Happy Eight Years!

Hello one and all!
I understand that I've said this so many times already, but it has been a very hard year. With that said, I missed a very important event on the blog: on May 27, 2021, the blog had its eighth birthday.
Normally on the blog's anniversary, I publish a post to celebrate the occasion, but this time life just got so out of control, or at least that's how I felt. I have tried. I just never got around to writing this post, but I definitely had plans for it.
The blog birthday post doesn't have a theme to follow each year. I just write about whatever feels appropriate, and whatever fits the spirit of It's an Adventure! I contemplated a few different things to write this year, and I finally landed on the idea for a post I wanted to write regardless but felt fit the bill for the blog's birthday. Like I said, it's been a rough year. I definitely would appreciate some advice right now, as I surely would have many times during the year. I've wanted to write a post about some pieces of advice I could've benefitted from over the course of my life, and that's what I wanted to celebrate this blog birthday with. I've narrowed it down to eight pieces of advice to celebrate eight years.

You don't need them to be cool. I adore being liked very much. As I've entered adulthood, however, I have gotten increasingly comfortable with the idea of myself as an individual. It sounds weird, especially for those of you that know me personally and know that I always have been quite a loner, a very independent person. But I so desired having friends in my youth, and once I had those friends, or had chosen the friends I thought I should have, I wanted nothing more to be liked by them, and at times when I felt I didn't measure up, I took that out on myself. I thought it meant something was wrong with me, or that I had to do something more to be liked. Only in the beautiful innocence of childhood have I ever really considered myself cool--once junior high hit, however, I definitely felt less certain of that. As I approach, twenty-two years of age, however, I've changed my mind again. I'm a pretty colorful person, and I think that's pretty cool. And I realize now that I was always this cool and vibrant of a person, but the people that I loved weren't always okay with me being that kind of person. Because that was true, I viewed myself as uncool and would suppress parts of myself that I wanted to be but thought the people around me didn't want to be. Let me ask you this, past Lizzo and all others that find herself in the same situation--who the heck made them the foremost authority on what is and is not cool? Their opinion isn't more valuable than yours, homie. If you think it's cool, don't let the haters stop you from being that way. And, consider this--who says you need to keep associating yourself with those people? Why do you need those friends? Why can't you find friends that you enjoy being with and enjoy being yourself with? To adapt the catchphrase of a dear friend of mine, the cool comes from within.

Stop writing secret admirer notes. Just be bold and say it with your chest, girl. It's more fun.
(This goes for everything by away. Tell the guy you like him, stand up for the people that are being mistreated, say what you think. At best it helps yourself and others, at worst it starts an adventure.)

It's okay to just like what you like--you don't need to fit in or stand out. As you can infer from the first piece of advice, I really love fitting in. I hate being the odd one out. Well, unfortunately for me, I happen to be the odd one out a lot. My entire life people have called me weird in a variety of ways--that I march to the beat of my own drum, that I'm a character, you name it. It has driven me absolutely crazy (by the way, I hated being called crazy too). It took me twenty-one years of life to finally accept it. I stopped denying all these statements and finally just took an honest look at myself and realized the truth: I am really weird. I'm just very different from the majority of people. That has led to me feeling like an outsider for the majority of my life. As I've examined my life this year, however, I've finally decided that doesn't have to be a bad thing. When you think about it, what is objectively right or wrong about being weird? Why can't my favorite colors be pink and blue? Why can't I prefer cats over dogs? Why can't I love Taylor Swift? Why can't my two favorite movies be the 1992 Aladdin and A Quiet Place? What is so wrong with me sleeping with a book? What is wrong with being reserved but not being shy? I've finally accepted that the things that make me really quirky also make me really brilliant. I think I'm quite the fun person, to be honest.
With this said, I've had the opposite preached to me many a time in my life. Don't fit in--stand out! The same, however, is true. What is objectively right or wrong about standing out? Standing out isn't fun if you're manipulating who you are to make it happen. I've heard so many people say that being normal is boring. Some of the most "normal" people I know are also some of my favorite people. Why? Because it's who they genuinely are, and they are genuine about being that way. It is so beautiful, and there are so many types of beautiful people. So go ahead. Fit in. Stand out. I don't care. As long as it's true to yourself and true to what's good, that's what really matters.
The strong majority of people are not trying to hurt you. Sis, I don't know where you got the idea that anything otherwise is true, but it's not. Being born with anxiety probably wasn't helpful, but most people are trying their best just like you and are so very kind. If trusting people is too much of a leap to start, then begin with not fearing them. Because there is nothing to be afraid of.

Change is a good thing. As a person with anxiety, change used to drive me crazy. And it's not like change is entirely stress-free for me now. But a few years ago I finally realized the truth about change: it's what life is all about. I realized it's what Christianity is all about. I mean, my core belief in life is that Jesus suffered, died, and lived again for me so that no matter what happened to me in my life, I could have a second chance. That means the purpose of my life is change! Change isn't something we should run from or be afraid of. It's something to not just be anticipated but to embrace!

Take care of yourself. Sure, the purpose of your life is to take care of people. But people includes yourself, chica. Plus, it makes the rest of life so much easier if you are just making sure you have the things you need. It is okay to prioritize being okay. This doesn't mean being selfish, it just means making sure everything that needs to be taken care of is taken care of. (You are something that needs to be taken care of, honey.)

Don't apologize for taking up space. This is a lovely piece of advice that I've heard for years, but only this year did I fully embrace what it meant. I wonder if it was said so many times that it kind of lost meaning. I wonder if it was something that no one ever really elaborated about so I didn't ever actually understand it. What I've come to understand about the phrase is this: people apologize for just existing a lot. However, being alive isn't a crime. There's nothing wrong with you being in a room. There's nothing wrong with eating. There's nothing wrong with walking. Nothing wrong with breathing. I've apologized for/felt guilty for doing all of the above things. No offense to myself or anyone else, but it's ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with existing. In fact, I'm glad we all do!

Make the place you want to be wherever you are. In regards to concluding my missionary service and my college summer plans, people would always inquire to me about going home. That has annoyed me for a long time. I know what they mean: they're referring to where my parents live in Henderson, Nevada. But I hate that that is what people refer to as my home, because it's not. It certainly is one of my homes, because I consider all the places I've lived home. And Las Vegas certainly is my hometown. But it's not my main home, because my main home is wherever I live. I have spent so much time in my life wanting to be wherever I'm not, and not just physically. When I was eighteen I finally reached my breaking point with that matter. I felt like I had blown my freshman year of college, and I promised myself I would never face that level of regret again, not as far as it was in my control. So to me, home is where the heart is quite literally--home is wherever I happen to be. Because in my mind, home should be the place you feel most comfortable and I want to be most comfortable in whatever my current situation is. Not every situation is ideal, but it can always be better or worse. It's all about trying to make your situation the best you can and be as happy as you possibly can be while you're there.

I hope any of the above advice helps you. It definitely helped me to write it out. Those are some of the things I need to remember most, things that I too frequently forget. But when we live by those rules, when we prioritize happiness coming from inside ourselves and doing whatever is good and true, life is not only an adventure, but an enjoyable one.
Thanks for being a part of my great adventure. Here's to another great year!

My Experience at My First Pride Celebration

I have been away for so much longer than I intended to be. This has honestly been a pretty hard year. Between personal struggles, depressive episodes, lots of school and work, and anxiety, there have been a number of roadblocks. That said, I'm really happy to be back and I'm really happy with where I'm at in life right now.
 

The other week I was the audio/visual technician at a pride celebration hosted in the Great Hall at my school. While walking home from this event, I couldn't stop thinking about it and how I honestly wanted to write about it right that second. The experience was a narration worth telling about.
To preface this story, I want to say that if anything comes off as disrespectful in any way, I apologize. My intention is not to hurt anyone; quite the opposite. I just want to tell the story as it happened, and what it made me think of.
I also feel like I should give context for who I am, to maybe explain how I would see this experience. I am a Christian (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). I believe that marriage is sacred, supported by God, and that it was meant to be between a man and a woman, with complete fidelity to your spouse and yourself before and during marriage. With that said, I want to tell you about my first pride celebration.
I went to this celebration for work. I'm an audio/visual technician, so for almost all on-campus events, any sound or video/lighting equipment needed is set up by us. This pride celebration took place on campus, so we were called in to work for it, and I was assigned to the particular job. I honestly didn't know what to expect.
I think I thought it would be a campus-run event, and pretty casual.. I was wrong. When I got to the Great Hall, there were about three people already there. They were setting up a snack table. All of them were wearing pretty extreme clothing, and it made me quite nervous. I didn't know what I was getting into, and I'm a pretty reserved person. However, I was just there to work, and even though I had to stay through the whole event, I usually wasn't much of a participant in events I worked for, so I just started setting up and figured that was pretty much all I would be doing that evening.
The party requested microphones and music, the latter provided by the hosts. After I got the microphones set up, I asked the host of the party what music he had for me to play. He told me that it was his first time ever planning and hosting a party. I told him that I hadn't worked an event in this space in quite awhile (thus why I was kind of running around like I didn't know what I was doing), so we were at least kind of in the same boat and just gonna get through it together.
I finally figured out where to plug in the device to get his music playing. Soon guests started showing up and I started playing music. He had made a special pride parade for the event. I just had to sit there and let it play. I sat in the back and wrote.
As the hosts continued getting the final pieces of the party ready and people started showing up, I heard the hosts mention a drag show that would be the final event of the evening. That REALLY freaked me out. I think you guys know that I'm not super interested in engaging in sexual things, and definitely not in watching other people engage in sexual things. I was worried about having to leave in the middle of the party if I got too uncomfortable. However, as the hosts discussed this part of the event, they were so respectful. They were making a set list and even asking every participant what they wanted to be called when they performed, whether it was their real name or a stage name. They looked over every song to make sure that it was appropriate, not too explicit or graphic, because this was a family-friendly party; there were a lot of adults as well as a lot of little children there. They discussed telling people to keep their performances clean, and to tell the audience before the drag show started so they could leave if they weren't comfortable with participating. It touched my heart how much consideration they were taking into how other people felt at their party.
Like I said, I don't typically do much during events like this, so I expected to just sit in the back and monitor the music while it played. However, throughout the night multiple people came and requested me to play specific songs. Eventually I asked the host if I was allowed to take requests because I just kept getting them, and he said that was absolutely fine. It was so fun talking to people and finding the songs they wanted me to play, adding them to the queue of music. Not only was I a participant in this event, but I wanted to be, so different from so many of my tech jobs.
Most of the evening was socializing, snacking, and dancing. Friends and families were all gathered together. Contrary to what I thought would be the case, this event wasn't run by the school. It had been put on by a couple of students, so it was just a small community event for people that were interested in coming. Everyone gathering together and having a great time in each other's company was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.
Eventually it was announced what time the drag show would start, and pointing out that if anyone was uncomfortable with that part of the event, that was when they should slip out. The host made the announcement that he said he would, that the performers were supposed to keep it family-appropriate. He also said that people that felt comfortable being touched or danced with should sit in the front, and those that did not should sit in the back. Again, I was filled with love witnessing this man's respect and appreciation for his guests and doing everything he could to make them feel comfortable. This was his first time hosting a party? He was doing amazing. I was so impressed.
Of course I had been initially nervous for the drag show. However, it wasn't really a drag show. Only one of the performances made me uncomfortable, so I just chose not to watch that one. The others were pretty much just people dancing, interacting with the audience, singing, having a great time together. One guy even brought his roommates and their instruments and performed a few songs. It was what a party should be in my eyes, the more chill version of the parties that One Direction sings about but that you've never actually been to. Between every performance the host hyped up the previous performer and introduced the next one. At one point, a woman went up to sing a song that she was extremely nervous for. To reassure herself, she kept saying, "You're with family." The audience cheered, encouraged, and supported her throughout the entire performance.
As the evening went on, one of my old professors asked the two gentlemen who put the party together to say a few words. She was so grateful for them for putting this event together.
The gentlemen said that they were just hanging out one evening when they casually mentioned how they should put together a pride celebration. As they kept talking, the idea became more and more of a reality until they finally realized they were going to actually do it. They expressed so much joy and gratitude, and maybe that wasn't even verbal; but the way they were glowing was so significant to me. I think it was one of multiple times that night that I got choked up.
The last thing our host said was that living in Cedar City (a small town with not much cultural diversity), he was pretty sure that a lot of members of the LGBT+ community felt alone. To that he said, "Look around! We're all here." They had a lot of friends around them, and there were more people with them than they had realized. They really did have a community in their town.
After the event, before I cleaned up, I did something I don't think I've ever done before at a job: I congratulated him on how well he did, which he really appreciated. I knew he had been anxious for the event, how much work and care he had put in, and that I had genuinely enjoyed the party. It was some of the most fun I'd ever had working an event.
For those of you that want a summary of what the celebration of pride month is all about, I'd say my host friend said it best in his closing remarks. It's just to let people know they're not alone. Sexuality aside, beliefs aside, it is about what everything should be about: showing people they are not alone.
You all well know what I believe. I stated it at the beginning of this post. What I believe, however, can be well summarized by a few simple verses from the Bible, dictating the wise words of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Matthew 22:36-40):
"Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
The most important things in the world to me are loving God and loving His children. To love God, I worship Him and follow His teachings. To love His children, I show them compassion and support, no matter what they do. At the end of the day, I believe almost everyone is trying to do what's right, and sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. But I know if people judged me based on every time I tried to do the right thing and failed, I would hope they would show me compassion, because that happens quite frequently. I'm a Christian because I'm a sinner, which means I need help to get better. All of us fall short. If God shows me grace, the least I can do is show grace to everyone else. Quite honestly, what other people do is none of my business. I can only control how well I take care of them. I believe it's my responsibility to take care of others the best I can.
One of the education classes I took last semester was schools, society, and diversity. We talked about different aspects of identity in this class and how we could help our students in all of the different identities they come from. During the weeks that we talked about sexual orientation, the question came up (I think multiple times) of how to support our students even if we disagreed with their actions. The answer is so much simpler than people realize, or maybe than they're ready to accept. I learned when I was about sixteen years old that supporting someone and supporting what they do are two different things. Thinking otherwise means that your love is conditional, and love shouldn't be that way. It is none of my business what other people do, just like it is none of their business what I think/feel about what they do. When it comes to love, it is irrelevant. I still believe in traditional marriage, but when someone trusts me with an important part of who they are, there is no reason for me to tell them. I know so many people do things like that in an attempt to love and support the person while still making it clear what they believe, but when a person is in a vulnerable moment like that, it just makes them feel unheard and unloved, whether that is the intention or not. If someone asks or it comes up, that is of course fine to bring up, because there's nothing wrong with sharing what you believe in a comfortable and appropriate situation. But the overall priority is to make people feel loved. To love somebody, you do not have to understand them or justify what they do.
A small example is my dear friend Lily and I. She was my last mission companion, and you have never met two people that are more different. Everything that's true for her, the opposite is true for me. We even navigated our way through a personality quiz with the other sisters that lived in the building. Our personality types were literally exact opposites. But she is one of my best friends to this day, one of the companions I was the closest to. Just because we loved each other. And I think we could even recognize that the things that were different about us, the ways that we saw the world, they made us stronger when we worked together. We loved each other before we did anything else, and that is what makes any relationship good.
There's another passage from the Bible that speaks to the theme of pride month is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."
If you want to love someone, be patient and be kind. We're all just out here trying our best, and we're all just out here trying to not feel alone. Let's all do the best we can to help each other out.
Thanks and much love!

Why Talking About Spirituality and Religion is Important

 Hello one and all!
Things are so wild and so good. I have suffered some immense difficulty over the past few months, but that is only fair when I consider all of the amazing joys and blessings that I get to live every day. I love school, I love my job, I love the people I live with, and just all of the small and beautiful things about everyday life. And of course I love getting to write with all of you!

As you all well know, I am a very religious person. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and it plays a huge part in my life--like, such a huge part that it can't really be described; I often am asked what my life would look like if I didn't know about the things I believe and I genuinely couldn't tell you because they are such a fantastically large part of me.
With that said, and as many of you well know just from knowing me, I can hardly have a conversation without God coming up. Since God is at the center of everything I do, it only makes sense that God is at the center of everything I talk about. Sometimes I feel like it might come off as a gimmick, but the truth is that if I don't mention God frequently I feel guilty. As I believe it, God gave me everything in my life. Every good thing that happens to me is because of Him. For me, I talk about God and my religious beliefs a lot because in my eyes God is the origin of every wonderful thing in my life.
To be honest, though, I know that I'm a pretty rare person in that regard. Most people aren't like that. A lot of people avoid talking about religion or try to hide their beliefs altogether. Some people fear being bullied or belittled, and others don't want to cause contention or arguments. In fairness, therefore, I get why some people are hesitant to talk about their spiritual beliefs.
But I don't think it should be that way. I in fact think that sharing spiritual beliefs is so important and, that if it happened more often, the whole world would be a lot better off. My hope is that I can start a conversation here today on why this is important and how we can let go of the things holding us back from having these amazing conversations with each other.
In my religion, we believe that all religions hold truth. Since that's true, I love learning about other people's beliefs. Everyone's ideas contain such great insights on our spirits, on the world, on the purpose of life, on God, on so many things. When I hear other people talk about their religious beliefs and share their ideas with me, I learn more about my own beliefs and who God is. The love and joy of hearing someone sincerely talk about what they believe is so pure and beautiful that it is simply uplifting just to hear.
The problem we have with talking about religion is that we have made it a bad thing because we've turned it into a debate when it should really just be a conversation. We have so much to learn from each other that we can't afford for it to be an argument. Here's the thing, people (and as a return missionary for my Church, I can say this with more conviction than probably anyone else): people are not going to listen to you if you are mean and belittle them. So when I want people to believe in God because He has blessed my life so much, I do not tell them they are going to hell! Because no one wants to go where love is not present. I tell them how much I have felt the love of God and how He has made me a better person, and I leave it at that. Because that's the truth, and that's all anyone that wants to learn more about my religion really needs to know at its core.
The thing to keep in mind with religious conversations is that no one needs to convince anyone of anything. I have friends across many religious denominations and talk about religion with them frequently. They know it's important to me, and it is important to many of my friends as well! Like I said, we don't all believe the same. But we're friends, and we're okay with that. We see that our beliefs are deeply personal to each of us and that all of our beliefs stem from goodness and a desire to do the right thing. When you think about it that way, there is truly nothing to argue about. Everyone is trying to do what's right! Only pure intentions here! That means that good things are going to happen. When we walk into a conversation about spiritual beliefs knowing that no one there needs to convince anyone of anything, we just need to talk about things that matter to us, everyone can be uplifted by the conversation and learn a lot. I know I sure have learned a lot from people of other religions. For example, I love studying Judaism because it teaches me so much about my religion. I've also enjoyed learning about symbolisms and rituals in Catholicism. There is so much to enjoy about each religion and I love hearing about what other people believe.
This subject makes me think of a personal experience in my life that took place just over a year ago. My best friend of about four years is an atheist. You all know I am a very devoted Christian. She is so kind and understanding of my religion. She lets me share the things that matter to me, and understands that there are some things in life that I hold sacred, even if she does not believe those same things. This friend of mine was also raised in a Christian home, but she decided preteen/teenage years that she didn't believe the things she had grown up being taught.
Since I knew her religious origins and I knew her present religious standings, I was always curious about her spiritual journey and how she got to the point of the holding her new beliefs. I always wanted to ask, but I was too scared to do it. Who can say why? Maybe it was because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, or maybe it was because I was afraid she would think I was trying to make her feel ashamed of her beliefs, when all I genuinely wanted was to know.
Well, as you can imagine, being a missionary kind of changed that. Talking to random strangers (a number of which later become good friends) about religious beliefs all day every day will quickly make it absolutely comfortable to do in every context. One day I was writing to my friend and told her that I had always wondered about her beliefs and her religious journey and I wondered if she would be willing to do a phone call with me sometime just to talk about it. She said that she would love to, and that (get this, folks) she usually just didn't talk about religious things because she didn't want to cause an argument.
We did a serious of phone calls in which we talked about her beliefs and mine. We got to understand how we both came to believe in/not believe in God, and what our thoughts on life and death were. She asked any and all random questions she could think of about my religion and I answered them. And we even talked about how good it was for us to have these conversations with each other, how it made us both think about what we really believed. Neither of us changed our religions during that time, but I do think that both of us changed. Having these conversations is a great opportunity to learn from those around us and even from ourselves.
So I guess if I had any invitation to give it would be that. Don't be afraid of talking about what you believe; in fact, seek out opportunities to do it. It will be hard to get other people on board at first, but it's just because they're afraid. Maybe if we make it clear that we have no intention or desire to cause an argument that will help. Maybe it will just take some explaining: "Hey, my religion means a lot to me so I just like to talk about it a lot. I like to learn about what other people believe too. I think it's so fascinating how much can be learned from what other people believe." I think that is what the majority of people want out of religious conversations, but they are afraid that others will perceive it the wrong way. If we all work together, there's a lot we can learn from each other. We can be united just as God intends us to.
Thanks and much love!

No Eating Rules?

Hello one and all!
I've provided a few new videos over the past few weeks, but I've been away from the keyboard for quite some time, and I'm sorry about that. I miss writing whenever I'm away from it.
I have been ridiculously busy, as you can imagine. Why anyone in their right mind would willingly choose to study English education, theatre, and film, I really don't know. I don't even know why people willingly choose to study English at all. The amount of reading and writing we have to do is absolutely ridiculous. And studying English education in specific is essentially like having a double major. So what I'm getting at is I have a double major and a double minor. Pray for me if you will.
But in all seriousness, I have had a really hard semester for so very many reasons. There have been many days I have been practically entirely unable to function. Things have gotten better as I've reached out for help and told people about my situation. Thank you all so  much for supporting me through all of the difficulties of this new semester. With all of that said, I feel so endlessly grateful to be in the position where I am. I can't believe that I get to study the only things I love every day (and I mean that quite literally, because I take religious classes at the religious institute across the street as well), and that there are a bunch of people like me that I am making connections with and working with all the time, and we are making each other's work better. I feel so much joy to be in this position. I can't believe that making content for people to enjoy and teaching young children how to do the same is something that I get to do for the rest of my life.

It has been requested that I write a post about mental health. There have been a lot of things on my mind that I would like to write about, but one thing in specific has been continuously coming up and I feel like I should finally address it. People are frequently curious about what I mean when I say it's important to not have eating rules.
I think most of you know that I suffered from disordered eating for many years of my life. The behaviors reached their disastrous peak when I was eighteen and that's when I finally started getting help. A lot more was required than I expected, and that's because a lot more was wrong than I understood. I ended up meeting frequently with an eating disorders specialist, and that was one of the best and most difficult summers of my life. While healing isn't easy, it is so happy. I think of that time with so much fondness. The lessons learned in eating therapy are far too vast for one post, so I'm going to try my hand at explaining this lesson in as clear and concise a manner as I possibly can.
I think this concept is well-introduced by a story from my therapy days. My therapist, Penny, asked if there was a time in my life I could recall that I felt really healthy. I thought on it for a minute, and I think I mentioned my sophomore winter guard season. I thought I ate pretty well at that time, and as a result I remember my body just typically feeling really good, no major complaints. I remember feeling so strong, like I could do anything. And I did do a lot of good stuff with my color guard team. We worked hard and performed well. I loved the athletic outlet I had with my team; I loved the activity and the way it felt. The follow-up question perplexed me. Penny asked, "Did you have any rules?"
I didn't really know what she meant. I just sat there confused for a moment and finally had to ask for clarification. She said, "Did you have any rules, things you were and weren't allowed to eat?"
I reflected on it in that therapy session, and I've reflected on it even more since, now that I have a better understanding of the things that I learned in therapy. (If you're puzzled and perplexed by the things you learn in therapy, even after therapy is done, don't lose hope--it takes time to absorb all of the cool knowledge we get there!) I didn't. At least not any major or conscious ones. It probably was one of the healthiest times of my life, because I don't remember thinking about food as something I had to manage as much as I did in other times of my life. I just ate. When I needed to, I ate. I remember having a pretty healthy and balanced diet. Very little extremes seemed to be happening at the time. And of course along with the good eating habits I had the activity from color guard, and that combination contributed to my body feeling pretty great all the time. There were no eating rules.
I learned how to eat at therapy the summer of 2018. It sounds dramatic, but it's true; I realized that summer that I really had not known how to eat for my whole life--or at least for the strong majority of it. That summer I learned the two major rules for eating that would lead to a happy and healthy me.
The first rule is that there can be absolutely no rules. I know it sounds so dumb and cliche, while simultaneously sounding out of the norm when talking about physical health, but this will be the most healthy eating rule you ever learn in your life. No eating rules allowed. None.
The second rule, which surely sounds crazy because I just said we can't have rules, is to eat a wide variety of things. Pairing this rule with the first puts the first eating rule a little more in context. When I say no eating rules, I mean you shouldn't put personal boundaries on what you aren't allowed to eat. (Like, keeping avoiding your food allergies, bros. I'm still not gonna eat avocado because I still get ill every time I do. Food restrictions for your own personal health reasons are allowed.) Have you quit eating sugar? Stop that! You need sugar! Don't put unnecessary limits on what you can and can't eat.
I hope this is making some semblance of sense. Let me elaborate a bit.
I don't remember if it was the same therapy session or not, but this was one that shook me to my core. My therapist was describing to me what normal and healthy hunger and eating is like. It is an entirely different world from what I was experiencing back then. She was talking about how frequently a body should feel hungry if it is eating normally (every two to three hours), and how periodically I should be eating full meals and snacks. At this point she described the variety in eating. She described different foods as parts of this eating habit. Different things I could eat as a snack. And then she said, "And for one day you could have a candy bar for a snack."
*cue brain explosion*
I was in absolute shock. This was a turning point for me. I could not believe it. Candy bars are unhealthy food--so you can't eat them, right?
Wrong. What is inherently wrong with a candy bar from time to time? Seriously, what? Nothing. It's okay to eat a wide variety of things.
When I realized that eating those things was okay, my entire life changed. I started looking at things so differently, and I started acting so differently. It is one of the things that helped me realize eating isn't a crime. It helped me start to branch out and put myself in less of a box.
As we continued our sessions, at the end of every meeting Penny would ask me about any other random eating thoughts I had. I would tell her what I was thinking and feeling at that time. And every response reinforced this idea.
"I've been feeling like I want to eat less oils lately," I'd say. " I feel like I've just been eating a lot of that and it makes me feel gross."
"I'm really glad you said you want to eat less and not that you want to stop eating it," she said. "It is perfectly fine to change your eating to make sure you are eating more balanced. But you don't want to restrict yourself from eating certain things."
I started using these rules as ways to figure out what I wanted to eat. When it was time for me to eat, I would think about what I had already eaten today. Okay, I've eaten a protein today and a fruit today. Maybe I can have a grain or a vegetable now. I would just think about what I had already eaten that day, and start thinking about what I could eat that wasn't one of those things. And when my mind fell across something I hadn't eaten yet that sounded good to my body, I would eat that. It was amazing.
So that's what I mean when I say there are no eating rules. The best way to eat is just listen to whatever your body is feeling at the time. Like in the above example: I felt like I was eating too much of one type of food, and my body didn't like it. I was starting to learn to listen, so I picked up on that. And ate less, not stopped eating it altogether. Whatever my body tells me do, I try to do it.
I know what you're thinking, because this is what people tell me so frequently when I bring up not having eating rules. "But Lizzo, if I didn't have eating rules and just ate whatever I felt like eating, I would just eat garbage all the time. I would never eat anything healthy." This is both true and false. I mean, as you learn to listen to your body this might be true initially. But if this is about listening to the way your body feels, this wouldn't be true forever. If you only eat high-sugar foods all day every day, you're going to get sick, and your body is going to demand you stop. It's going to demand you eat something else. As you learn to listen to how your body genuinely feels when you prepare to eat, you will eat what your body is really asking for. And sometimes that might be healthier foods and sometimes it might be unhealthier, but as long as you are listening to whatever your body is asking for in that moment, your body will be happy and healthy.

Here's the other thing I get all the time. If people are going on a no sugar diet or something similar, I'll tell them about how I don't have eating rules. And they'll laugh and tell me, "Well, Lizzo, you've been restricting your eating for years. I'm doing this because I've gone too long without eating rules!"
Woah, I didn't say no eating rules for just people that have had disordered eating issues. This is for everyone! Because it is based just on listening to the needs of your body. Have you been living without eating rules? Or have you internalized a culture that has convinced you eating is a sin? So maybe when you were eating what you want to (which remember is not inherently wrong), you were just feeling guilty about it because you thought you weren't supposed to. When there was actually nothing wrong.
I just want you all to know how loved and valuable you are. Particularly by me. The way I eat isn't special for me. I know it can be hard to wrap your mind around--trust me, I was there not long ago. But eating without rules is just normal eating. It just is. It is allowing yourself to just exist. Loves, you deserve to just exist. You deserve to not beat yourself up for being alive.
Thank you so much for being my strength as I've gone through all of these things in my life. I hope to be yours.
Feel free to ask any questions in the comments. Thanks and much love!

New Year, New Me

 Hello one and all!
I understand that it has been a really long time since I have written any content here, but wow, am I so happy to be here. It's very nice to write purely original content now that I am a fully settled civilian. As you surely know I have been very busy. Sometimes with moments that I was fighting anxiety with my life, sometimes just because I have a great job and great education. A new semester has begun, and I am more committed than ever to what I do. This fine semester I am taking script analysis; methods of teaching writing; intro to film; schools, society, and diversity; and foundations in education at the university, as well as foundations of the Restoration and choir at the religious institute. So as you can imagine, I am loving school right now. I am surely very busy as you understand. That along with the stress I was facing the past month has made it hard to get back on the blog. But now, I'm back! And even better, I have the next TWO months of blog content scheduled and planned, so I am so excited for that and all the amazing adventures we have coming our way. I am thriving! And genuinely so happy with the place I am at in life.

Today we start the second month of a new year--the year is young! Over the past month I have been having a lot of miscellaneous thoughts about the new year, or I guess the concept of being new in general. I've wanted to share them all with you, and I've compiled them into a single coherent thought right here.
A few weeks ago I was playing games with some roommates and friends. One of the games involved all of us reacting to different statements and prompts that we were sent to each of our phones, except for one of us who got nothing--that person was called the faker, and had to just pretend to know what was going on. To win the game, we all had to guess who the faker was.
Well, one round of this game I was the faker. Most of you know that I am pretty bad at faking things, but I of course still had to give it my best shot. For this particular round we were reacting facially to a bunch of different statements. As my friends read the statement they were sent, I stared at my phone and determined what face I would make. I decided on a gigantic, beaming smile.
When the time came, I grinned. I looked around at all my friends. They were all grimacing, or making some sort of dreary face.
The statement was then revealed. We were supposed to react with the face we make when it is Monday.
Everyone was really suspicious of me because I was the only one making a happy face. But I defended myself, saying that Monday is one of my favorite days of the week. Which was not a lie--that is actually true. And they could tell that was a genuine statement, so they let it slide that time. I did, however, get caught the very next round.
I know that I am in the strong minority by loving Mondays. But I really do, and I love Mondays for the same reason everyone loves a new year. Mondays are the start of a new week. It doesn't matter what last week looked like. It may have been the best week ever or it may have been absolute garbage. But regardless, Monday is the mark of a new week. This is a new opportunity to stay on top of my homework, to succeed at work, to connect with God on a better level, to love my friends and family, to to learn and create and become the best version of myself--and I would be lying if I said missionary emails weren't a significant contributor to my love for Mondays as well. Sure, there are times that it can be intimidating to face a whole new week of life, but most of the time it's exciting for me. This is an opportunity to do better than I did before.
I think that's why everyone loves a new year. It is a mark of change--it is something entirely new. I must say that a new year is not all the hype that people make it out to be, because it is not like a new year comes and everything automatically resets. In fact, I'm just gonna say it straight: nothing but the year magically resets when a new year comes. However, I think the thing we must remember that is actually special about this event is that something is new. Something is untainted and we have the ability to make it our own.
For me, the start of a new year also means the start of a new semester. That's what really brought these goals on, to be honest, but I think they made me more see the value of new year's resolutions, so consider me converted on that matter. I made some decisions for the semester in ways I want to do better. I of course set some homework goals, but I also set one for myself personally. I made a goal to just let myself be, to let myself exist in my own skin comfortably. One of the things that made my missionary service such an enjoyable experience is that for the first time in quite a long time (not always, of course; I won't say this was never a struggle for me) it was easy for me to be myself and feel comfortable just living as I am. Not only was it the first time in a long time like that, but there have been very few times in my life when that has actually been true. I'm sure you can imagine the dilemma it is being a quiet person with a loud personality. When the quiet person wins, the loud personality feels trapped and heartbroken because nobody truly knows and understands her. When the loud personality wins, the quiet person is highly embarrassed and laments why she has to be the way that she is. It has been a struggle living in this beautiful soul of mine. But when I truly let myself be myself, it is the best feeling. That was one of the things that made the mission so great, and here's what I have learned and have to continuously remind myself: the right people in life will be okay with that and make you feel good about that, and when it's hard for you to accept yourself as you are, they remind you that you should, and that they accept you as you are. And it won't even be a fight. When you have genuinely good people in your life, people that want you in their lives, you are not competing for attention. You are not trying to convince people of anything. (This can be a hard pill for me to swallow, because I have pretty much convinced myself that life is built of trying to manipulate your way to convincing people of things.) You don't trick people into loving you. People that want to be in your life will just be in your life. If they don't, that's fine. They don't deserve to be somewhere they don't want to be, and you don't deserve to beat yourself up every day trying to convince someone (to no avail--it NEVER works, EVER, and that will never change) that doesn't want to be there to stay.
With that said, I have decided that no matter what, it's time to break my comfort zone and just let myself exist in every moment, whether it's a moment I feel comfortable existing in or not. I want to start by making it clear that this has not been easy. There are still so many moments when I hide in the shell I've built for myself, times that I am paralyzed with fear and filled with overwhelming anxiety. But the point of goals isn't to be perfect immediately, but rather to improve over time. And I can genuinely say I've done that. Dear friends, I am happy to report that I have already seen such a success in this and it's only been one month, and it's such a joy to have this goal a few months after my missionary service because I know that experience definitely prepared me for this moment. I feel good being who I am (almost all the time) and letting people into my life. People say hi to me in the halls at school, and it makes me feel like the coolest person ever. I feel so much more comfortable smiling at people and helping others. I feel more comfortable looking dumb, which is HUGE for me, but I've decided I can make looking dumb look graceful. I make comments in class, comments that put myself out there and show how much I really love what I do, and I'm brave in class and try to act as I would, as I feel, as I am. And people respond to what I say so positively, because I am a person worth listening to, whether I've let myself believe that or not in the past. People introduce themselves to me before/after class. I feel so much more known and so much more loved and so much a part of this world that I was literally made to be a part of.  I still struggle, but that doesn't matter--that will always be true. But what is also true is that I have improved so much and really come into my own even more thus far this year.
Whatever your goals are for the new year, I believe in you. I know you can do this. And I implore you to remember the following: if your year started bad, remember that it is not the end--not the end of the year, and not the end of you. It is just the beginning of both. I have talked a lot about all of the joy I have experienced at the beginning of this new year, but I have also experienced unbelievably painful anxiety and grief--like literally, I was even shocked by how much it hurt and how long that pain could last. I actually have a track record in most of my adult civilian life starting with heartbreak. But I'm okay with that. New years are great opportunities to remember new moments, and the reality of the thing is that every moment can be a new moment. Years aren't the only things that start anew--months do, and days do, and hours do, and minutes do, and even seconds do. Think of all the countless opportunities we have to start again! It is truly a miracle. There is never a stopping point. It is never too late to turn back and to make yourself into who you truly want to be--and this is coming from a woman that has definitely had many points in her life when it seemed that my life was unfixable.
Many people choose a theme for the year in a phrase, word, or group of words. For me, I choose a theme of the year in song. I choose a song that is going to represent my mindset in the coming year. Here I'm formally announcing that my song of the year is "I Am Enough" by Cimorelli, and I think it very well encompasses my goal for the year. Inadequacies will always exist inside me, but that isn't going to kill me. It doesn't matter who is or isn't in my life. It doesn't matter what people think. It matters that I exist. EVERYONE is enough--we are children of a powerful God! That is awesome. That is so incredibly enough. That is amazing. And that is something that is independent--no one can change that. No one can take that away from you. That will remain true forever. I will always be enough due to that fact--as will everyone on this earth.
With that said, I've been thinking a lot about something else lately. I started this year feeling very weak. Circumstances that had me feeling very vulnerable and hurt and with a broken heart. But this was also a really awesome opportunity--it gave me the chance to recommit to relying on God. It helped me see how much I need Him, because I can take that for granted from time to time, when really every day I should cherish what a miracle that is. It gave me so much opportunity to learn about the strength behind weakness, because Jesus is the strength in us. So when we are weak, we are actually (if we choose to rely on the Lord) the strongest we will ever be. It only makes sense: Jesus asks us to bring to him "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" in sacrifice to Him--so is there really any other way to come to God than to be weak?
This thought has been bringing a new realization to me. Is being alive really about discovering that we are enough? Or is it really about realizing we are in fact not enough, and learning to be okay with that
The answer is definitely both. As I said, we are children of God, and that makes us enough. But we're definitely not enough on our own. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. But that's okay. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." We are made whole through our Savior. We become enough through Him. What a joy! What a mercy! What a miracle!
So yes it's true, there's nothing wrong with saying we are enough, because it's true. But with this new realization and with being increasingly comfortable in my own skin, I'm just going to bask in not being enough and being perfectly fine with that for awhile.
I hope you all have a great rest of the new year.
Thanks and much love!

Adventures in the CLAM: "I'll See You on the Other Side" (August 24, 2020-August 30, 2020)

Hello everyone. Writing this today feels rather somber.
I feel like I'm mourning my death all over again. I feel like I'm at my child's funeral. Celebrating and remembering the death of something I loved and gave my everything for. I've spent time reminiscing and laughing and crying and feeling pretty much all the feelings as I've remembered what a beautiful thing this was in my life. And now that the remembering is over, I feel scared. I feel a new kind of heartbroken. Because it ended long ago. But now that the official remembering period is done, it feels like a new kind of really over. A really over that has come in so many stages, and this is another one.
But, and as funny as it might sound to say this because I'm pretty sure either no young adult women or all young adult women think about this man as much as I do, I am entirely serious (probably) when I say it reminds me of the classic David Archuleta bop:
"I see you in the morning light.
I see you in the midnight sky.
I feel it everywhere around me,
never have to say goodbye.
It doesn't matter where I go.
I feel you in every memory.
I hold them till I see you again
through the cracks of heaven."
I see missionary work in everything now. I see California in everything now. I see Jesus in everything now more than I ever have. Remembering is never really over. This was a significant part of my life. I literally cannot let it go. It is a part of me. Just about every return missionary I know says that is true. None of us ever really forget. It was that sacred. It was that special.
This week at church out of absolutely nowhere I was flooded and overwhelmed out of absolutely nowhere by what a tender mercy my mission call was. I know so many missionaries have it so much harder than I did when applying to be a missionary, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't very difficult to get out on a mission. When I got a mission call, it had been about a year since I had started my application. It was the most amazing feeling and the greatest miracle. I remember sitting there and having to tell myself over and over, "This is real." When I got in that moment that I had dreamed of for years, I couldn't believe that it was finally happening. I still can't believe how perfect that assignment was for me. While I was waiting for my call, people would always ask me where I wanted to go. I always told them that I didn't know, but I could tell that God had one place for me that was the perfect place to me, and I didn't know where that was, but I knew that when I found out I would know it was perfect. It would be the place for me. I had no idea how true that was. LA really was my one place. The only time during my missionary service when I left the California Los Angeles Mission boundaries was for a Dodgers game just down the street from our mission. Most missionaries go to a missionary training center. I did not. The whole time I applied to be a missionary I talked about how much I didn't want to go to a training center. It didn't sound appealing to me at all. Some of it even sounded scary to me. I was never assigned to go to a training center, and I know that's because God knew it wasn't right for me. The more I learn about the training center, the more I realized how much (in particular at the beginning of my mission) the environment would have upset me, the number of missionaries there would have scared me, and the eating situation would have absolutely paralyzed me. I would not have been able to function. I would have fallen apart, and I was not meant to do that. I was meant to stick it out. I was meant to make it to Los Angeles and teach people about Jesus Christ and His gospel. God didn't let me go to the places that would break me. As a two-transfer missionary, even once I was in LA as I was assigned, there was no guarantee I would stay there. There was in fact no guarantee that I would stay on a mission at all. But I couldn't even imagine leaving LA. It fit me like a glove. The entire mission lifestyle did. It was incredible--it was like the first time in my life that I had felt that level of comfortable in my own skin. God knew that when I got another mission call to extend my mission, it needed to be in Los Angeles.
Can we talk about how amazing it was to be in Los Angeles at all? It was love at first sight for me when I first went there at age fifteen. When I made my second visit my freshman year of college, I spent the trip thinking about how alive I felt when I was in LA. I felt like I was where I was truly meant to be, exactly in my element. That was about one year before I reported to my mission. I had no idea exactly how true those thoughts were at the time. But God did. I wish I could even begin to describe how much that angelic city means to me, but to be honest, I think that would take up a post of its own, so I'm not even going to try.
I left for this incredible journey at the exact right time. I had waited so long and I remember that effortful wait being so excruciating at certain moments. I remember wondering what was wrong with me and just being in pain. But I also remember the Spirit of the Lord making it clear to me at multiple times during that process that He was buying me time. I needed to wait so that the right thing could happen for me and for the people I would meet on my mission. Leaving when I wanted to just wasn't right. I am so glad I stuck it out and that I trusted that God knew the right time for me. While it didn't make sense to me at the time, I needed that time to learn and grow to become the woman God needed me to be in order to be a missionary. When I got to Los Angeles, I had the exact right experiences at the exact right time that I needed to have them. There are even experiences I had and people that I met that I desperately needed in my life that if I had left any sooner, I would have missed them entirely.
I faced a lot of health challenges that nearly prevented me from serving a mission. But as I contemplate this, I am reminded of a Bible story. This is John 9:1-3:
"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.
And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."
Jesus went on to heal this blind man. This miracle was a testament of His divinity. I was born different too, and the reason for that is so God could heal me and show the world a miracle, and also so that I as a missionary (and, by following the Spirit, for the rest of my life) could perform miracles in His name.
I guess that in short it was an overall miracle. The mission was a miracle. The message is a miracle. My ability to heal after adversity and thrive as a missionary was a miracle. Being in Los Angeles was a miracle. Being comfortable in my own skin was a miracle. Making friends that felt like family was a miracle. There's nothing about it that wasn't absolutely astonishing.
It felt perfect, and nothing in mortal life is. But when I was a teenager people used to call me perfect all the time, and it really bothered me. That probably greatly attributes to how hard I was on myself back in the day (and sometimes still, to be truthful). But I was praying last night and I was praying about how needful God is. I was praying about the grace of Jesus Christ and how it is Him that makes us whole. And it really hit me that He not only fills my every gap, but every perfect thing about me is Him shining through. When people see something good in me, I can feel good about that. When we see something good in anything, we are seeing Jesus shining through. Truly all things testify of Him. (Alma 30:44)
Enjoy!

Hello one and all!
I'm going to warn you right now, this will be a long-winded one. I've had a lot on my mind and have been going through about a thousand grief cycles every day. I don't want to lose a single moment of this precious final week, so it is all coming down here. This is my final statement before I conclude this incredible and life-changing journey. Stay with me.
LA LOVE:
This week was a miracle and I don't think enough of that will be featured in this letter if I don't say it straight, so I'm just saying it straight here. The week started very dry with very little teaching people, and it was pretty devastating. But I realized near the end of the week that I was not running on very much faith. So I prayed and begged Heavenly Father for miracles in finding and teaching. The weekend was incredible and full. The Lord always provides if we just let Him, and if we just accept what He has to offer. His plan is always a lot better than mine.
Something I"m going to really miss about LA, besides, like, everything, is the movie billboards everywhere. I know movie posters exist other places, but they're absolutely everywhere here, especially further north (there's not a ton of that going on in South Bay, but it's also significantly further from the industry than the valley and the city so that makes sense). I simply adore this place.
EVENTS OF THE WEEK:
We had a fantastic time going to the mission office so I could apply to be an MTC teacher! And it was Sister Allred's first time walking around the temple. Plus makeup shopping and a spa day with the sisters? Sounds like a great day to me!
I had the best birthday ever! It was on the day of district council, so I requested to have it in person so I could see my district family one more time before I go home and so I could throw a little birthday party for them. We ended up pretty late because the sisters' car's battery died, and it's a new hybrid, so we had to figure out how to jump it. (Fun fact: it takes six missionaries plus two senior missionaries over the phone to jump a RAV-4. If you need to know where the battery is, it was hidden in the very back of the car. We had to dissect the entire trunk of the car. Wild times.) But we did finally make it to district council and it was great. I didn't even get too emo, not even when we sang "God Be With YOu Till We Meet Again" for the closing song, so I thought I was gonna be able to keep it cool the entire time, but then we said a closing prayer and I just sat there and wept. As soon as the prayer ended I blasted off so fast so the elders couldn't see me cry haha. I got my homemade gluten-free ice cream cake out and we just hung out in the kitchen and had a little party. The sisters couldn't attend in person so we had another party at home with them later. Then Sister Wall and Sister Payne called us that night and played a ukulele hymns concert and it was the most beautiful thing ever. It was the best day ever--I am twenty-one, and I got to spend the day with my district family.
We had an English conversation class with Haruka! I love her so much. Sister Allred even got to share a little bit of our beliefs with her in her native language! It was fantastic.
We had a teach for understanding training about the creation of the world and the fall of Adam and Eve, which I loved because in my opinion those are extremely underrated principles, very important to the Plan of Salvation.
I had my final interview with President Cordon. It was lovely. He told me that I could tell people I had completed an honorable mission. He said I have faced a lot of emotional challenges but that I didn't quit. We talked about how to live an honorable life after the mission. He gave me advice for my MTC application. We are both very happy for me. Even though leaving the mission is sad, as the missionary Aaron said about his brother Ammon, "the Spirit of the Lord has called [me] another way." (Alma 22:1-4)
For the last Makeup with the Sisters, I designed a California Love look to celebrate my favorite place.
I had my last sacrament meeting with my dear missionaries. I remember putting my makeup on that morning hoping it would last through the day. It lasted a maximum of an hour, hahaha! Elder Mangum, who conducts our sacrament meetings, asked me for every song what my favorite opening/sacrament/closing hymn was. It was super heartbreaking. I again wept as we said the closing prayer, then blasted off to cry my makeup off in the bathroom. Then said goodbye to my friends. They have all been super supportive because listen up, we are the CLAM FAM.
We had the pleasure of watching this month's mission fireside! President Galorath, President Cordon's first counselor, shared the story of how he became converted to Jesus Christ and it was awesome.
I had my final congratulations call with my zone. Wow, I love them so much. We have some great missionaries here. I got to share some final words with my team. I told them there was nothing more important that they could be doing with their lives. I told them Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. I told them that there is no way I will be able to express how much I love them; that I pray for each and every one of them by name every night and I probably will for a long time; that in premortality Heavenly Father probably, when presenting who I would be serving a mission with, pulled back a curtain and revealed THEM and I was simply overjoyed that I got to serve with the best of the best. I told them they had so much to give and especially because they had the priesthood on their side. The sisters sang a special goodbye song for me. It was emo, but it was all true. What a good bunch I have here.
FRIENDS:
Craig has simply turned into a spiritual giant. His prayers are so faith-filled, he can identify the Spirit, and he knows that the gospel is true. He learned about fasting and he decided to participate in his first fast soon. He also wonderfully understands the doctrine of the Sabbath day as we discussed that this week. We also talked a lot about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and just how incredibly deep it [is]. He knows he will get baptized someday, it's just a matter of when. Keep our dear friend in your prayers. God is ready for him.
We had a great time reading scripture stories this week with Beverly. One of the things we read was about the Sabbath day and she described the Sabbath as a breeze blowing through your mind and heart to refresh you for the rest of the week. It was so amazing!
We met with Cathryn and she is so wonderful! We taught her about the Sabbath day and she told us about the care she puts into it to make it a special day for the Lord. We love her.
We talked about the concept of eternal families with Andre. He doesn't yet understand resurrection so it's hard for him to understand, but we are looking forward to him learning more about this. He gave me some advice before I go home to so that was so sweet.
We taught our new friend Christina pretty briefly about the Holy Ghost, but she loved it. She has a strong knowledge that we come from God!
Cindy joined us with John and Craig for a Sabbath worship experience. We read from Mormon 7 but ended up talking a lot about resurrection. Cindy loved knowing we can see our family and friends again after we die.
I have a lot I want to say to conclude my final letter home from the California Los Angeles Mission, because my heart is so full. I have shed a lot of tears this week and even this transfer, but it is all okay because that at least means I had something beautiful to cry about. I have wanted to be a missionary for a very long time. It has been more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I don't know what I was expecting from this experience, only that I am lucky that this is the experience my God chose to give me. It has brought me so much joy!
I want to say a few goodbyes to all the things and people that matter.
To my calling. There is nothing more special. Talking to Sister Allred the other day, I noted that it doesn't matter what I do in the rest of my life, I will never be more famous than we are now. NO matter where we go, we catch everyone's eye, and nearly everyone is happy to see us. I had someone tell me once that before we even started talking to her she saw us all the way down the street--we were glowing like angels. I have felt my smile light up wherever I am in a way I definitely didn't know how to do before. I have said words that I wasn't even thinking that were carried out of me by the Spirit of the Lord. I have learned so much about spiritual things and how to teach them, and I know I am teaching the truth. Today we were driving by our local park and saw what at first glance was a group of teenage boys playing sports together, but Sister Allred looked again because she noticed they were different; they had a special light. Upon second glance they were our elders. There is something very special about being a missionary. We are called by and given the power of God to do His work. It is an absolute honor.
To my city. I went to LA for the first time when I was fifteen and it was love at first sight. Three years later, one year before I reported to the mission, I found myself there again. I remember being in Hollywood and noting how alive I felt there, how when I was there I felt like I was where I was meant to be. I had no idea how true that was at the time. LA, you mean the world to me. You are holy ground. You are the soil in which I was planted and absolutely bloomed. I know exactly why you are called the City of Angels.
To the local members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thank you for loving us and taking care of us. I remember moments on my mission where I was so overwhelmed with love from you and for you that I didn't know what to do. Thank you for letting me be a part of your family. This is a home to me.
To the people I have taught. You have changed me. Your examples of repentance inspire me. I have watched your very countenances change as you have accepted Jesus Christ. I see how much He has blessed you as He has blessed me. Keep being faithful. I know I was your teacher, which was my greatest joy--I love teaching and I love the gospel, so what a wonderful combination--but I hope you understand how much you also taught me. Thank you.
To my fellow missionaries. I really wasn't expecting you to be my favorite part of my mission. You are my brothers and sisters. No one can be there for a missionary like a missionary can. It is such a wildly unique experience that no one else can even really know how. You have taught me so much and become my family.. There will never be a time in my life or in eternity when that will not be true. When I was set apart with this calling, I was blessed to have angels literally on my right and on my left. I know without a doubt that many of those angels were from heaven. But I also know they were you.
When I think of you I think of a favorite lyric from my favorite song from my favorite play, "Letter from the Refuge" from Newsies: "On the rooftop you said that a family looks out for each other, so you tell all the fellas for me to protect one another." I know I was the mom friend, and I will do what I can from 200+ miles away, but please take care of each other. Companions, districts, zones, and missions are some of God's greatest gifts to us. Be there for each other.
I am also reminded of a scripture about one of my favorite missionaries, Alma, and his missionary friends, in Alma 17:1-2:
"And now it came to pass that as Alma was journeying from the land of Gideon southward, away to the land of Manti, behold, to his astonishment, he met with the sons of Mosiah journeying towards the land of Zarahemla.
Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God."
I anxiously await that day.
To my God. This is no goodbye because You're always with me. I love You so much. You're the reason for every good thing in my life. On to the next adventure!
And to everyone everywhere, I must share an invitation in scripture more eloquent and accurate than anything I could ever say, Moroni 10:32:
"Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God."
I know this is true. I know that God and goodness have no stopping point, no limit, no expiration date. I am overjoyed to be His. I have done what He asked me to do, and I am happy. I know Jesus Christ lives and He lives for us all.
Thanks and much love!
--Sister Day

Adventures in the CLAM: "A Band of Angels Coming After Me" (August 17, 2020-August 23, 2020)

Hello everyone!
In this letter I write about a friend named Nick. Sister Allred and I were teaching him, but we passed him off to the YSA missionaries because we thought it would be better for him. I went home about two weeks after that, so I didn't get to be much a part of Nick's progression in the gospel after that. I did, however, about a month later get to attend his baptismal service over Zoom. Nick is doing great and he loves the gospel of Jesus Christ. I guess I wanted to share that because I think that we don't always see the end of the story, for a lot of things in life. As missionaries, friends, family, teachers, mentors, all sorts of things, we don't see how people progress in their faith journeys sometimes, even people that really mean a lot to us. In many aspects of life, when we try our best to make a difference but don't always get to see the big picture. I wanted to remind you that little miracles are happening all the time, and you're a part of them. My favorite scripture from the Book of Mormon is Alma 376-7. I'd loved the first of the two verses since I first discovered it as a child, but the pair of verses together took on a new meaning when I became a missionary:
"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls."
The context of these verses is a father (and prophet) speaking to his son about the plates that the scriptures are written on, how he needs to maintain them and have them retain their brightness. While it might have seemed like a simple thing, it was still extremely important. I know that firsthand, because since those plates were maintained now we have the Book of Mormon. It was simple, but that didn't mean it wasn't great.
As our dear friend Cinderella once said, "Have faith in your dreams, and someday your rainbow will come smiling through."
Enjoy!

 

Hello one and all!
LA LOVE:
I feel that most of you don't know this about me, but angels are a very important part of my life. In almost every priesthood blessing I get angels are mentioned, promising that they will be with me if I just ask for them. When I was set apart as a missionary, I was blessed to have angels literally on my right and on my left. There have been many times on my mission when they have been with me, but this week was very special. Sister Allred and I walked into our apartment and Sister Nault asked (they practically live with us at this point because our apartment has the wifi), "Does anything weird ever happen here?" We said no. :She said, "Something's definitely here." That made us nervous, but then she said it was something good. She heard voices whispering, saying, "Jesus, we love Him!" She did some investigating and just felt the most beautiful feeling. Sister Allred said, "Oh, it's Sister Day's angels." I've heard them since then and so has Sister Allred. So yeah, we have angels living in our apartment! I feel so blessed by the Lord. He really does fulfill His promises!
Another Congratulations Call tradition is Elder Mangum singing "Hallelujah" as a special musical number and leading the team in song. It is pretty much the best.
EVENTS OF THE WEEK:
For p-day we had an awesome day of makeup shopping, picking up a new RAV-4 for Sister Nault and Sister Goodrich, and doing a spa day with all of our sisters!
We had the best zone conference ever this week. Pretty emo when I realized it was my last one, but such a bop. I feel like a common theme of zone conference was needfulness, which was awesome because I LOVE the concept of needfulness. As a missionary there are a lot of ways we can study, teach, and find, but we need to make sure we are doing the most IMPORTANT things and doing those things the BEST we can. It is not enough to just study, we need to study things that will help us invite others to come unto Christ! It is not enough to just teach, we need to teach in a way that will really help our friends understand the doctrines of the gospel and prepare to make covenants! It is not enough to just find, we need to find in a way that is effective and strengthens our area! "There's a right way in everything you do." We also talked about the importance of doing service so we are going to be focusing a lot on that as a mission! I am so grateful that I had the great opportunity to learn how to help y area for my remaining time here.
We had a great district council this week about improving the way we extend commitments (again it's not just about doing it but about doing it the best we can) and do Sabbath worship experiences!
We had a great Bible storytime this week where we learned about prayer!
It was Rohan's last mission prep class this week. Pretty emo. He reports the day I go home. He is so prepared and we are so happy for him to get to serve his mission. We love him so much!
The Redondo 1st ward hosted an event about being with our families forever! All the people who participated shared the most beautiful testimonies of the reality of eternal families. And I had the privilege of singing a song for the event too!
We had a great snow queen theme for Makeup with the Sisters this week!
FRIENDS:
This week with Tomm was pretty crazy. We had a lesson with Elder Mangum and Elder Creighton about the Holy Ghost but it didn't end as we expected. He is definitely facing a trial of faith, but we think as we follow the spirit this crisis will be the answer to prayers to grow his faith. We felt like we should start memorizing scriptures with him and that this will be an important part of his spiritual progression!
We love Beverly so much. We got to share Helaman 5:12 with her and she loved it! She knows Jesus is the foundation that we must stand on.
We taught Khiara and Sophia about the laws of tithing and fasting this week. She is so amazing! She really understands the concept of sacrificing for the Lord.
We went with Elder Mangum and Elder Creighton to give Nick a priesthood blessing. He loved it so much! We taught him together about the gift of the Holy Ghost and he has recognized moments of feeling the Spirit in his life. We also taught him about baptism and he says that he would like to work towards baptism! It was so amazing and exciting. We taught him about the sacrament so he could be prepared to go to the YSA ward which he loved. We are no longer Nick's missionaries but we are so happy for him. We know that YSA is what he needs and he is already doing so well there!
We made a new friend Cindy! She is John's friend and so awesome. She said he gave her a Book of Mormon but it was super strange because he treated it like a treasure. So we explained why that was! She is so awesome and we already love her so much. We are looking forward to reading the scriptures more with her!
We had the pleasure of teaching Lupe about the divine mission of Jesus Christ this week! We taught about how the scriptures can help us with that and we are looking forward to doing more scripture studies with her!
We had a great lesson this week with Craig where we talked about the different reasons people fear commitment. He has so much faith. I wept as he prayed for me to have a beautiful life after my mission. We also talked about premortality and how we already promised to follow Jesus back then--now we just need to follow through. Craig said it's time to snap into shape!
Cathryn is doing so good! We talked about repentance in the context of godly sorrow. She didn't know what that was before so she loved learning something new! We talked about how it applied to her life and how now that she knows about it it can give her so much more power.
I just want to close by talking about the concept of agency. This is a beautiful gift. When you break down the word and really think about it, you realize the root of the word is "agent", something capable of producing a certain effect. Agency is the gift to choose from God. Imagine: God could be a controlling God, but He never would. He loves us more than that; He knows how important it is to choose. Agency is the ability to choose, while accepting the consequence. When we follow God and do good, we receive positive consequences. When we go against God and do evil, we receive negative consequences. God never forces us to do anything. He just tells us what to do and what the consequences will be, whether we choose to accept or reject His ways, and He lets us choose our own fate. God doesn't really punish us. He tells us the options, and we choose our own end result. My dear friends, I implore of you to choose God's way. His delight is to see you happy. It is mine as well. And I can testify that God's way is THE way! This is the way, and there is no other way. (2 Nephi 31:21) Come join in on the happiness!
Thanks and much love!
--Sister Day