Adventures in the CLAM: First Mission Birthday ft. Not an Angsty Teen (August 26, 2019-September 1, 2019)

Hey everyone.
This week I write about my first birthday on my mission. This was a pretty memorable day and week. I didn't write much about it in my letters home, but for nearly two months at this point I had kind of been losing my mind with my anxiety. I was lucky to have a companion and many roommates that were very supportive of this and a lot better at recognizing and accepting it than I was. They really pushed me to get help and I couldn't have done it without them looking out for me. But I started talking about it with my mission president, and on my birthday he suggested I go back to therapy.
That was the beginning of a really important health journey for me. I finally got to the point where I accepted that I have anxiety and depression, a long-known fact that I had been in denial about for many years but was nonetheless true. I think at first I was pretty upset because I thought I had done my time before the mission. I went to therapy and worked really hard to get my health in check. I wanted to be better than this challenge.
But here's what I want to say to all of you on the matter. Ignoring your problems doesn't make them disappear. They in fact will probably rather scream for your attention and be ever more demanding. They will not ease up until they are taken care of. So my gosh, just take care of them.
To those of you that are preparing to be missionaries, I want you in particular to know that it is not only okay but GOOD to take care of your health while you're on your mission. If you read the Missionary Standards for Disciples of Jesus Christ book, a lot of it is honestly about prioritizing taking care of yourself. In what world is it logical for the Lord's servants to be self-neglectful and abusive? This makes no sense. I promise the Lord wants you happy and healthy as much as he wants that for any other person. As I said, I began an important health journey at this time, and a wonderful one at that. At therapy I learned a lot of skills and acknowledged a lot of problems about myself, and grew a lot stronger. This even led to me getting medication for my anxiety and depression. My mission therapist would always tell me that this isn't a happy pill, it's just something to take the edge off. I think as people with anxiety and depression that's something that's really hard for us to understand, to even imagine, and I think that's why it's so hard for us to take that leap. But now that I've done it I totally understand what she means. I still have anxiety and depression, but my medication gives me the ability to rationalize. It is easier for me to think clearly and calm myself down. So many people will tell you I am so much happier and do so much better now that I am on my medication and have my health a little more regulated. Do not hesitate to take positive steps for your health. At any time.
For the past little bit I have been reviewing mission letters from pre-therapy and remembering all the wonderful friends I taught and worked with at that time. It has absolutely broken my heart. Because I know they did not see the best version of me. Honestly I was a disaster. I was hard to like. I do not blame people that have had difficulty getting along with me at my lowest points. As a person that has anxiety and depression, I feel like I'm allowed to say that they can turn you into the vilest, nastiest version of yourself. I was having a really difficult time towards the end of my days in Reseda, and everyone knew it. I am so sorry to all of you for waiting so long to get to my best. I hope you see me again soon and are proud of how far I've come. Because I have come incredibly far. Like, I don't know the old her.
What a blessing to be preaching a gospel of repentance when the thing I needed the most was change?
Enjoy!

Hello one and all!

LA LOVE:
In our spare time, we (the sisters of the apartment) spend a lot of time learning various songs, whether they be about missionary work or the United States capitals. That has made this week interesting for sure.
I give the apartment makeup tutorials now, so there's that. Back at it doing what I love!
EVENTS OF THE WEEK:

Last p-day was my birthday! I am twenty now! Wow that was the best day ever. First of all got to call my fam and open gifts with them, so that was super cool. We had to go to the mission office for Sister Pace to take a Spanish test which was super fun because a LOT of my missionary friends were there so they were talking to me and sang to me and wow I love those pals. We went to Diddy Reese for ice cream sandwiches while we were in LA and that night we made brownies (no guys for real my brownies are so good) and it was the funnest time. All my friends are super sweet and made it the best birthday ever. I'm excited for this year and to only ever be twenty years old while I'm a missionary.
Sister Miller took us to breakfast for my birthday the next day! She is so sweet; we love her!

For district council this week we spent a lot of time preparing for zone conference by roleplaying simple principles that catch people's attention. Plus we brought the leftover brownies to the zone and let me tell ya everyone was obsessed with them. I love my zone so much. Also they all gave me a birthday card! So in case I didn't mention it before I LOVE THEM.

Zone conference was wonderful! Oh my gosh I love President Cordon so much. The focus of our conference was on commitments and how to achieve our goals and find people to teach. It really taught me a lot.
We had exchanges this week! It was my first time exchanging out of the area. I went to Northridge with Sister Merkley. It was weird working in another area but I love Sister Merkley early and it was awesome getting to spend the day with a dear friend of mine. I learned a lot from her.
We had a special zone prayer this weekend and Sister White and I had the privilege of preparing and giving a training about fasting to our zone.

Also, it was first time leading the music in church as a missionary! The ward choristers were not there this week so Brother Mulverhill asked Brother Rodriguez do you know anyone who could lead the music today? We all stood there in silence for a few seconds unti I said ...I can do it. Super fun times getting to serve the ward in that way.
FRIENDS:

Brother Hernandez finally got to meet Sukki and she loved them!

We read some conference talks with Tony this week and we talked a lot about priesthood authority and the Great Apostasy.
Johnny is ready to go for baptism! He is learning a lot about the commandments of God. Even when it is hard for him to understand of God. Even when it is hard for him to understand he says I know I'll know it's true just like I did with the Book of Mormon. We are so happy for him!

Something I've really been studying a lot this week is about the life of Jesus Christ. I really wanted to be well-acquainted with Him. Let me tell you what I've learned: He loves us all, and it's an infinite love. There is nothing so terrible that we could do that we can't turn back from. He has provided a way for us to do that BECAUSE He loves us. He is always waiting to heal us.
Thanks and much love!

--Sister Day