Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Disney Princess Series: Tiana

Hello all.
Between now and Thursday, not a lot has happened. We had a pretty chill weekend. I worked a lot of extra hours. IT SNOWED and is a lot more beautiful and happy than I expected it to be. I finished Friends for the second time and started it for the third time. I got to hear from Quentin L. Cook as he was speaking at SUU to the young adults in the area. My favorite thing that happened is that I got to start the process to serve a mission! I had my first appointment with my bishop and have another on the day I publish this. All very exciting, but not a lot.
With my new excitement to serve a mission and new appreciation for missionaries, I think I realize now more than ever how much the missionaries need to hear from you. They need love and encouragement and strength so please write them! If you have a missionary friend start sending them an email once a week; it doesn't have to be long. They will appreciate all your stories and love, and they will appreciate it from anyone! Go for it even if you guys barely talk. I once emailed a friend I hadn't talked to since eighth grade and it was totally cool. They will love it! And you will in turn love the words you get back from them. You will feel the peace of the Spirit.
Today's Princess post should be short and to the point as well because I have never actually seen this film.
Because while I DO NOT MESS WITH VOODOO IN ANY WAY (and that includes in a DISNEY ANIMATED FILM) I absolutely love Tiana. And while I can't give you very specific plot points as support, I will hype her up all day.
Why? She's so hard-working. She's so passionate.
From what I know about Tiana, she has so much love in her heart for the people around her, and she's very helpful and kind and very friendly, but she also is very assertive and stands up for herself. I love having Tiana as an example of how those two things can coexist. Kindness and love does not mean people get to simply walk all over you.
I love Tiana for her ambition. Her biggest dream is to open the restaurant, and nothing gets in the way of her working toward that vision. She's not willing to stop for anything, or to slow down. Tiana is a person who is focused on her goals and won't let anything shake her. That is my favorite kind of person. She's not a quitter.
I wish I had more words; I wish I had more things to say for how great of a Princess Tiana is. But I honestly do think Tiana's beauty can be simply put in those two points, because she does value love and hard work more than anything else, and she really shows that. She has a lot of integrity.
She's honestly a beyond perfect role model and I'm so glad we have her. As the first Princess of the post-renaissance, I feel like many people were skeptical of Tiana, and Tiana exceeded expectations; she more than delivered. As she always does.
I will do my best to do so as well.
Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Unexpected Thoughts of Hope

Hi guys!
The most recent major event was that I got to sing in NATS regionals in Salt Lake City at the University of Utah! (Wow that is a BEAUTIFUL campus.) I sang classical and Emily sang both classical and musical theatre and while neither of us moved on in the competition Emily did great and so did I! Other highlights include spending time with Josh's family and stopping by East High once again. Go Wildcats.
It was a long and tiring weekend, but we had a restful day on MLK Day and now are back in school ready to go. Today I gave a speech on Bonnie and Clyde, which as many of you know I am practically a professional at doing so I SLAYED it. I feel so privileged to be in school right now and for the three years following the mission.
I LOVE getting to hear from my friends in the field. Reading about their missionary adventures and how much they love the Lord and get strength from Him is my favorite. My ward's missionaries also came and visited me this week and it made me SO HAPPY especially considering I was feeling pretty down that day, and I am loving my mission prep class and we're only two weeks in.
Speaking of missionaries, I have the BIGGEST news, guys! I finally have an appointment with my bishop to start talking about my mission papers! I will be meeting with him at 5:30 on Sunday.  This is finally happening! It's quite honestly crazy to think that this is really happening now, but I am so ready to start this part of my life! Be praying for me!
Alright guys, we all know I overwrite so who knows if this is really going to happen. But I'm planning on this piece being short and sweet. I wasn't really planning on it, and I don't have much to say, but a post regarding my personal struggles/thoughts/life was requested, so I'm delivering!
I wasn't planning on writing what I'm about to say. This post was originally a quite dreary post about inaction.
It was something I had been contemplating lately, because of MLK Day, and all the lovely quotes I was seeing regarding the person who does nothing being even more bad than the person doing something bad, because the person doing nothing could be fighting bad with good if they only spoke up for what they really believe in. It's a beautifully true thing, but it really bothers me, because I can't place when it happened because I don't think it was always this way, but I am so terribly afraid of being seen. I'm afraid of being wrong, so I'm afraid of speaking up and risking that. I'm afraid of messing up and actually making something worse. And sometimes I don't even know what I think, so I choose silence because I don't want to say something I don't actually believe. But silence is so terrible, when it comes for fighting for what's right and true and good. I don't want to live my life not saying anything ever, but I want to be sure of what I'm doing when I do it, and the fact that I'm afraid of being seen doesn't help at all.
So due to all of those things, sometimes I feel like I'm sitting still and doing nothing. How tragic is that? That's what I was going to talk about. I was going to try to make it a little hopeful at the end, but how?
It was on Tuesday night that I had these new hopeful thoughts, when the missionaries came, and then when I went to mission prep. I guess it all comes down to confronting my other fear... which is really the fear of fear.
I'm terrified of fear; I don't like the feeling, and I'm afraid of it making me lose, it being able to get to me in some way. Being scared of fear can stop me from speaking up because I'm afraid of my fear of being seen. It can stop me from taking a risk and learning because I'm afraid of being wrong.  The fear of fear is the real thing holding me back. I remember one time I was talking to Morgan, I don't even remember when or what we were talking about, but I told her that I never wanted anyone to feel afraid. She responded that it's okay for people to feel afraid as long as they step up and do the thing anyway. That's always been hard for me to grasp because of how much I hate fear and am always trying to solve problems that I can't fix. But the fears are not the real problems. The fear of fear is the real problem.
Who knows what got me to start feeling hopeful and thinking differently starting Tuesday night, really. I think it was definitely comfort from the Spirit of God, and learning about how to do His work, but I also got thinking about the idea that I am literally getting ready to dedicate a year and a half of my life to tell people about what I believe and serving the children of God. And it's not that it doesn't scare me. It's that I have such a need and desire to do it that no fear is even possible of getting in the way. Turning back crosses my mind all the time, but never seriously. Not as something I would actually do, but more as a concept. Like, I get scared, imagine backing out, and know that it is in no way realistic. It really isn't even an option for me at this point anymore. It is so much a part of my plan.
So it was comforting to realize I am speaking, I am saying what I need to say and what I think know other people need to hear. I'm trying to dedicate my whole life to that, really. I just really want to write. The mission really scares me, publishing a book really scares me, but the love I have for doing those two things makes me practically incapable of listening to those fears. It's an encouraging thought.
Today, family, friends, followers, and fans, I hope you remember that there is hope for you, no matter what you are afraid of and what seems to be standing in your way. If it hasn't already, eventually something so great will come along that you will be incapable of not being great, of not living your best life, of not saying what you need to say and standing up for the good. And as those opportunities come, while you're scared, you will realize just how capable you are and just what you can do. And that will give you hope for the future as well. If you can do it once, you can do it again, and while it may scare you every time you will be better at facing the fear.
I don't think the upcoming mission will take away my fear of being heard or being seen. I don't think anything ever will. But I do think that it will help me once again get used to facing my fear of fear, and being able to do the things I'm scared of, and I think it will help me get better at doing what scares me even though being scared may never go away.
The future is so bright. Don't be afraid of letting yourself see that.
Or rather, don't hold yourself back from being hopeful just because you're afraid of doing it.
Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Disney Princess Series: Mulan

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
I finished out last week sitting in on Basic's rehearsals for Little Shop of Horrors! They did a lot of choreography, a lot of singing, and I even got to see a rough run of the show! Highlights include getting to play the piano for them for a bit to help them rehearse, and running lines with Morgan. (And sharing my character ideas with her, because she can actually use them while I can only think about them. She is a fantastic Audrey.) It was excellent to get to see all of my people again. The show is going to be incredible! Go see them at Basic Academy at 6:00 on February 7, 8, and 9.
I was going to be coming back to Basic as a part of the panel of graduates to talk to the current seniors, but I have a singing competition this weekend. Sorry, guys.
Other than that, I'm back in Cedar City! It's a new semester! I'm still taking Jumpstart, and the only thing that has changed there is that I'm taking a new English class, intermediate writing this time. Other than that, I'm still taking voice lessons, I take contemporary math now, and later in the semester I will be taking the first EDGE class. I'll probably talk more about that when it actually happens. It seems that it will be a good semester... as long as I don't think too far into the future and overwhelm myself. On Monday we (the Dead-End Jobs Club, Emily and Josh and I) already watched Friends and ate brownies and it was only the first day. But it's nothing we can't do.
(Oh, and we started going back to the gym! Bless!)
At the institute I am taking a missionary preparation class! It seems like it's going to be really good and talk a lot about things that I haven't thought a lot about but definitely will want to know.
I'm currently trying to make an appointment with my bishop so I can start talking about my mission papers. I haven't been able to make that happen yet, but I'm going to try again soon. Can you guys believe this is actually real now? We've been talking about it as a definite thing for two years, and as a hypothetical thing for five years. This is really happening now.
If you guys will recall the post introducing the Disney Princess Series, Mulan was mentioned a number of times. I was really bothered by the fact that Mulan was viewed as the only option for what a strong princess could be. But guys, I love Mulan. Like, a lot. This post is her time to shine! We are constantly in awe of this heroine. It's not a big deal, but she SAVES CHINA.
Before she does that, though, she's just a normal girl in China. She's getting all dolled up to see the matchmaker. As far as relatability goes, Mulan doesn't feel out of reach. She's late, having a hard time remembering what she's supposed to have memorized, and apparently a slightly inelegant disaster. This will matter later. (Like when she SAVES CHINA.)
Well, it doesn't go well. Everything that could possibly go wrong does go wrong, and our princess is told she "will NEVER bring her family honor!" While I get the impression that everything Mulan had to do to please the matchmaker was forced on her, I don't think the idea of family honor was. Mulan loves her family. The love Mulan has in her heart is why we love her so much, really, because it's what drives her to do absolutely everything. The fact that she couldn't be enough for them destroyed her. She forgets that they love her for who she is, even if that's not who everyone else expects her to be. She's a different kind of beautiful than everyone else, and she fights through the judgment of others by trying to be true to herself.
And we totally get why Mulan loves her family. She has a caring mother, a wise father, and Grandma Fa is the crazy comedic Disney grandmother of our dreams. Mulan was raised with love in her heart which led her to bravery beyond words.
Things start to get even worse when they find out her father will be going to war again. There's no other men in the family to take his place. Mulan is pretty concerned about this, but the family insists that it's going to be fine, and that it will bring the family honor. She tries to let it go, but when she sees how unfit her father is for battle, she knows things really will not be okay.
Honestly, I'm blown away by how brave Mulan is. While watching her leave, you can see how afraid she is, but totally determined. Her love for her father doesn't even leave her with an option in her eyes. This is how Mulan TRULY brings her family honor. She doesn't even know it yet, but what she is best at is doing what is absolutely right rather than what people necessarily think is the best. Mulan is going to show everyone that this idea of honor doesn't have to look the same every time. So she GOES. And this could potentially be giving up everything for this, but it's worth it to her. So she goes.
(Mulan's awkwardness when trying to be a boy is so relatable somehow. I've never been in that situation but I just know that is how I would be.)
After Mulan gets to training with the guys, two things happen. The first is that it is made clear that this is going to be terrifying and near impossible for her. The second is that everyone's absolute JAM and ultimate motivational song is introduced. As the song goes on, Mulan and the guys train for the army, and things are going about as well as they did with the matchmaker. She's even SENT HOME. If that doesn't break your heart, nothing will.
But Mulan is the queen of determination. You will recall at the beginning of this powerful number that Shang, our military captain, orders everyone to try to retrieve an arrow atop a tall stake. No one is successful. As Mulan leaves, she tries one more time.
You can see the difficulty and pain in her face. But Mulan is not a quitter. She can't give up everything she was trying to do for her family that fast. She succeeds where none of the other men did. It mattered that much to her, and it probably didn't mean as much to anyone else. What a hero!
It's pretty safe to say that Mulan is good to stay in the army after that.
I can't imagine how strong Mulan had to have been in her time there. She doesn't seem super comfortable relating to the other guys. Maybe that's just because she's trying to be one, but I myself am like that too, so who knows. She intelligently kept her secret safe and became a valued part of the team, and a good friend to all of them.
In one fateful battle against the Huns, Mulan uses her wit to help win the battle. However, she is badly hurt, and her secret is revealed. This would typically cost her her life, but due to the friendship they developed, Shang spares her. Mulan is left heartbroken as she is removed from the army.
HOWEVER, Mulan finds out about Shan Yu's plans to attack the Imperial City, where the emperor is and where the army is headed. Does Mulan let her sorrow and her release from the army stop her? NO WAY! When something matters to her and there is work to do, our girl Mulan DOES it.
She goes to the city to warn Shang, but he won't listen to her, a person he used to trust so much. He wouldn't listen, even though it was the same mind that was behind everything else that "Ping" accomplished. Mulan drops some serious truth that resonates with the feminist in all of us: "You trusted Ping. Why is Mulan any different?"
Preach, girl.
And that wasn't to say that men and women AREN'T different, but rather to say that Mulan hasn't lost her value suddenly now that everyone knows she's not a man. It was ALWAYS Mulan, and the value was ALWAYS there.
Well, since Shang didn't listen to Mulan, the Huns take over the palace and have seized the emperor! Mulan is back on the team, because they desperately need her thinking skills. Mulan had an ability to plan.
I can't get over it. This girl is so BRAVE. She and her friends sneak their way into the palace and start taking things back over. Mulan makes her way to the roof, this girl who just got kicked out of the army, who wasn't even supposed to be there and risked everything, and started SINGLE-HANDEDLY fighting Shan Yu. To SAVE CHINA.
Ultimately, she knows that love is stronger than fear. The things that were important to her were too important to let fear take over. She had a job to do and she did it.
Shan Yu is defeated, thanks to our heroine who almost wasn't allowed to fight. Sometimes you just have to do what's right.
And then, the entirety of the Imperial City bows to her.
Mulan, our ordinary girl who could never seem to measure up, just wasn't being tested in the right places. She had intelligence and determination, but no one was looking close enough at what she had to offer. She went through all of those hard times, often feeling desperately alone, but kept on, and in the end is recognized by the emperor and all of the people of China.
Just watching Mulan react to the people's gratitude is beautiful. She can't believe this is happening to her. She is so ordinary and was just trying to do her job. She never thought it would end like this.
Anyway, Mulan is offered a position in the government, and goes home to live a happy life with her family, plus a nice visit from Shang. Living the dream.
Now that we have highlighted all of Mulan's beauty throughout her story, let's go back to the beginning where she appeared to not be anything extraordinary. She really was just a normal person.
That normal person? Is the same one who SAVES CHINA.
Mulan is here to show us that you can be who you are, whoever you are, as ordinary as you may be, and still find a way to make an enormous difference in the world. There is a place for you.
Keep that in mind. I will too.
Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Single Teenage Girl Writer and That One Guy

Hello all! Sorry for missing a post last week. Here's what's been going down.
We had a good Christmas with the WHOLE family here and did some Christmassy wintery stuff. It was fantastic. I've honestly seen more movies in the past week than I've probably seen in my entire life. (That's a major hyperbole, but for those of you that don't know I don't particularly like movies; I can never focus on them, and going to see movies in theaters makes me extremely anxious most of the time.) But they were all fantastic; The Man Who Invented Christmas (I mean, I can't just NOT enjoy a movie about Charles Dickens), The Last Jedi (I'm in love with Star Wars I'm in love with Star Wars I'm in love with Star Wars), and The Greatest Showman. (That one was more good than fantastic, but it was still a really good time, would watch again, the soundtrack is jammin', and it helped me heal my damaged relationship with Zac Efron. Also, who knew Hugh Jackman could dance that well?) And hey, before that I saw Wonder with Morgan and her mom and I was shocked at how much I liked that movie even though I was super anxious that night.
We've spent a lot of time chilling out. Like, a lot. I, a person who also doesn't watch a lot of TV, have also been reminded of the beauty of quality television. (The Friends truly are always there for me and Psych is the ultimate television program. Disney Channel throwbacks were enjoyed, but the Camp Rock films while comforting are noticeably less high-quality than the High School Musical films. It's beyond noticeable that they are not Kenny Ortega films.)
Oh yeah, and I got a biopsy. It was mildly stressful but now there's one more random thing in my life that I've done that I can overdramatize.
Anyway, here I am again relatively ill. However, I NEED to get better for tomorrow because I may go sit in on Basic's rehearsal for Little Shop of Horrors. Which I cannot do if I am ill. So PLEASE PRAY A LOT because I could jam out to Alan Menken by myself or I could jam out to Alan Menken with the most talented kids in the world.
It's a new year, new face, new makeup, new focus on writing and my life and happiness. I have been letting a lot of things get to me too much. When I get back to school, I'm reading more, writing more, working more, going on walks to my favorite places or just around, I'm making myself busy because when I'm not constantly going I'm losing my mind, and my current schedule is not making me as busy as I typically like to be, so I have to do it myself. Think of all the progress that can be made!
Anyway, today I am going to speak my TRUTH. My vulnerable single teenage girl truth. I, being a mature eighteen years old, am very wise. And I genuinely believe there are not enough people looking out for teenagers. Do adults just forget what it's like or something? Why do people treat children like they're not people? They're still people, just young underdeveloped people. They still have problems. Don't tell a teenager--scratch that, don't tell a person--that they don't have real problems. There's no such thing as a fake problem. If something is bothering you, that's a problem. No matter what it is. No one is looking out for the teenagers. No one is listening to the teenagers. No one is speaking to them. Teenagers need LOVE like any other human. They need to feel HEARD. If only there was someone writing for the teenagers. Like, speaking their truth for them or something. I wonder who could do that.
To get more specific about the teenage wisdom I want to share today, I was born a writer and a storyteller. I used to narrate life when I was super young, I would make up stories verbally or on paper, and I have been journaling since the beginning of time. Journaling is very therapeutic in that it is a way to think out loud privately; physically feeling and writing out your thoughts does it in a way nothing else can. It's also an excellent writing exercise, because if you write about your life, you don't have to worry about developing plot. The plot is already there. You can't get it wrong. All you have to do is find the most accurate and beautiful way to tell it, and I really like the opportunity to write a personal narrative and try to tell it to the best of my ability without an audience.
As a teenage girl who is very honest about herself and her feelings, I also know that just about every tragic story begins with, "So there was this guy."
Don't take that the wrong way, but most of my sad stories have to do with some guy I was tripping over, or someone else was tripping over, or a disaster of that sort. This is to the writer and journal-writer in your teenage girl heart. As a young girl first feeling an attraction for a boy, in middle school, people called me boy crazy, and I didn't really get it at the time because I am a WILDLY loyal person and I will stick with someone until they destroy me, and even a little bit after that sometimes. I've always defined "boy crazy" as just chasing after boys in general, and I was never really the type of person to jump from guy to guy. But now looking back on it, I know what they were talking about.
I would write about him a lot and think about him obsessively and I wish I could go back to preteen Lizzo and tell myself that he isn't everything.
I still have the journals from back then and his name and stories are in there way too much. I want to let you young teenage girls know some things.
Please do write about him, because he is a part of your life and there is no reason you should pretend your feelings don't exist.
But I even remember writing about having some problems with who he was, and write about them as if it was my job to fix those things about him.
If you have a problem with who a guy is, that you used to really care about, you are not obligated to like him still just because you liked him then.
I think that's a good reason why you should try to control how much you let him consume your thoughts anyway, because if it does get to that point it's almost like he's a part of you and you may be afraid of letting that go, because it would feel like letting go a part of yourself, and a part of yourself that you previously really liked.
But he is a PART of your narrative. He is not the narrative itself.
I'm not entirely certain what did it, but when I was thirteen I kind of came to my senses and thought, "What the heck am I doing?"
I dropped the guy. My friends became a really important part of my life, and I had really good friends that I started appreciating more, and it makes me so happy to think about those eighth grade friends because I have always had an unconscious appreciation for female relationships and I love having my closest friends be my fellow girls. I read more. I wrote more and developed a lot of stories, most of which didn't stick but it exercised that part of my mind. I LOVED being in choir. I started thinking about my future at Basic, and that year the mission age changed, so for the first time in my life that became a possibility for me.
I became a more diverse person once he was gone. I'm not saying he has to be gone for everyone. He had to be gone for me. But the well-balanced life is the ideal life. So many bad periods of my life were because I was too focused on one thing, and that one thing was almost always one guy. This is youth! Youth is the time to figure out your own personal self, to try things so you can find out who you really are. Why focus on one thing when this is your time to really live and figure out where you want the rest of your life to be.
When you write, write about him. But write about so much more.
I got better at taking up writing about school, family, friends, choir, color guard, EVERYTHING that was happening instead of ONE THING that was happening. I wrote about a guy if there was a guy, but I wrote about everything else. I told my full story instead of just one part of it. I frequently even just write my random opinions and thoughts on things. Life is so much better when it is well-balanced. That has never not been true. Tell your story the way it is really happening.
Write about the way things feel. Write about the way it feels to run laps with the color guard, how it felt in your lungs and your legs and your heart and your smile. Write about the exact way you started  and continued crying when your friends broke your heart. Write about the way the air feels on the choir's yearly trip to California. Write about the way your heart hurts when the sun hits the grass in a specific way in the morning and it feels exactly like the morning of a band competition, a moment you will never be able to go back to. Write about what made you cry in the shower. Write about what made you smile when you were just sitting at home with your family. Write about the moment you decided to take the risk. The moment you knew exactly what you needed to do about a given situation. And heck, write about how it felt when your eyes locked with his and you were just sitting at a piano smiling like an idiot because you were all caught up in your feelings for a second.
Life is so interesting. Bask in all of it.
The moral of my story today is that he isn't everything and I wish my poor younger self knew that. When I let myself live outside of a box, I really live.
Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo