Disney Princess Series: Ariel

(Spoilers for "The Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Andersen.)
Hello all! Life has been coming to a close. I finished all my last festivals (one of them was a first as well for guitar).  I recently finished my last winter guard competition, as you probably heard about in my "Winter Guard Medley" video. I just got home a few days ago from my last All State concert. I'm about to go on my last chamber singers tour, then have my last pop choir show the week after that. But I honestly feel nothing but excitement and joy. As these things have been finishing up, and I've been afraid and sorrowing over that fact, I have actually been satisfied with every ending. They all were so good. I just love performing, I love creating, I love being a part of these beautiful things. I love doing this, and I love the way they all turned out. My heart has been nothing but full as everything concludes.

I just needed to write another piece! And a new Disney Princess piece is due. And Princess Ariel is very close to my heart. Can you believe that?

I never felt a particularly close bond to Ariel. A few things changed that. First, the stage musical. Like, wow. The Little Mermaid was honestly a great film, obviously, being the beginning of the Disney Renaissance, and I think it was made even better through the stage musical. Alan Menken is one of my favorite composers. So all of that contributed to me loving the musical and to it making me appreciate Ariel and her story more. But the biggest thing is I feel like the emotions were so much more tangible through the stage production. "Beyond My Wildest Dreams" describes the overall bright tone of the production and Ariel herself. Prince Eric has his song about the girl he met that he can't forget about, and we also see him getting closer to Ariel in more depth. We get more music from Ursula, so we get to see even more of her desire for power. But you know what really gets me? My favorite song from the show. "If Only". I feel like it shows us sides of the characters that were available to us before, but it describes it for us more, and gives us more of the feeling. We know that King Triton regrets not listening to Ariel, and that he loves her, and that he misses her. But this song allows us to feel his pain. We know Sebastian has taken care of Ariel her whole life. This time we get to see how he loves her. We know Eric is thinking about the voice. But what is more, and we get near confessions of this in the film but nothing this direct, this time we get to see him admit he has been spending a lot of time with Ariel and he is starting to love her but he can't forget about that voice either and it is hurting him. It's beautiful. And we all know Ariel's situation is dangerous. Her entire life is at risk. If she doesn't get this to work, everything is over for her. And I just wasn't feeling a ton of despair from her in the film. For the first time, when I started listening to this song, I felt actual fear from her. She was afraid, and really afraid. I finally felt the vulnerability and sorrow you would expect from a girl of her age with so little knowledge of the world, only knowledge that it was about to end. It was beautiful. Ariel became a real person to me, and a person that made me feel for her, a person I felt love for.

Okay, so that's the first thing. The second thing? Stupidly? Being sixteen. Yo, everyone always talks about how you know you're growing up when you start disagreeing with Ariel and being aware of her immaturity and stupidity. On the contrary. When I was little I think my views on Ariel were pretty objective. No super strong opinion on her. But something about being sixteen. If I'm being honest, some phases of my life in my sixteenth year were rougher, bluer (the overall color really does seem blue), and I started listening to music a lot more, and some of that music was The Little Mermaid. And at that time Ariel seemed more relatable to me than she ever had. Young, ignorant, lover of life, lover of love, immature, hopeful, sometimes joyful, sometimes sorrowful, sometimes fearful, and sometimes very lost. Honestly, I was a typical teen with all the intolerable teenage angst, just as Ariel is. Everything that nobody liked about Ariel, my melodramatic teenage girl heart came to understand.

So yes. I do feel a strong amount of love for her.
Have you guys ever read the original story? "The Little Mermaid" by Hans Christian Andersen? The original story is one of the main reasons people don't like Ariel. I have this book of every story written by Hans Christian Andersen (INCLUDING ONE THAT WAS NEVER PUBLISHED WHILE HE WAS ALIVE BUT WAS FOUND LATER, LITERALLY CRIED THE FIRST TIME I READ IT, IT WAS THAT GOOD) and it's pretty much my favorite thing in the world; I'm in the process of working my way through every story, and they are all so beautiful. He is without a doubt my favorite fairy tale writer. "The Little Mermaid" is a visually appealing story. The text in the story is so aesthetically pleasing it's unbelievable. If that's not enough reason to read it, it's also a really beautiful story, with heartbreakingly beautiful and tangible emotions used. In that story, our mermaid heroine ends up having to face more of a tragic fate than Ariel does. That really bothers people. Ariel was disobedient and they think she needs to be accountable for her actions. I do love the original story. I think it's one of the most beautiful stories ever written. The mermaid realized she'd made some bad decisions, and she can't fix them at the point she reaches, she can only make it worse. So instead she sacrifices herself rather than make it worse. She is rewarded for doing what little she can to redeem herself, being made a spirit of the air instead of turned into the foam of the sea. She doesn't get to go back to her family OR be with the prince, but at least she is something of beauty. That's the kind of ending people wanted from the Little Mermaid film. They didn't get that, and they found Ariel a lower quality character because of it. You turn against everything you know is good and still get what you want?
I was not bothered by that. And I have my reasons for it.
First, Ariel is admirable for her love of life and her bright spirit. She is just so happy. I love it. And when she falls in love with a human prince and she is told consistently that she can't have that, the ease with which her heart breaks is absolutely beautiful to me. If you didn't know this already, I have a strong love for vulnerability. And Ariel shows so much of it in her sorrow that she is not allowed to be with a prince that she isn't physically capable of being with anyway. The purity of that kind of sorrow is so beautiful to me.
Then she is approached by our villains. They are tempting her with the one thing she wants and the one thing she is not allowed to do. When people hit that point where it is the only way to get the only thing they really desire, they are willing to do crazy things. Here Ariel makes her stupid choices. She does what she does not want to do and makes a deal with the sea witch Ursula to become a human-- forever, if she can get Eric to kiss her in three days; if not, she is one of Ursula's poor unfortunate souls. What we know as viewers of the film (the dramatic irony is this film is strong) is that Ursula has a million and five tricks up her sleeve and there is no way for Ariel to win this one. Good characters have flaws; here are Ariel's.
Shoutout to Ariel and her friends for coaching her along the way, because that girl's flirting game is strong. Eric is totally falling for her and he would've kissed her if it wasn't for Ursula and her eel friends. Seeing the cuteness of those two having their adventures together is just so fun. Not only is her flirting game strong, but she knows how to be herself around cute guys. Ladies, take notes.
Then Ursula disguises herself as a human WITH ARIEL'S VOICE and makes Eric fall in love with her. Ariel is shattered, as any stereotypical sixteen-year-old girl would be. I love it. As Ursula's true self is revealed and Eric realizes who his true love is, the power couple works together to help save everyone. And it works! Yay!
Now comes Ariel's end. And the reason I love her for it.
Ariel couldn't belong to Ursula, because Ursula was defeated by them. But Ariel knew that she had disobeyed. She knew she did the wrong thing. And she still loved Eric. And she still wanted to be able to live in the human world. And she knew that she couldn't have any of that, because of the choices she made. Ariel was sad. But Ariel was also aware of all of that, and she was ready to face her choices and the consequences that came with them, the ones she didn't like. She had a strong air of responsibility about her, to me. If her father hadn't said anything. Ariel would've said goodbye to Eric and gone back to living in the sea for the rest of her life, without looking back... too much. But as we already discussed, King Triton loved his daughter, so much. So much that he saw how sad she was knowing that she had to leave and he decided to let her live with her human prince. In simpler words, Ariel was prepared to be accountable for her actions, and love and forgiveness is what gave her what she wanted. Her preparedness was what gave her the end she didn't deserve.
Besides all the reasons I love Ariel, her brightness, her love, her moodiness, the reason everyone else can't stand her is the reason I love her. She didn't like her fate, but she knew. She knew how to own her actions.
Much love for all of you. Thank you for reading. Thank you always, thank you always for reading, for watching, for listening. However you are a part of my life, and my life as an artist, thank you for being in it.
--Lizzo

Adventures with Alexander: An Analysis of Character

Hello, all! Yes, I'm actually writing something! Super excitd about that, considering I haven't delivered a post to you all since November of last year.... But I'm beyond happy to be writing for you all today! For the past three months I've been busy working on the musical at my school, Fame. I've always really liked musical theater, and a few years ago I finally put my finger on why. I've been highly involved in music for pretty much all of my life, and I really enjoy singing and good music. But quality writing and storytelling has also been a really big part of my life, I would say an even bigger part of my life. And so a musical is telling a story, but combined specifically with the power of music, which is just perfect. I was cast as Iris Kelly, the best dancer at the school, classically trained in ballet, and really insecure about herself. Getting to be her was a priviledge, and the entire experience was life-changing, a highlight of senior year. Fame is truly one of the most spectacular pieces of art I've ever had the priviledge of being a part of. Two hours (or more) of rehearsing pretty much every day for months doesn't leave a lot of room to even really think about writing a post, so that's why it's been so long. However, I learned so much from being a part of this experience and this story that I really want to write it somewhere and share it with you all. But there's so much to say and no way to cleanly organize all the different things I've learned into a singular post. Instead, I'm currently writing (besides the Disney Princess series that I have not forgotten about) a series of posts on the blog's INSTAGRAM called #FameFriday. Every Friday I write a quick little piece of something I learned about writing or about the analysis of my character (and sometimes her boyfriend). If you don't already follow the blog on Instagram, follow @itsanadventur so you can keep up on that series. And, if you want to see Basic Academy's full production of Fame, you can watch that here.
The real point of this post is a anout another musical, one that was also kind of life-changing for me. Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton was released in 2015. The first time I heard about it, I believe, was when Rick Riordan went to go see it and wrote a blog post about it. (He went the same night as Preisdent Obama; it was wild.) What I knew about it from that was that it was a hip hop musical about the Founding Fathers. Alright, cool. Then besides a Vine by the amazing Thomas Sanders and seeing the Tony nominations, that was the only exposure I really got to Hamilton. Then once the Tonys had come and gone, I wanted to see all of the performances, so I went to the website and watched them all. When I saw Hamilton's performance, I was absolutely SHOCKED.
Like, honestly. I knew what it was, but it was something I couldn't quite believe until I saw it. I had been hearing and seeing all this hype about it and I thought I was ready, but I had no idea what it would be like. They were wearing Revolutionary War uniforms and they were rapping. It was one of the craziest things I had seen in my life. And the first time, I didn't quite like it.
But it was like I couldn't stop watching it. It was so strange, I had to see it again. And I liked it more every time I saw it. And my interest and love for Hamilton escalated a lot more than I thought it would.
No, really. I was not expecting it to get so out of hand. I'm kind of sorry.
Before I talk about one of the main things I love about Hamilton, I would like to send a special shoutout to the guy who wrote it. He continuously inspires me to be a better writer. The work Lin did was so intelligent alone, but the personality he brings to his work makes it even better; he's awe-inspiring. Have you guys seen his performance of "Alexander Hamilton" at the White House? Years before the show came out when Lin originally had the idea of putting anything like this togethr, he got asked to perform at the White House Poetry Jam. He had this one song done, so he decides to bring it. He's telling them all about how he feels such a strong hip hop vibe about Alexander. Look at them all. Look at them all react. Look at them all laughing at him. I was watching that video for the first time after Hamilton was huge, everyone's favorite, award-winning, successful beyond words. And I'm watching this video from years and years before any of this has happened. I'm watching them all laugh at this man's idea. And I'm so in awe of the fact that he knew people thought his beautiful piece of art was ridiculous, and that he continued to make it because that's what you do when you have art to make. You make it no matter what anyone thinks. Lin, you inspire me.
Pretty much everyone knows that Newsies is my favorite musical, and that's still true. It's such an upbeat and inspiring story, perfectly written and designed as well. And what else I love about Newsies is how close I've gotten to the characters; they feel like my best friends. The thing with Hamilton, however, is the more I studied that musical, the more I realized I felt like Alexander. I didn't feel close to him, I felt like he was me.
And I think that's the great thing about it as well. Before the musical, Alexander Hamilton was the first  secretary of the treasury to me. Nothing I could really connect with at all, or even think to. The show turned him into a tangible person, someone we would know. For me, he turned into someone I was. If I had known the real Alexander Hamilton, this show proved that I might find I could relate to him a lot more than I would've originally thought. Putting their personalities into a language we could all understand made them so much more real to me. Real, and relatable.
The more I studied Alexander's character, the more he seemed like me. We just had so much in common. He's brutally honest and obsessed with the way people see him. He's constantly focusing on his legacy and the mark he's going to leave on the world. He can make enemies in a short amount of time, almost as quickly as he can make friends. Maybe even worse than all of that, he is prideful beyond belief, and thinks relatively highly of himself, even if he does have a way of tearing himself apart. It all just seemed too true to me. When I took all of that and combined it with the fact that he was known for his way with words, I turned into Alexander.
When I was three years old, I asked my mom if I could learn how to read. I was so young my mom didn't really think anything of it, but she wasn't going to say no to that kind of thing, so she gave me some computer game about reading and told me it would teach me how to read, not actually believing it would. One more thing Alexander and I have in common-- if we want something to get done, it's going to happen. I'm pretty sure I could read by the time I entered preschool.
That's probably the biggest thing. We both read everything we could; we just wanted to take it all in. Then we started creating the words ourselves. We just want to do more, produce more, write more. We never stop. The words are everything to us.
That is why I call myself Alexander.
Every line in the show resonates with me so much, it's like every time they talk about Alexander they're talking about me. I guess if I wanted to waste the rest of my life on this blog post, I could tear every song apart line by line and word by word and thus expose my entire life to you, but I'm not going to do that. Instead I'll share with you one quote that will give you a pretty good idea and that I sometimes say to myself when life gets real or crazy: "See, I never thought I'd live past twenty." Seems I would never be able to relate to that quote one bit, but that one hits me almost the hardest of all. For Alexander, that is very literal; the fact that he is actually going to survive past youth is amazing to him. But I was thinking about this song one day and was blown away by the realization that I couldn't quite believe that I would live past youth either. See, the next three years of my life are perfectly planned out. I'm in Henderson, Nevada for the next few months to finish my senior year of high school. Then I move to Cedar City to attend Southern Utah University, where I'll be in the Jumpstart program to do all of my general education in one year, in the stage and screen class. Then after that summer, I don't know where I'll be; I'll be serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for a year and a half. The next three years of my life are perfect. But after that, after I'm twenty years old, the lines start to get a little blurry. That's when I'm start my creative writing major at SUU, but what else? I'll try to start my writing career, but how and when will that happen? Who will I even still know then? What else will I be doing? For me right now, it's genuinely difficult to imagine living past twenty.
That's just one example. But when they talk about Alexander, they talk about me. Even tragic lines like "I walk alone to the store" hold a place in my life, some that are too personal to share.
So once again, thank you, Lin. Thank you for writing this real-life character that I associate myself with. Never have I connected myself with a character from a musical this much. Thank you for introducing me to Alexander, because it was like being introduced to myself. Thank you for making the beginning of our beautiful nation a tangible thing for me and for so many other people, for making it all seem real and not like a story. Thank you for being an inspiring writer. Thank you for teaching me about our heroes.
And while we're talking about the heroes, thank you for building this hipster nation, that always wants to do things its own way, that overcomes hard times and fights for what is right and believes in freedom and equality. Thank you for building America. Thank you, James. Thank you, Thomas. Thank you, Alexander. Thank you, George. Thank you, all of you.
And thanks to all the friends out there for the continuous support you give me as a person and especially as a writer. Someday I am going to be publishing bigger things than a meaningless blog post, and I'm going to need all the love you guys give me, because better art includes better haters. Thank you for making me feel like an important writer; the support legitimately blows me away. You're amazing and I don't deserve you.
But I do love you.
--Lizzo

Oliver Twist

Hey there faves! I actually finished a piece of literature! I am done reading Charles Dickens's Christmas Stories. Not that I read all of them. I read A Christmas Carol, because it's the first one, not to mention the one everyone knows about, so you've got to read it. I can say that it definitely deserved all the hype it got. It was so well-written, and the details are so interesting since the story has been interpreted so many times throughout the years. It was great, but considering it's a never-ending series and I can't finish a book for my life anymore, I had to stop. The story was closed and I didn't have the patience for any more, despite its excellence. It does sadden me because I would like to have a knowledge of the less well-known works, but I didn't want it bad enough to continue through four more books that would be impossible to finish.
However, I have moved on to more work by Dickens! I am about to read Oliver Twist. I feel like all I really knew about Oliver Twist is that he's this starving orphan. Apparently, there's something about him getting caught up with criminals too! I'm walking into this story relatively blind, but it sounds decent to me.
And honestly, I guess it's kind of dumb that I'm saying I don't have the patience to read four more books that are usually less than one hundred pages and now I'm starting a book that's over five hundred pages. But, hey! I'm hyped.
Just a quick check-in, y'all. I love you!
--Lizzo

Disney Princess Series: Aurora

Hello all! Okay, so I just posted my FIRST YOUTUBE VIDEO on the channel tonight. And for real guys, thank you for all the kind comments, because that's a real insecure spot for me. I've never viewed myself as much of a speaker, so all the hype you guys have been giving me about that is so insanely appreciated.
Quick update on me: I got accepted into three colleges! SUU, USU, and UVU. However, the one I am choosing to attend is SUU! A year from now I will be living in Cedar City! (Where it is WAY TOO COLD.)
Alright, today I write for you about another one of our dear Disney princesses. She's absolutely stunning in every way and is one of the princesses more commonly known for getting hate. Princess Aurora, my friends, does not deserve the hate.
We meet Aurora on her sixteenth birthday. She's just the cutest thing; she sings and dances and talks to the animals and loves life. Loving life is the surest way to enhance beauty.
You can just tell by the way she talks to her fairies and her animals that she is a kind person. And I really just can't stress enough how great kindness is. She's graceful and has the voice of an angel. She's absolutely beautiful.
I think this is where Aurora gets the majority of her hate. There have been periods of time long ago where that was the only acceptable kind of woman to be. So people fought so hard for the other type of woman, the kind that don't naturally carry themselves with elegance. And that's good. It's okay to be beautiful in a different way. But I feel like it got so out of hand. We got so carried away trying to include the other type of girl, that the classic vision of beauty started being not forgotten, but shamed. People like Princess Aurora are now viewed as, for lack of a better word, wrong. She's too normal, she is the original idea of beauty. Does that mean she has something against those that are not?
No, I really don't think so. As I said before, Aurora is unquestionably kind. And kind people don't just hate on someone because they're different.
And here's the other place she gets all her hate from. She's singing about how much she wants to meet her true love.
Please forgive me. I am about to get extremely angry.
All I hear about when people talk about female protagonists is whether or not they need a man. Especially with Disney, and especially with their princesses. My gosh, why is this all based on whether she needs a man or not? We never said anything about needing a man. I don't remember anyone saying that. What is wrong with her wanting a man in her life? If she wants that, does that make her weak? I really don't think so. Love is a really desirable thing, guys. It's beautiful. I don't see what's wrong with her wanting that.
If you argue that she sounds helpless when singing about finding her love, I can agree with that. But I also think it's justified. The only people she has ever really known in her life are her three fairies. Of course she's helpless. She wants love and she doesn't know how to find it. So at this point she's just calling out to the universe, in the hopes that someone will hear her. That's all she knows how to do, and so that's enough.
Then she and Prince Phillip meet. This is terrifying for many reasons. One being that finally facing your dream is usually terrifying. The second being that  Aurora has never met anyone that isn't the fairies. The third being that Phillip totally snuck up on her while she was alone in the woods and that's really scary.
They talk for awhile and get to know each other, then Phillip asks her name. She realizes the fairies told her not to talk to strangers. This part is really admirable because it proves Aurora's intelligence and loyalty. She is obedient to her family, but she also really likes Phillip. So instead of having to choose one over the other, she invites him to come visit her later that night.
It really was a good plan, but sadly Aurora didn't know the full truth about herself at the time; she didn't even know her real name. She gets home and endlessly thanks her family for the wonderful birthday surprise, then tells them about Phillip and how he is going to come visit later. At this point they have to tell her that she's a princess who is betrothed to another man. The only thing to do is take Aurora to her true home, the palace.
And forgive me, but I think it's beautiful how her heart breaks so terribly. Being able to weep over a tragedy proves that you are human and alive and even vulnerable and so capable of experiencing things. It's so great.
So she goes home to the palace. The fairies should have known not to leave her alone even for a second! They knew it was her sixteenth birthday! They knew Maleficent cast that spell to kill her! And so yeah, Aurora fell asleep for what would be a hundred years, as if she were dead.
Please don't tell me you're going to hate on her for needing a man now. This time she actually does. She could only wake up from a kiss from her true love. It's not like she was even conscious to save herself. She was under an evil spell. It is okay to need people. Now that I've stated that wanting a man is okay, I do want to say that it's also okay to need other people. We're here to help each other out. And I think it's especially true that men and women need each other, because each gender has strengths and weaknesses (Yes, I believe in gender roles) so they can work together. It's a beautiful thing. There is nothing wrong with that.
So Phillip saves her, she's reunited with her family, and the boy she fell in love with in the forest just so happened to be the prince she was destined to marry! I can always go for a happy ending.
What's wrong with a sappy story? I know most people aren't as down for those as I am, but a little happiness in this beautiful world of ours is definitely needed.
Remember, guys, I love you, but God loves you so much more.
--Lizzo

Disney Princess Series: Cinderella

Can you even call it a series when it's been a million years since the last post? Yeah, I guess. Because I decided so.
But honestly, it is definitely time for another Disney Princess post. Firstly because summer is killing me and I oftentimes find myself lacking a lot of purpose. Nothing like writing to fix that. Not to mention Disney has all of the happiness and magic I'm pretty sure I need right now. *insert agonized emoji*
But before we get into that, shoutout to all of y'all because you're so dang nice and supportive of my writing that I am trying so hard for. You are perfection.
Well anyway, this Disney Princess post is about the girl that is responsible for saving Walt's company, so shoutout to her for keeping magic alive. (But for those that refer to her as the leader of the Disney Princesses, I'm not totally okay with that because Snow White's my original girl, and... she was Disney Animation's original girl too. That's all.) She's an insanely famous fairy tale, and I don't know, something about her is just absolutely beautiful. My sister's and my mom's favorite. Here's for my girl Cinderella!!!
*readers applaud madly*
I honestly think that Cinderella is so appealing to everyone that loves her for the same reasons that she is off-putting to those that don't: she is so sweet and beautiful while still being relatable and realistic. Which might sound kind of crazy. But hear me out.
This girl starts out with a picture-perfect life. She's got a family and they live in this beautiful house with a bunch of animals and they're rich and everything is perfect. She's not anything apparently special, but she has all of those things that make her happy and she doesn't really have anything to complain about.
Here's where things get real. Her life is perfect, and she thinks so too. And then her mom dies. Oh, sad.
Her father remarries because he believes that a girl deserves a full family. That's so great! (And super true. Everyone deserves a complete family.) She not only gets a mom, but she gets two sisters and cat that is literally named after the devil. But everything is still great! Of course everyone will miss their real mom. But Cinderella is not one to complain. Just one reason she is so loved.
And then her father dies. See, guys? Bad things happen to people that you would never expect them to happen to. Picture-perfect lives are not perfect. That's all. That's just really important to me, because you can't always judge what's going on with a person based on what you see.
Okay, whatever, death. That happens to everyone. Of course people die in a perfect person's perfect life, because it's just part of everyone's life.
But beyond that. Then her stepmother and her stepsisters show their true selves and start being unkind. They order her around and are super rude and they make her do everything without thanks. They make her feel worthless. It's not okay.
Would anyone from the outside even know? Of course they would pity Cinderella for the death of both of her parents. But after that, wouldn't they just assume that life with her stepmom and stepsisters would just go on the same? No, Cinderella was really being mistreated. Don't ask me why I'm bringing this up, I guess it's just important to me to not judge a person's strength when you're not even certain that you can judge their situation.
But besides all of that, passing judgement on her situation or whatever. How does Cinderella even react to that? Wouldn't the average person fight back, be angry and bitter? Or at least be miserable and sad for themselves. Why would you not be sad for yourself? The people that loved her died, and the people she thought loved her didn't actually care about her at all. That's dreadful.
Cinderella did the right thing in my eyes. She was honest with herself about her situation, but in a positive way. She knew that the people she lived with were mean. She knew they were doing her wrong. She admitted it. (If you don't believe me, remember the time when the clock tower rang in the morning and she said, "Even he orders me around.") But she also said shortly after that they wouldn't be able to stop her from dreaming. Cinderella was going to be herself no matter how worthless everyone made her feel. She was going to be happy with her life, because being sad about bad things is no fun. So instead she chose to be happy about all her sweet animal friends that she takes care of. (Honestly, of all the Disney animal pals, the mice in Cinderella are probably my favorite.) And about all the things she hoped for the future. (Hope is okay, guys. It really is. It gets people through a lot, and hanging on to joy that isn't yet present but someday can be is totally fine, because joy is still joy whether or not the cause of it is yet existent.)
That's the way she reacted personally. But what about the way she reacted to her family? She did not get angry or bitter like most people would want to. She decided to be kind. Killing with kindness really is effective. It can change the way people treat you; making a choice to be the better person can also turn someone else into a better person by example, which is why it's always important to be the best version of yourself that you can, even if someone else is making you want to be unkind, angry, or sad. In Cinderella's case, it didn't change them. They were still rude and condescending. But in that case, being angry about it would only make Cinderella unhappy in the end. It would only change her, and not for the better. So she did the thing that kept her happy.
Not to mention, anyone who takes in a bunch of mice and makes the clothes and talks to them and is super nice to them is perfect. Not to mention all the birds and all them. That's all.
Cool. So while all of that is happening, Cinderella's sisters get invited to the royal ball so the prince can find a wife. Here's where I think things start to get misinterpreted with Cinderella. She wasn't desperate to have a guy save her or whatever. She was literally stuck in the house doing chores with only her beautiful animal friends to keep her company. Naturally she would get lonely and want to get out! The girl wanted to go to a party. And at the prince's castle? Gosh dang it, this was going to be the party of the century. Cinderella was going to be there.
Her family, as they naturally would, made fun of her for thinking that anyone like her could go to the ball. But Cinderella pointed out that every eligible maiden in the kingdom was invited, and she was pretty sure that included her. So her stepmom said she could go if she got a bunch of chores done. Like, a lot of chores done. And if she could find something nice enough to wear.
Cinderella is so hyped at this point. Cinderella goes up to her room right away because her mother has an old dress that will be perfect for the ball. (Guys. She just wants to have a good night out and wear her mother's dress and be beautiful and have fun. What about that isn't so dang sweet?) Cinderella wants to make a few adjustments that will make it a little more in style, but she isn't sure how she'll have the time to do that with her family already getting on her with all the chores they have for her to do before the big evening comes. Cinderella being the beautiful girl she is, she gets right to work. She isn't one to give up easily any day, and especially not on a day as important to her as this one.
People hate on Cinderella for doing nothing and waiting for a man to rescue her from her troubles? Oh heck no! Cinderella took action! Cinderella wanted something, so she worked hard to make sure she got it! She wasn't going to wait for someone to make things better for her! She knew the only way she was going to get her dream night was if she went and got it herself.
However, even if she didn't ask for it, she did have some help. Cinderella is kind to everyone, so naturally she has a lot of friends, her friends being the mice and birds. They know that Cinderella's family will never give her a break; they are not looking for opportunities for her to go to the ball. So since their friend is so sweet and beautiful and kind, they want to be that great for her too, and help her get her dress ready for the big party. They fix it up and add some things that her sisters threw out. So when Cinderella comes back from her chores, feeling disappointed that her dress won't be ready in time, she is happily surprised by her amazing friends that fixed the dress and made it absolutely beautiful. Someone as kind as Cinderella is nothing but grateful for everything her friends have done for her.
It's time to go to the ball, so Cinderella gets herself all pretty super quick and gets downstairs. She's done all the chores and found a beautiful dress. Obviously, her family was immensely unhappy that Cinderella had done all the things required to go to the ball. They didn't want anyone like her getting in their way. Not to mention she looked stunning. They were jealous, and they especially didn't want the prince noticing her. So when they noticed the things they had thrown out as a part of her outfit, they tore apart her dress. Her stepmother didn't intervene until Cinderella's dress, previously owned by her mother, was completely ruined. "Oh no, what a tragedy, I guess you can't go to the ball anymore." And they leave without her.
Even perfect people need to have moments of sorrow. That is absolutely okay. Cinderella never drowned herself in sorrow, so having one little moment of sadness was completely appropriate. She went outside and cried pretty hard. She had done everything they asked and gotten ready in time and still she wasn't enough for them. They couldn't even give her one night in the prince's castle.
But whether you believe it or not, there's always someone looking out for you, even if it's not apparent. Cinderella's fairy godmother came to her and helped her out. She gave her a carriage, coachman, footman, horses, and a beautiful new dress complete with glass slippers. Cinderella was ready to go to the ball! She again thanked her friend for all the help she had been given.
The only condition was that everything would go back to normal at midnight. But hey, no problem, right?
Cinderella goes out to the party all by herself. Takes some courage for a girl who hasn't been out of the house for a few years. But she gets there and everything is beautiful, she's ready to have a great time. She wasn't expecting to meet the prince. But she caught the prince's eye. When a person is kind and sweet and beautiful, it shows. So he went and sought her out.
Here is where things get most controversial with Cinderella. People hate on her for falling in love in one night.
Am I going to deny that? No way.
But how can you even know if you fell in love with someone in one night? How reckless and stupid! She's never even met anyone else; she can't know if she's actually in love.
Well, why not? Why can't she know if she's in love? Doesn't true love feel the same no matter when it happens?
Here's how I think it's possible for Cinderella and our dear friend Prince Charming to fall in love in one night. The prince sees her and he can tell that she's different from everybody else, in a very good way. He approaches her and talks with her. All night. He didn't really pay attention to anyone else.
Think about it, guys. The party lasted for hours and hours. You can't show that in real time in a film. So they shortened it to a few minutes. We don't actually see all the time that Charming and Cinderella spent getting to know each other and talking. But it did happen, all night, in fact. And I think that's very possible.
Guys, what's even wrong with that? In the end, what's actually wrong with that?
So they spent the night talking and dancing. It was clear to everyone that they were very fond of each other.
So they're talking, and suddenly it's midnight. And Cinderella's got to go, right away. The prince is devastated; he wants her to stay, he wants to know her name, he wants to be able to see her again. But Cinderella has no time for any of those things to be an option. So she runs away. They try to stop her; Prince Charming has finally found a girl he likes, and they can't just lose her without even knowing who she is. Cinderella doesn't have time for any of it. Not even to grab her slipper that falls off as she's running down the staircase. She runs, and no one can catch her. She starts home and eventually everything turns into what it was before the fairy godmother transformed it. But Cinderella still has a glass slipper to remember her perfect night by. And everyone at the palace also has a glass slipper to find the girl it belongs to.
The Grand Duke gets around to everyone in the kingdom and asks all of the girls to try on the shoe. It fits no one.
While this is happening, word gets out to everyone else. Including Cinderella's stepsisters. They're talking about it around the house, and they say that whoever fits the slipper will marry the prince. Cinderella is so excited! That's her! She's the one that the prince fell in love with, and she will now be reunited with her true love and marry him. If that's not enough, that makes her a princess. Oh my gosh, so cool. And doesn't someone as nice as her that has gone through so many hard times deserve a happy ending?
Sadly, Cinderella's stepmother figures her out. She catches her humming the tune that was played at the ball, and suddenly recognizes the girl that the prince spent the entire night dancing with. That means that Cinderella will marry the prince. And why does Cinderella deserve it? She wants one of her daughters to be a princess. That would be even better than having a rich husband. So she locks Cinderella in her room so there's no way she can try on the slipper and be determined  as the prince's love.
Cinderella is devastated. But has devastation ever stopped our girl Cinderella? No!
Here's the thing. Nobody just goes and approaches a prince, even if they are said prince's true love. You just don't do that. Not to mention her family would've never let  her out of the house, no matter how hard she tried. The prince wasn't saving a Cinderella who decided she was helpless. It was a team effort between both of them.
Cinderella did what she could, asking her mouse friends to get the key and unlock her door so she could meet the Grand Duke downstairs and try on the slipper. It was a close one. But right before he left, in absolute defeat, Cinderella ran down the stairs, tried on the slipper, and was brought to the prince to be married to her true love. After all her sorrows and all her hard work, she got what she really wanted.
And that's probably the best part about the story. Bad things happen to great people. But great people can get out of those bad times if they work hard, don't give up, and stay positive. In fact, they can get everything that they ever wanted and more.
Doesn't that mean there's hope for all of us, my dear friends?
I hope you all enjoyed this. I hope someday to be able to write a story as beautiful as that one.
Love ya, mean it!
--Lizzo

Christmas Books

Hey y'all. Something amazing has happened. I finally finished my book.
I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes in October. It was really interesting to read the original stories about Sherlock because he is so popular in our culture today. As far as I can tell, the modern adaptions of Sherlock are still very true to his character. I will say that walking in to Sherlock Holmes I did not know that each book was just a collection of stories. I don't have a particular enjoyment for mysteries, as this book has helped me realize. But with effort, these stories were really interesting to me. It was super exciting for me when I started to figure one out before the solution was revealed, because I am usually not one to do that. I could have read another book in this series if I had wanted to, but since I barely had tolerance to finish this book, I doubted I would have the patience to finish another. So this is where my adventures with Sherlock Holmes end for now. The stories were actually really beautiful, though. If you'd like to read my full review of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes you can do it here.
Now a lot of you probably read the title of this post and thought, "Wow. Really? Liz, you're reading more Christmas books?" Is there anything worse to read? Not because Christmas is bad, because Christmas is beautiful. But despite the beauty of such a holiday, it's hard to find literature as cheesy and low quality as Christmas books. And yet I'm reading more? Well, yeah, I guess so. But don't be so quick to judge. I am currently going through a small classic literature phase, I guess. Ever heard of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens? Yeah, little do most people know (including me until awhile ago) that is the first book in a series of other Christmas stories by that man. That is what I will be reading next! Everyone knows A Christmas Carol, and that as far as stories go is pretty beautiful. I can only imagine Dickens's other books on the subject can be the same. I'll let you all know how this goes!
Love ya, mean it!
--Lizzo

National Squad Day!

 This is all going to sound really dumb. Heck, it probably is.
In the reality of the thing I don't think I actually want to publish any of this. I don't like being sad. That is in general not a fun thing. But I don't know, I think it had to be done.
So, I've thought about, like, a million different ways to write this. And I feel pretty good right now, plus I think I've finally decided what to say. So I better write this fast.
So, I have a squad, right? Everyone needs a squad; they're the best friends I've ever had. It consists of me, Kyle, Carter, Gwen, and Shanny. You guys know of Kyle and Carter from the Kyle and da Boys Day post, but you need to know Gwen and Shanny! Because they're pretty Shantastic. (Sadly don't have a cute pun for Gwen's name.)

Gwen is my true love and she loves music. She's also my cool aunt. She likes henna and pink is her favorite color. One time I got hit by a car and she sang "Part of Your World" for me because that's what I wanted from her for my birthday.

Shanny has gained a recent enjoyment of performing, which makes me pretty happy. If she's not in the choir room she's probably helping with one of the other million and five clubs that she's in. She loves yellow sunshine.
So I have to publish this post early because I'm going to be at girls camp for the rest of the week. But the ninth of June is National Squad Day, and my squad deserves some love! So here's an early post for some of my favorite humans.
Alright, so this is the trickier part. I wanted to thank my people for being awesome, and so I was gonna do that. But I realized if I did that, a lot of the things I wrote wouldn't make sense. I'm not going to go into the entirety of the dark details of the past few months, because that is pointless and some of those things you guys don't need to know and to be honest what's done is done. I keep trying to explain things that don't need explaining. I keep trying to apologize for things that everyone just wants me to forget about. Sometimes I want to forget too. But I don't need to say sorry for things that everyone is already aware of. I've been forgiven and everyone loves me still so it's okay, and I'm an insane amount of grateful for that. But the point is instead of going to either of those extremes, I'm going to be honest with you guys, but I'm going to tell it in a more positive light, because usually when I want to talk about how dark it was I'm just getting down on myself and feeling super low again, so it's no problem.
Awhile ago I did write a post about the outcome of my mental downfall and I still will not deny my social anxiety. It was a crazy amount of real, and I've been showing symptoms of that since long before I learned about it, because the thing about mental disorders is most of them aren't that severe; people just think it's that way because the word "disorder" sounds scary and throws us off even when the condition is not that bad. It's not the first time my mental health has gotten worse, it's just the first time it's gotten this bad. Sometimes I wonder how it got so bad and then I realize that I'm a teenager which will cause the chemicals in my body to become off balance at times, which would make me have a period of time where my anxiety attacks are a lot worse and where I in general feel a lot suckier. So what happened was not actually bad, it was pretty normal for a mental abnormalcy to get worse considering everything. But that's beside the point. When I wrote that post for you guys a few months ago I didn't tell you all how everything started, and I think for the sake of this post I probably should start at the beginning.
And you see, the thing is it's hard to tell how it happened because it all seems to blend together. One day you feel low, then the next thing you know you're doing things you never would've believed you'd fall to. So what I'm saying is the timeline for some of these occurrences might be kind of difficult. Oh well, I'll do my best.
I remember the day it happened, I remember what we were doing and the reason I noticed something was wrong, and I remember how worried everyone was because I was really off. You guys don't need to know the details of that night, but I remember that it was the day things started being weird. But it wasn't a big deal, because I figured bad days happen to everybody, because they do. So I figured the next day would be better. It was better; it's not like good days stopped existing. But the week after that was really weird because I had two breakdowns during school that week and everyone was asking what was wrong and I couldn't tell them because it is not socially acceptable to cry just because you don't feel good; what do you even say to that? I remember Gwen and Shanny hugging me and being really worried; I remember Carter messaging me later that day to make sure I was okay. Yeah, I was okay.
But I treated those days the same. Bad days happen to everyone, so it was fine. But after a few weeks of feeling consistently awful I was starting to wonder when it would stop, feeling terrible about everything in the world and nothing at all, and hating myself for all the conflict I had about myself in my mind. And one day that I really broke. My gosh, that day sucked.
Sure, those days weren't awesome. But my squad was super supportive of me and how much I didn't have my life figured out. I remember one day when I finally confessed to Carter what was happening in my head and later that night he and Shanny took me to Barnes & Noble and Yogurtland. When did I get so blessed?
Okay, that was all fine. People feel low. People get lonely. No big deal. And then the anxiety attacks started happening. And they usually weren't that bad; many were just internal, and when they were worse I was usually by myself. And then one day at school I broke really bad. If I had ever been that scared in my life, it had at least been awhile since I've been that terrified. I remember how it started and how it escalated and how it felt and what I had to do after and it's still scary just to think about. I thought that was a one-time thing. Well, at least I never had one that bad again. But anxiety attacks became more public and more frequent. That was really bad for me, because every time I cried I would get really tired, so instead of doing homework or anything productive at all I would just lie down and sleep all day. To be honest, it really wasn't working all the times that I made myself say that I was okay even when I wasn't.
But even though that was a hard adjustment and it took a really long time to learn how to control them, even that was okay. Because my people were there. Sometimes I can't believe how supportive these people are to me. I am so lucky to have friends that have been with me through all my inconsistency. That was all fine. Things really started to suck when I shut down entirely.
I remember what happened. I felt insecure about something. No big deal; everyone feels insecure. But I guess I just kept letting things about myself get to me, and eventually I was almost entirely convinced that I was now a burden to my friends and they didn't want me anymore. You know you've reached a low point when you apologize to your friends for talking to them. How did I go from being so effortlessly happy to that?
The worst part is it happened so slowly that it almost became normal and I can barely define how it happened. First everything was fine, and then I started being cautious around them, then I just sat there silently, and then there was even a day where I avoided them. That is the lowest day I've had in my life. I legitimately just started isolating myself from my best friends. It makes me want to die just thinking about it.
It started affecting my whole life. I wanted to be asleep all the time. I started eating a lot. And slowly I started listening to music all the time. I have always noticed that people with mental instability are often also people that drown themselves in music. It started becoming unhealthy and I didn't even realize it was a problem. Hopefully that explains my recent obsessions with Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Newsies, and Bonnie and Clyde. Haha, Carter once asked me how I could stand just listening to music on our bus ride to San Francisco without getting bored. Haha, well, that's how. I listened to feel something other than what I was feeling, or sometimes I was feeling too much so I listened to the music to numb everything. I can't even count how many times in a row I've listened to "A Million Miles Away", "Proud of Your Boy", "If Only", and "Letter from the Refuge".
When I got lonely I would scroll endlessly on Facebook, because somewhere my mind was grasping at the idea that those illusions of people would make me happy. They didn't. Luckily now I have certain times a day I'll even let myself look at social media. It works a lot better for me.
But guys, that's the terrible thing. Is I was lonely every single day. But I was convinced that my friends didn't care about me anymore, and so I just... didn't? Shanny would try to talk to me and I made a much lesser attempt to talk back; Carter would ask me if I was okay and I would shrug; Gwen would be talking to me and half of what she said would go over my head; Kyle would see that I was off and try to make me feel better and I would be generally unresponsive. Sometimes I even tried to reach out to them because in the reality of the thing I missed them so much. But it was like I had forgotten how to reach out to my friends. Because sometimes I tried, but I was so terrified that they didn't want me that my attempts were useless. My anxiety got so bad that every day my body would go numb, my shoulders were so tense that they became extremely painful. Everything sucked back when I let my life get out of control and was convinced that my best friends didn't love me anymore.
My mom is the hero of this story. She talked to me about how unhealthy my life had gotten and that I needed to do something. I really wanted my friends back. I knew that they loved me a lot. I knew that. I remember the day I decided I was going to stop worrying about all the things that made me feel insecure. It was the day of our choir's spring concert.  I was going to go there and make a real effort to make things as normal and joyous as they used to be, to really be a friend to my friends, to be happy, which is the reason they loved me before I went crazy. And then I got real scared.
Because I was pretty sure with the way I had been the past few months that I had ruined every relationship I have. What if everyone thought I was weird, acting like everything was fine when I had been a jerk to them for so long? I was pretty sure I had lost all my friends, which was my greatest fear, and it was my own fault. That was terrifying, but I was going to try to be myself anyway.
It worked, really well. I made it my main goal every day after that to try to include myself in my squad's lives. At first it was really hard. I was told to be myself, but the only thing I was certain of about myself at that point was that I wanted my friends back. But I told myself to just keep trying; and eventually I would feel like myself again, and eventually my body would stop going numb. Within a few days, I realized how defined I had become as a person again. I was actually an individual, instead of just something that was alive. The next week, my body wasn't numb anymore. I had rebuilt my relationships with my best friends. That makes me so happy to think about. Miracles happen.
But the point is, these people never left. Even when I did. Which is what makes you all the realest friends I've ever had, because you didn't give up on me when I went crazy. (Even though Shanny says she doesn't think I'm crazy.) I still have severely anxious moments, but I let these people help me now. (Which probably sucks for you guys, but I'd rather not shut you out again, haha.) I still want to say sorry for everything all the time. Sometimes I still do, but I'm getting better. Sometimes I still get embarrassed with having to bother you all with my idiocy. Sometimes I still worry that you guys think I'm weak. (Even though Carter tries to tell me I'm not.) But I can live with all of that as long as I still have you guys.
(Sorry, I'm dramatic and I have feelings.)
And sometimes I want to forget because the whole thing feels so ugly. But then when I think about it I don't want to forget because then I would have to forget how many great days I had with you guys!

I don't want to forget all the days you guys tried so hard for me, and I don't want to forget you guys at all. You're all so beautiful and I love you so much.
Okay, ew. Now that I've written this and I can like burn it or something because now I'm a happy person and I have friends and everyone loves me. Yay!
Kyle McGowan. Bro. Everyone needs a chill friend, and I'm fairly certain I have the best chill friend in the world. Thank you for teaching me that the chill comes from within. Haha, and for always being down with the adventures me and Car plan. I don't even know how you became my best friend; like, one day you were just a kid in the marching band and the next day I find myself willing to talk to you about almost anything. Not to mention it's awesome to have a friend to talk about marching band with that actually knows what I'm talking about, haha. Thanks for talking to me even when I'm being crazy irrational. I swear you're always looking out for me and my needs and I'm so grateful for that. You are so selfless, which makes you one of the best friends in the world. (And a  great section leader. You're awesome.) Other people always come first for you. And that's why people trust you so much and love being around you. I am so very grateful for all the effort you put into making me feel included in life and make sure I am a part of everything, and not letting me leave myself out, because sometimes I do that just because I don't know what to do. I'm so lucky that we've both been in chamber choir since freshman year, because otherwise I don't know if I would've gotten to know you as well, and that would really suck, because you're amazing. I'm so glad I have you; you're like family to me. (Haha but I guess you technically are family right?) I love you!
Gwen Rogers! You're the best cool aunt ever. I've always admired your confident personality and your love of life. It's so great to know that I have someone that knows what I need while I'm at school because sometimes I get nervous and I think no one can help but you always know what's going on. You are one of the most understanding people I know. The effort that you put into life is so admirable, you work so hard on everything and it's beautiful. I love how we can have any conversation, where we're super serious and honest, or where we're being weird and can't stop laughing, or anywhere in between. I swear, we have too much fun. You've always been willing to teach me anything you can and help me with whatever problems I may be facing. Thanks for all the help you give me in every aspect of my life. And for always giving me CURLY HAIR!!! You work so hard in everything for other people too, and I hope you know that your efforts don't go unnoticed. You always know what I need help with; sometimes I don't even realize I needed help until you start helping me. I am so lucky I have you because you are constantly present in my life; I can go to you whenever and it's not a problem, you're always down to talk to me or be with me.. You always put up with my craziness, keep me grounded, and push me to be better. You always know what I need to hear. Thank you for letting me do me all the time. I love you!
SHAN. What even is cute? Oh yeah, us. I almost forgot. You became my best friend so fast, because I barely knew you at all before this year and now all I do is cling to you. God placed you in my life because He knew I was going to need you now; you are so talented at people; you're so good at being a friend. (Haha, it must be hard being better than everybody else!) I remember one day that was pretty bad and you talked about things with me that should've made me uncomfortable but they didn't and I felt so loved I could hardly believe it. I've said a lot of things to you that are hard for me to say; you make me and everyone so comfortable. I'm able to talk to you in the middle of really low moments without feeling crazy and that is more of a blessing than you know. I loved having you in almost half of my classes this year, and all the problems we're able to talk to each other about, and all the fun stories we tell each other. FaceTiming you every day on the chamber trip was my fave. And thanks for letting me test all of my music on you before I show it to the rest of the world, and for just letting me send you random songs. And singing with you this year was so great, I've watched you grow a lot this year and you have no idea how proud I am of you. Thanks for helping me during crises, being cute, everything we laugh about, and for making me feel like I've ever done something for someone else. I love you!
Okay, Carter, confession time. Once a long time ago (because remembering things for you and I is my job) you and I were discussing mental illness and you said you thought it was possible to control, which I think is very true, but I'm not certain it's possible to just make it disappear. So when my mental stability started going way downhill, I was legit SO SCARED that you were going to think I wasn't trying hard enough to pull my life together. Maybe you do think that, I don't know. But thanks anyway for talking to me when I'm flipping out and for all the times you told me not to give up and that I could do it when I was crying to you about how I thought I had finally figured my life out. (Haha, you didn't know I was crying because I was messaging you, but oh well.) Thank you for always asking me "why", whether it's why I'm scared or why I'm sorry, because sometimes I need to talk about it and sometimes I don't even know why I'm sorry. And yeah, thanks for telling me all the time that I don't need to be sorry and that everything's okay. Haha, I know you think I'm crazy because you've told me, but you also told me that we wouldn't be friends if I wasn't and you love me that way. Thanks for watching movies with me and for listening to music with me even though you probably hate it. I miss talking to you every day, but that doesn't matter because you're still the best donut advocate. I love you!
And to all of you, thanks for not giving up on me. And for even being with me when I stop thinking, and trying to ground me again whenever I get lost in whatever anxiety/sorrow/anger I get lost in and reminding me that everything is fine. Haha, I put you guys through a lot, and I'm so glad I have friends that are willing to stick with me because of who I am. I wish I could help you all half as much as you have helped me. I feel like we only have one year of high school and I'm half expected to just accept the fact that I'm going to get new friends and I have to forget my old ones. And I don't know, I'm not really cool with that, because I love you guys.
And for the rest of you readers that aren't my squad, and to my squad too, sorry, because some of this post probably sounded a little gloomy, just because I guess it is, not to mention I wrote part of this on low days which makes everything sound worse. I really don't think on low days; that's why my friends are the best friends in the world. But everything's okay, because I'm a fighter just like all of you. Just don't let the bad things in life take over everything, because contrary to a popular belief, life is pretty great. And if there is a point in your life where bad things take over, don't despair. As Leo's mom (Heroes of Olympus) said, "Nothing is unfixable." *insert High School Musical jump*
Haha, I love you all.
--Lizzo