Disney Princess Series: Pocahontas

Helloooooooooo.
I mean, I wanted to write a post once a week, and I guess I have time to do that, but even still I wasn't planning on really doing this today, but I'm in a super writer mood right now and I need to write SOMETHING. Which has been hard lately because, as many of you already know, I finished Story 2's second draft, so it is on hold until after the mission, and finished Story 1's FINAL draft, so it is on hold until I get started actually working toward publication. Yay for middle grade literature!
I haven't been doing much the past week because I have been pretty sick the past few days. I have gotten to see the choir sing quite a few times and do stuff with my mom and see Jacob's dance show and go out with Morgan and stuff like that. Plus Emily and Josh just came into town for Christmas so we're super hyped! I went in to see the chamber singers (but in all actuality I came because my Alto Illuminati sister Alex was going to be there) yesterday and then Morgan said she was going to try on Little Shop of Horrors costumes (Just in case I haven't bragged about this to you guys yet, she's playing Audrey) so I was like "CAN I COME" and so I got to do that with her and talk to her and Mr. Calkins about the show and Morgan's costumes for 5ever, and I got to help Morgan sing a little bit (Bless her and her patient soul) and talk to her and after that I was on a character high so I tried writing some verse or whatever but nothing was coming out so here I am, writing a blog post I probably don't even feel good enough for but I need to express some sort of creativity somewhere. AH.
(To be so honest sorry if my writing isn't even coherent right now. We're gonna blame it on the illness, whether or not that's actually what it is.)
Okay, so today we're adding another installment to the Disney Princess Series. And this is honestly immensely fitting, because in history this semester we were learning about Pocahontas, and a lot of it was kind of based on a comparison to the Disney film, and how inaccurate that movie is. Which made me irrationally angry.
And I guess what they were saying was legitimate, because a lot of them didn't know the true story of Pocahontas. But even still, I was getting a little tired of the Disney hate.
When I watch Pocahontas, I'm not doing it to get a history lesson. I'm doing it because I love Disney and Alan Menken and Disney Princess. If you've graduated high school and you don't know the true story of Pocahontas, I'm not blaming you, but I do think your history teachers were pretty bad. They don't have to explain the entire story to you, but they should probably say, "Yeah, so if you've seen the Disney movie, none of that was real. They weren't in love and she didn't save him, she actually ends up living with the colonists and moving to London and it's a lot more complicated than all of that." I know that people probably have more of a problem with this because it's a thing that really happened, as opposed to all the other fairy tales they've modified, but I'm still okay with watching a Disney film just to enjoy a Disney film, whether it's based on true events or not.
That's what you need to keep in mind when you read the following. We're aware that we're not talking about real events; we are talking about the fictional character Pocahontas and not the real person.
I first saw Pocahontas either senior year or junior year, I can't remember which. It was honestly a shame that I hadn't seen it, because I'm really big Disney fan and almost a bigger Alan Menken fan and I absolutely love the Disney Princesses, but I hadn't seen that film, and I knew that was a necessity. My mom had told me that she was super disappointed when it came out because it was like they didn't even try, and I know what she's talking about. The animation is pretty low-quality, and not because it's older. Beauty and the Beast came out in 1991 and is an animation masterpiece. Pocahontas came out four years later and is way worse. Definitely not up to Disney's standard at the time. But I still liked it. I think (even for being low-quality) it was a pretty movie and I think Pocahontas is an even prettier character.
That was the initial main reason I liked the film. I think Pocahontas is beautiful.
Maybe because according to the blessed personality blog post by Oh My Disney, Pocahontas is identified as INFJ, which is the personality of your favorite stereotypical teen blogger. She is quiet yet bold and totally wise. In my own opinion, this is the best kind of person to be. I've found it's important not to talk unless you have something to say, because if you just talk to talk, people stop listening really fast, so when something actually is important no one is listening. Pocahontas is smart.
I was honestly in love with Pocahontas within the first few minutes of seeing her because she is so fun. Her ability to be so carefree due to her connection with the world and nature is the most admirable thing to me. Maybe it's because I've never been able to be that relaxed a day in my life, but Pocahontas is genuinely here for a good time. She's not here for uptight guys like Kocoum. (They actually spell movie Kocoum's name different from real Kocoom, which is pretty weird.)  But because she has love for her family and the people she still feels pressured into marrying him.
The answer to all your problems is following your heart, sis!
After that conflict is established, we meet the mediocre John Smith. However, Pocahontas is down to listen to him even though the other Natives are not. This is a plus to Pocahontas's quiet nature; she is willing to listen to others. She's so thoughtful and kind! However, she quickly realizes that John is not as quick to listen as she is. And she tells. Him. Off.
In a pretty kind way, but also super straightforward. Hold on, we gotta quote this directly. How utterly powerful are these lyrics?
"You think I'm an ignorant savage
And you've been so many places I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see if the savage one is me.
How can there be so much that you don't know?
You don't know."
Thank you for the wise words, Stephen Schwartz.
As Lisa Cimorelli would put it, Pocahontas hits him over the head with the frying pan of truth. She says that she understands what he's saying, but he won't take any time to realize that she's not the only one that needs to be educated. She willingly learns about his version of the world but he will not learn about hers. Truth and honesty is such a powerful thing, people! I can't say it enough.
And once she tells him this, John is suddenly willing to listen, and thanks to the honesty of Pocahontas he is able to see the beauty in her world.
Between this point and the end, there is a lot of falling in love and a lot of angst between the English and the Natives. What we're going to care about now is Pocahontas's boldness and her ability to stay true to herself, shown in three different examples.
The first example is when Kocoum catches Pocahontas and John totally making out and he gets super mad, right? That one random English guy, Thomas, sees Kocoum and John fighting and so he shoots Kocoum. And KILLS HIM.
Which, even after everything, makes Pocahontas totally mad. It's not that she wants to marry Kocoum, it's that she still cared about his well-being and hates violence and is, I don't know, a good person.
Fun fact: Morgan hates Romeo and Juliet. (Which is something I simply can't get behind, but that's okay.) One of the many reasons she hates it is how quickly she thinks Juliet gets over the fact that Romeo killed her cousin, Tybalt. Pocahontas doesn't do that. Kocoum is one of her people, and his death isn't just fine. She's pretty upset for a minute. She's not throwing that away for anyone.
The second example occurs as things start to go downhill from there super fast. The English and the Natives are both super mad at each other and about to viciously attack one another, including the Natives preparing to kill John. But our dear friend Pocahontas runs to the rescue and throws herself over John and doesn't let him die. She saves the day! She's the example of peace.
Imagine that. Imagine standing up for your enemy in front of all of your people. Imagine doing so against your father. Imagine potentially risking your life for someone you care about. How brave and awesome is Pocahontas?
The third example is after everything neatly wraps itself up. In short, John Smith and the other English people are going back to England. Pocahontas has a choice.
But honestly, was it ever really a choice?
Because yeah, Pocahontas loved John Smith enough to teach him what she knew and be his friend and save him from a violent death.
But she loved where she lived and who she lived with way more.
Her life pretty drastically changed in a short period of time, but something good that happened to her wasn't enough for her to let go of everything beautiful she already had. She doesn't go with him. She loves where she is. I don't know, I just find it so powerful that she doesn't go. And it was probably a little tragic, but leaving her home would've been disastrously painful. She stays where she wants to be.
Pocahontas always does what she wants. She follows her heart.
As should you.
Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo

"It's Quiet Uptown": A Hamilfanfic

Okay guys let's talk for a lil bit before we get started.
I've been wanting to do some sort of blog content, whether it be an actual post or a video, every week, so this post would have originally been scheduled for Thanksgiving week. However, you guys would be getting enough general content that week because I was at home and doing stuff with family and friends that week, so I decided against that. Then after that I only had two weeks of school left, and I figured it was better to just let myself sprint to the finish and get all of that done. Finishing school has been CRAZY. But hey, I got it all done, plus I got to work a lot, so that's good too.
While we're still kind of talking about school, a miracle happened.
This semester my English class is intro to academic writing, and it's been killing me. I won't lie, it scares me pretty freaking badly sometimes when I think about how one of my least favorite classes is my major. But I also think that makes a lot of sense, because I still love English and I can't see myself studying anything else, but it's also really discouraging to get to your new school and realize you know nothing about the thing that you were finally able to make yourself known for. (For all the family and high school friends still supporting the dream--YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.)
Anyway, I've had to write three papers for that class and it's been rough going. The first was a sort of persuasive essay, the second a personal narrative, the third a group project rhetorical analysis. How my future looked and how I felt about it was pretty much weighing on that second paper, considering my desire to sell narratives to the public. On the first paper I got an 85. My professor then graded the third one next and me and my group got a 70. See? It definitely hasn't been easy. On Friday I got the grade for the second paper, the one that mattered the most for me. I couldn't even make myself look at it until Monday.
Guys. I got an A-.
Can you believe this?! I really might have a chance. Seeing that grade was yet another moment in my life where nothing felt impossible.
Guys. I am capable of writing narratives.
An A-. Oh my gosh.
I'm still stuck on it. I don't even know how to quite express to you guys how exciting that is for me. I am so happy, and it's looking like not all hope is lost for me.
My favorite thing is writing the missionaries and hearing from them. I've also officially come to the point where I can start my papers in a month. Lance (choir fam) and Mr. Calkins have already placed predictions of where I will labor. Prayers would be appreciated.
Why is it now that the time has come that people are telling me how hard a mission is, that there's no way to truly know what will happen? Guys. I know. I know because I try imagining what it will be like and I feel my body try to go there and it feels that it is so close to being there but still can't yet grasp it as a reality because I don't know what that reality is like. I know because I imagine life after the mission but I know that those scenarios are in no way accurate because I don't even know who I'll be after the mission. I know that nothing that I'm studying right now can prepare me entirely for what I will face out wherever, but I also know that Heavenly Father will bless me in the field because I'm trying.
People always tell me stuff will be hard, stuff I already know is hard, and stuff I want, and it's never harder than I imagine it will be. They told me being in chamber singers would be hard. They told me being in Fame would be hard. Both of those things were exactly as hard as I thought they would be, not always in the ways I thought they would be, but they were still as hard as I thought they would be, and I was ready for that because I knew that and I still wanted that and so I was willing to learn how to do those things. Now people are telling me a mission is hard and I'm so aware of that and I'm willing to go through that because I really want to do this and I'm willing to learn how as I go. What are people going to tell me next? That writing is hard? That building a career is hard? Marriage is hard? Having children is hard? Being famous is hard? I already know it's hard. Everything I want is hard. But I still want it and difficulty is not going to stop me.
You people reading this right now. When all of those things happen in the future, and people start telling me that it's hard, you will have witnessed this, and you will know that I am aware that getting what I want is difficult, but just because I am wildly hopeful and ambitious doesn't mean that I think it will be easy. I know life is hard, but I still want everything, and I don't see why I shouldn't get it. You heard it here first.
Anyway, I'm back in Henderson for a month, and I'm living for all these Christmas things. I went to the choir concert at Basic on Tuesday and got to listen to no lie the most BEAUTIFUL Christmas music I've heard in a minute, plus I got to sing the "Hallelujah" chorus with them all on the stage and that's really where home feels like. I was greeted on the stage after by almost everyone in my Henderson/Basic fam. It was honestly really great and I'm happy to be spending the month with you all.
Anyway, the purpose of today's post is to share a narrative with you all. (Friendly reminder about my stellar personal narrative grade, so that must make me good at this. I still can't get over it.) If you keep up with the blog's YouTube then you probably saw me and Jacob's cover of Hamilton's "It's Quiet Uptown". This narrative is a story I wrote based on that song. The date I have on the original copy is October 26, 2016. I wrote it in my imaginative writing class. We were told that day to just take out a piece of paper and write whatever we wanted. There were no requirements for that day's assignment. Well, it was difficult for me to come up with an idea in some ways, but at the same time it wasn't. Because that day I couldn't stop thinking about this song, and I kept painting a little story in my head of the song. But I didn't want to write something based off of that song. I wanted to write something else, maybe something that was mine. But I couldn't get the story out of my head. So eventually I let myself go for it. I tried being subtle at first, but then I just let myself write it as if it was about what it actually was about: Alexander Hamilton losing everything he had in a short period of time, as told by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
I only wrote two pages. I didn't even get to the part where he asks Eliza for forgiveness, and when he gets that forgiveness. And I haven't been able to bring myself to finish it. If you guys really want me to finish after you read this, let me know. If you're satisfied (*cringes at accidental Hamilton joke*) with how it is now, that's cool too. But I think that's why it feels a little incomplete, because it kind of is. This was never edited, but it wasn't effortless either. I guess you could say it's "got a lot of brains but no polish."
Enjoy. Thanks and much love.
--Lizzo
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He never would've imagined in all his life that he'd be living in the rich part of town. A year ago he would've been happy about that. A year ago everything was fine. He had some respect. His wife loved him. His son was alive.
The rain poured down onto the flowers. He watched the water roll off the leaves. He was drenched at this point. He'd been out here for nearly three hours. He didn't care. He liked the silence.
No, that wasn't true. He hated the silence. He missed arguing with his enemies. He missed the chaotic meetings. He missed his wife saying his name. He especially missed his son.
Yes, he hated the silence. But the silence in solitude was preferred to the muttering he heard in the street: "Poor man, lost everything he had at once. Doesn't have an ounce of respect. His wife won't even look at him. His son died only a week or so ago."
He was tired of listening to his own thoughts. He stood up, started heading toward the gate.
There she was. He looked in the window and saw his wife sitting in front of the fire. Her face was stained with tears, but she wasn't crying anymore. She stared at the ground blankly. He wanted to go comfort her; he wanted to do something that would take all her sorrows away. But he knew that no matter what he said, she wouldn't listen. Nothing he could do would be enough.
If things were different, he would have asked her to accompany him. Instead, he desperately gazed through the window a few seconds more, sighed, then walked out the gate.
He had a few moments of quiet before he hit town, the closest to peace he could get. Then he started seeing people filling the streets. He looked down. Maybe they wouldn't notice he was there.
But soon enough the people started talking. "Yep, that's him. Cheated on his wife and wrote about it for the entire world to see. Ruined his own life in just a few weeks. Did you hear about his son?"
He passed stranger after stranger, people who didn't even know him but knew his story. Tirelessly, unfeeling, his feet walked on, down the streets, unconscious of any destination. People glance at him as he passes. There is a quiet hum over the streets. Unlike his old home, the city is not very loud. His son would think it peaceful.
He glances at every tree. His son would love the way the green leaves shine against the gray sky. He looks in every shop window. His son would love the bright lights and colors. His son would love him, too. His son would be the only person that still loved him, if only he were alive.

Disney Princess Series: Jasmine

Hello all!
To be honest, there's not much to say in the form of an update. I've just been living the college dream. Part of me loves Jumpstart, part of me is just tryna graduate. (But I'm DEFINITELY GLAD I am doing this instead of literally anything else for general education.) I've been overwhelmingly aware of my upcoming mission, and I think about it just about every day. It's a beautiful thing. I have sadly been neglecting writing the missionaries for some time at this point, but I'm starting to get my life together. I've been thinking of lots of cool new ideas for blog content! Most of them probably won't be up for quite awhile for however many reasons, but I am really happy about all the developments. There is also hardly a moment where some writer thought isn't on my mind. There is so much that needs to be done, but what I forget is that I do have the time to do it, and I need to trust that Heavenly Father will help me out every step of the way. No need to stress.
Other than that, I spend my time in the Dead-End Jobs Club; featuring your favorite writer, Elizabeth Day; your favorite artist, Joshua Dimond; and your favorite musician, Emily Dimond. I really promise I wasn't planning on going to college with my siblings but heck I am LOVING IT.
Alright, today we are here to talk about another of our beloved princesses. Forgive me for any and all bias on this one, but she's my favorite, like, ever. In my favorite movie ever, with my favorite "Disney prince" ever, by my favorite composer ever. So yeah. Jasmine is my favorite.
Aladdin has been my favorite movie for a minute. Something about homeless boys in vests accompanied by Alan Menken that originally came out in 1992 really gets me. I think Jasmine became my favorite when I realized that we were pretty much exactly the same. We both are lowkey romantics. We're pretty fierce when you mess with what's important to us. We believe in love! And we have the biggest most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. (Not to brag or anything, but, I mean.)
(We both love Aladdin a lot.)
I don't even know if I can accurately state it, but she's the princess that I relate to the most.
When we meet Jasmine, she's just had her tiger attack one of her suitors. (Another thing we lowkey have in common: we're a lil crazy.) She tells her upset father one of the things I love about her the most: when she marries, she wants it to be because she loves someone.
It's not that she didn't want to be obedient. It's that she wanted to obey the law when it was good. She wanted to stand up for what was right. She wanted to genuinely mean what she was doing, not just do it. As I said before, she believed in love! And she knew that some things are so important that they can't have a deadline; when something isn't right, it isn't right.
It's actually quite interesting that this post comes at this time because I am pretty upset about some recent articles I have been seeing regarding the 2019 Aladdin film. The big deal that they're making is that they are making some much-needed improvements to Jasmine's character. Um, what? She wasn't enough for you the first time? The problem I see very often with the feminist movement is that people expect too much of women... and these expectations and judgments are usually coming from other women. They judge a woman for not being ENOUGH of a feminist, for not being empowered enough, for not challenging the system enough. Even to other women, women aren't enough. That's the real problem. If we can't support each other, what do we really expect? Are we really so bothered that Jasmine relied on a man as well as herself? Are we bothered that she didn't try to use her royalty for good enough? I'm going to counter those questions real fast.
Jasmine runs away to have a chance at being her own person. She is literally empowering herself right now by doing this, because she's never really gotten a chance to make decisions like that; she's giving that chance to herself. She is in absolute awe at what the world outside of the palace is like, and runs into Aladdin trying to help a child get an apple. (A naïve act, but that's part of what makes it so beautiful, plus it is a display of pure kindness, which is quite honestly never wasted.) She's quick-witted, as we find out while Aladdin tries to get her out of her bad situation that follows, her going along with the story he's weaving almost flawlessly. Don't be concerned about helplessness. It is okay to need help when you don't know what to do. That is not helplessness.
In a small yet truly iconic moment that once again displays Jasmine's fast mind, Aladdin takes Jasmine back to his, if I may, "penthouse in the sky", doing his cool little pole vault stunt to jump from one building to the next. Not expecting Jasmine to observe him (How can you not love observant and intelligent minds?) and figure it out quickly, he starts preparing another way across, only to find Jasmine has already crossed in the same way he did, saying, "I'm a fast learner." She's a risk-taker. Aladdin finds this totally attractive, as do all of us.
After spending a totally cute evening with Aladdin, our favorite street rat is taken away to the palace. Jasmine tries to stop them by revealing that she is the princess, but it was under Jafar's orders, so away Aladdin goes. (I'm trying to figure out whether or not the sultan's advisor really would have more say than the princess. I am genuinely stumped.)
Aladdin's capture wasn't for lack of trying on Jasmine's part, and not just because of that scene. When she goes back to the palace, she immediately questions Jafar on what happened to Aladdin, and doesn't try to hide her disapproval. Our girl is all about standing for what is right. However, she is told Aladdin is dead, and this devastates her. At that point, what can she do? She thinks it's over. She couldn't have known that Jafar is a LYING SNEAKY SNAKE.
After our hero (Aladdin) finds Genie in the Cave of Wonders and wishes to be a prince so Princess Jasmine will love him (This is what we call dramatic irony; we know that Jasmine already loves him even though he is not a prince), Jasmine meets Ali and is not impressed by how impressive he is trying to be. Jasmine is ultimately just very smart. She doesn't buy into flattery, and she continuously shows. She values genuineness.
Ali returns at her balcony and is not winning any points with Jasmine, once again because he's trying to win points. It's once he tries being quite simply himself that Jasmine starts becoming willing to listen. She adorably shows her amazement in the world when she agrees to go out with him once upon seeing his magic carpet. And it's a great night with him, and she knows that she genuinely loves him. However, he lies yet again and says that Ali was pretending to be Aladdin, not the other way around, once Jasmine calls him out. People that love honestly always know.
After saying that she won't marry Jafar, and then shortly after seducing him to help Aladdin win the fight against evil (In both cases always using her powers for good instead of evil), she finally gets an apology from Aladdin, which she accepts. However, she is very sad, because she does really love him but the law is still the law. Luckily, that is not the end: Jasmine gets the conclusion she REALLY wanted, to CHOOSE the right thing at the right time for the right reason.
To me, Jasmine has everything that I want to be. She's wildly intelligent and beautiful, breaking that age-old stereotype real fast. She wants love, but she wants it to be her love. She wants to be obedient, but she wants to obey what is good. She is aware of her capabilities and unafraid to test them. She started feeling trapped, but learned over time that it wasn't that she could be anything she wanted to be, but that she could be everything she wanted to be.
So can you, family, friends, followers, and fans. Thank you for the endless support. Thinking of you reading my words makes me feel not like I can do anything, but like I can do everything.
I love you.
--Lizzo

A Love Letter Regarding Vulnerability

Hello family, friends, followers, and fans! Let's have a quick update before we get to the point.
For starters, it is SO COLD here. It feels like winter in Vegas. Lately it's been quite literally freezing at night. It'll warm up for about a week, and then I think it's going to get colder again. This is absolutely wild; it's impossible to get warm. However, it's lowkey super beautiful and it has me very nostalgic for things like marching band, caroling, Christmas with the fam, and pretty much everything else that ever happened when it was cold.
I'm both taking a small number of classes and a large number of classes, thanks to Jumpstart.
Before I get too much into Jumpstart because I could literally say SO MUCH about Jumpstart, I'll talk about my classes that AREN'T Jumpstart.
My institute class this semester is Teachings of the Book of Mormon and it's literally the best. We just study the truths of the Book of Mormon using various scriptures and words from the living prophets. There's a different topic for each day and the talks are always super helpful to things I've been wondering about personally. This is definitely the class for me this semester.
I'm taking voice lessons! Sadly my lessons are only half an hour long because I don't have enough credits to take an hour-long class, but at least I still get to learn how to sing! My professor is amazing. It's lowkey super discouraging, because I could get away with thinking I was a good singer in high school... and now I can't. But I'm getting more and more okay with that every day and I'm honestly seeing myself improve. I really want to be a good singer because singing is something that's mattered to me a lot for a long time, and this is definitely a new adventure in that manner. I decided to compete in NATS (National Association of Teachers of Singing), which I wasn't originally going to do. Haha, I should know better by now. I always end up doing the things I don't think I'm going to do. I can't say it loud enough, people. If you want to do it, please just go ahead and do it.
Alright, now I'll go ahead and talk about Jumpstart. For those of you that don't know what it is yet, it's a class that meets for three hours every day, and over the course of the year I will complete all of my general classes. (With the exception of math.) My particular class has an emphasis in stage and screen; the other one has an emphasis in national parks. The classes I'm taking are basically biology, physics, theatre, philosophy, history, communication, academic writing (I will have another English class next semester), and... integrated workflow solutions? (I'm getting credit for that, but I'm pretty sure no one thinks that's a real class.)This stage and screen track is super awesome because we talk A LOT about movies and plays in pretty much every class. For example, my English teacher used film trailers to explain thesis statements. We went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark accompanied by the Utah Symphony Orchestra and had assignments for various classes all based around that event-- for example, my theatre assignment was to write a reaction of viewing a recorded performance versus viewing a live performance, while my physics assignment was to observe and take notes on the way the instruments made sounds and how the hall affected the sound while the orchestra was warming up. Two professors give their lectures every day. Some days I know what class I will have, and some days I don't. On Friday I had theatre and English. Today I had physics and philosophy. I know I'll have philosophy again tomorrow, but I don't know the other class I'll have. The thing is, though, any of the professors can come to class any day even if they're not teaching. They all sit in the back of the room, and any of them can speak at any time, whether it's to ask a question or contribute to the thought or show how it relates to what they teach, or anything. For example, this is a real thing that happened today during our philosophy lecture, when we were talking about John Locke's perception of self and his idea of the soul and why it is not the same as self:

Philosophy professor: Is God just swapping out souls while you sleep?
Biology professor: Is that all sleep IS???
English professor: They're NEVER going to sleep; stop doing this!!!

(Stuff like that happens a lot in philosophy.)
Yeah, so it's a pretty good class, as good as any other. Some days we discuss Romeo and Juliet. (Which we were required to see at the Utah Shakespeare Festival for class. The best.) Some days we learn the structure of the human ear. (You can't have all perfect days.) Some days we're learning about the human reproductive system (something about cloning was in there somewhere too) with Phineas and Ferb references. Some days you're doing experiments about light. (Another painful day.) Some days we're learning about the different forms of comedy and watching clips from various TV shows, movies, and plays for examples. Some days we're editing sound into a clip from The Birds. Some days we're looking at a labeled picture of a human eye and I'm wondering why one of those words is irrationally jumping out at me.
(It was the freaking iris.)
So yes. School is going fantastic.
I've also just started making today an SUU Bucket List. It's a list of things to do while I'm at college whether they be unique to Cedar City or SUU. So be following me to see all of the stuff I do, because I'm super excited. Most of the stuff is stuff recommended from the ACES, some I got from Emily, Josh, and Paige (who has never been formally introduced on the blog but is as old a family friend as any), and some I just made up by myself. If you ever lived in Cedar City or went to SUU, feel free to suggest!
It's interesting that today's topic is what it is just because of what happened last night. I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and just thinking. And one of the thoughts I fell upon was when we found out that our guard coach, Trina, would be leaving Basic. I was absolutely devastated even though I wouldn't be there next year. And how comforted I was when the new coach, Tracy, came in and worked with us on technique. I could finally be at rest with the idea because she was really good and I knew my friends were going to be okay. I went back to think about the day I learned that Trina would be leaving and how upset I was, and how I was even more upset than I realized, until in choir we started learning our senior song ("On Top of the World" by Imagine Dragons) that day, the one we would sing at my graduation, and it was one of the songs I had always associated with color guard, and the news from earlier that morning was still heavy in my heart and I had cried and cried and cried and cried that day during class, and I couldn't stop crying and Becca hugged me after class and asked what was wrong I couldn't stop saying, "Trina's gone. Trina's gone." And that was such a heartbreaking day for me.
I was thinking about that memory last night. And before I was even aware of what was happening I was sobbing again, uncontrollably, shaking. From a memory of a sad day, I was crying as if it was happening right then.
It's not particularly new to me. I've been told many times that I am an emotional person. And it's true. One word that was used in particular once was that the emotion I am led by is vulnerability; to translate, I am led by emotion in general, completely unguarded. That was pretty hurtful the first time I heard it (which pretty much just proves the point), but the more I thought about it it was true. And it doesn't have to be hurtful. For a long time I didn't know that. But I've really come to terms with it, and it doesn't only not need to be hurtful, but it can be good.
I am addressing myself in this post, but it is something everyone needs to hear. In fact, while I will get relatively specific, if you ever need to fill your name in where mine is, go ahead. This is something you should be comfortable with.
I love you all.
Dear Elizabeth,
You have to very opposing talents. One of them is a talent of objectivity, and the other is a talent of subjectivity.
Your objective talent is your ability to attach and detach yourself from an emotion. You can clearly remember what anger from HOWEVER many years ago felt like. You can remember what you thought and how it made you feel about a specific situation. You can remember exactly why you cried or exactly why you smiled. And you can make yourself feel that again. But then when you're done feeling it, you can take it away again as if the emotion had never been there. You've viewed this talent as a writing gift, because it come in very handy that way. If you want to write about a specific kind of anger but you don't feel it anymore, you just call upon the memory of that specific kind of anger and you feel as if you still possess it. Then when you're done writing whatever you need to get done, you dismiss the anger, and it's not yours anymore.
Your other talent is a lot more general and honestly a lot more who you are. Your subjectivity talent. You are SO GUIDED by what you FEEL than by anything else. That's why you're terrible at forming arguments. You don't usually have a strong amount of reasons for anything; you just go with the way you feel, and that's what's correct to you. It applies to literally everything. Like, you have this weird way of knowing when you're reading a book and there's a typical love triangle WHO the protagonist is going to choose because you can feel it. You don't always need reasons; you can literally just feel it.
The latter talent has bothered you a lot because you seem to be the only one feeling sometimes. And you, funny as this is, don't particularly like standing out in ordinary situations. You're expressing your love for something and everyone disregards it. You're talking about a story you wrote and it's so real to you and no one else is even CAPABLE of caring as much as you do, and you know that, but you're still so discouraged because it is your heart and soul. You're saying that it hurts you to remember the production that turned your life around and you are told that "it's just a show". You're crying on the floor of a hotel hallway because there's been a crisis while you guys are on your choir trip and you're referred to as "a sensitive one". You're talking about how you are emotion-led and someone says they wouldn't say that about you, the way people tell you you're not fat when you call yourself fat as if you had just called yourself ugly.
Since you have both of those gifts, there are times in life when one takes over more than the other. And so in times where the objectivity takes over, you are simply LIVING. You're finally not the emotional one. And once you're aware of that, you get a little out of control. And you try SO HARD to not care about ANYTHING, even though caring and being honest about that is who you are. And once you do it for long enough, the whole "not caring" act starts to destroy you a little bit. Because that's just not who you are, Liz. It's just not.
Sometimes those periods of trying to be objective are good for you for that reason. Because when you're vulnerable, you can start to get down on yourself about that and equate that with being lesser. And once you try being objective about absolutely everything you realize that you can't do that, and you don't feel good about yourself, and you realize that you were fine just feeling, and you go back to just letting yourself do you, but this time you're more okay with it.
You once felt physically sick just thinking about the fact that people assumed that because you were going to continue performing you would be giving up writing. Your mom pointed out to you that that was because you are so emotion-driven. The idea that something you're feeling could just be thrown away as if it never mattered is absolutely foreign to you. You feel something, and it lasts for a long time. Maybe that's where the objectivity comes in. Even once you're done feeling the thing, you don't throw it out; you save it to be written about some other time.
Your vulnerability is good because it's honest. You are incapable of lying to people even in joking because what is simply is for you. Everything is as true as you can make it. Your vulnerability is good because it allows you to talk about emotional issues with people. You're not afraid of emotions, so you're willing to try someone else's on. This vulnerability even goes hand in hand with the objectivity, because you take their emotion and feel it as your own, and while you are never able to understand another person, you give it your best shot, and then you give that emotion back to them, and it helps them feel understood, because at least now you know. Your vulnerability is good because it allows forgiveness. You've only been capable of hating people you loved first, because you only hate when you feel betrayed. And once you do hate you know that that is hell for you, and you feel anger and you cry irrationally and then your emotional heart somehow finds a way to heal again and you ask for forgiveness and you give forgiveness and you form love again, and that is something that can only happen through vulnerability; if you weren't vulnerable, those hard feelings would stay forever and there would be no recovering. There are things you used to get wildly angry about, which is also due to your vulnerability, but now instead of getting angry, you just get sad. You just cry. And I honestly think that's better, because your sorrow will not hurt somebody else.
Of course you still have your weak moments, where you're insecure about the way you feel and you wonder why you of all people had to be this way. That's part of your vulnerability. You were born to feel the pain that comes with it, just like you were born to feel the joy. You make your own life exciting because you just let yourself go where your heart takes you. This is something beautiful about you. You don't need to be ashamed of it. It's not incorrect. It's actually good.
I love you a lot.
--Lizzo

Disney Princess Series: Belle

It has been just over a month since I last wrote. Luckily, absolutely nothing has been going on!!! I've just been continuously working and waiting for school to start. For those that care, we are on season nine of Friends.
So yeah, for the past month almost nothing has been going on, but the few things that DID happen are HUGE.
I got a job on campus! I'm a custodian in the Centrum Arena during the morning, every weekday. I've only been there for four days and it's proving to be amazing. I have one more week at Firehouse and then I am done there.
I moved in to my apartment! And I finally finished unpacking and my room is SO PRETTY. It sucks living without the fam, but I am super happy about my new place.
In the literary world, we've got some bad news: I would be done with Oliver Twist right now if it weren't for something that got in the way. But we also have some good news: the thing that got in the way was a request to review a book! I was sent a free digital copy of Countryside: The Book of the Wise by author J.T. Cope in exchange of an honest review. It was honestly really exciting to get to be a part of the literary world in some way, because I know in the near future I will be asking people for reviews as well. If you want to read my review of The Book of the Wise, you can do so here.
(Also feel free to give me a follow on Goodreads for more book reviews and things.)
Honestly, that's the most exciting thing. Ever since I moved I've been thinking a lot more about the literary world and envisioning my role in it. It's getting real, guys.
In fact, I always say to write with deadlines, right? Well, for my long-term works I don't, because I don't have any publication plans. But now that I've graduated high school and I'm getting closer to what I really want, I've started thinking about when I want to publish Story 1. So I set a goal. I have a long-term deadline. In five years, I hope you guys are all reading it.
By the end of the year, I have a goal to be done with Story 1's third (and final) draft (although there are bound to be changes once we can get accepted) and with Story 3's first draft. (Not super concerned for Story 2 right now. They can just chill, although I'd like to be done with their second draft. That would be nice.)
Alright, I'm sleep-deprived, dehydrated and without water, needing to do laundry, and there are a bunch of college students continuously screaming outside my apartment building. Let's do this.
Today's featured princess (you can reference the previous Disney Princess Series post here) was one of my favorites for a long time. She's brave and fiery and feminine and beautiful. We love Princess Belle.
An interesting thing about Belle's character is that when the makers of the film were creating her, they added her love of books because they wanted to give her characters more substance than just wanting to fall in love. Which is funny, because if you take a look at the original "Beauty and the Beast" fairy tale our heroine didn't have any intention of falling in love either. However, Belle's love of literature was very intentional, to give her some depth and desire and human quality. That's the thing about fairy tales, is the characters in those are very cookie cutter, because unlike most written works, the point of the story isn't the characters, so the characters don't need to be anything special. When these stories are adapted to films or other pieces, the characters can be enhanced, leading us to the Belle we know and love today.
Belle is amazing because she shows us the diversity in beauty! Some of our other princesses were beautiful because they wanted love. Their life was at a standstill and they felt love had a lot to offer them. Belle is beautiful because she wasn't seeking love. Belle loved herself in a really vulnerable way, in that she still had insecurities about her-- wondering why the people of her town talked about her the way they did. But that didn't stop her from being herself, because while it is perfectly okay and normal to be bothered by what people think of you, you still can't let that stand in the way of you doing you.  She's herself the entire time, no matter what people think. She loves her dad and she loves her books, and that's what she lets affect her.
Belle is where you take notes on how to resist creepy and gross boys, ladies. You're worth more than a Gaston, sweetie.
Alright, but back to her loving her dad. So when Maurice gets held hostage by this giant scary beast, Belle takes his place in an act of absolute selflessness and bravery and takes his place. I think the thing that is especially noteworthy here is first her determination, because it radiates such an intense amount of strength. The second noteworthy thing is that she has a breakdown once her father is gone. Because you're allowed to feel and have heartbreak even when you're being strong and brave, my dears.
Here's what we need to understand: Belle was not in love with the Beast for a very long time. (She doesn't get to see how much of a TOTAL SWEETHEART he is like we do as viewers.) She doesn't even like him at first. Then she runs away, and when he saves her from the wolves, she knows that anyone who is willing to do what he did can't be all bad. They come to a beautiful understanding. And then they're best friends. (Aww.) Through that, they fall in love, so much that the Beast is willing to let her go. We can remember how Belle wasn't looking for love, but then she found it, and it turned out to be the right thing for her and what she wanted, and so she was willing to accept it. She accepted the good she found in her life, lifted herself from misery, and lived happily ever after.
She followed her heart!
And that is always the moral of the story on the blog. Belle is one of our princess heroines because she was willing to follow her heart throughout.
There's your daily reminder to do that, my faves. Your heart is good and it will take you good places.
Continual thanks for supporting my writing so much. It means everything to me, so all the love that any of my writing gets means the world.
With that said, thanks and much love.
--Lizzo

Something About Positivity

OKAY.
This post is actually overdue, because I made my due date yesterday (Don't write without a due date.) and didn't write it. This one's going to be a cute little hybrid of an update on my life and what the post is actually supposed to be about. SO. Let's start with the insanely long update.
Since writing my last post, I have spent one more week at home and then moved to Cedar City. School starts in a little over a month. Cedar City is BEAUTIFUL. Everyone here loves Shakespeare and it's the theatre capital of the world. A highlight is the Shakespeare Character Garden. (At least for me; it's probably just cool for everyone else.) I recently got a job at Firehouse Subs. I've been reading more than I have in a long time. I'm taking the Parables of Jesus class at the institute and I'm in a YSA (Young Single Adult) ward. The ward's great, but I do sometimes get concerned about the fact that it often takes me a number of months to a year to make friends... and I'm only living for a year. At a bunch of church activities there are treats after and everyone socializes, so I guess that's how everyone else makes friends.
Eating... and socializing? *groans in frustration*
I'm figuring out ways to try a little harder.
That's not to say I haven't met nice people, though. I really have, I like them a lot. I just have a hard time getting comfortable.
Alright, but here's the thing I gotta tell you about Utah culture. Utah culture is immensely different from Vegas culture, and that's relatively fine. There's only one problem, one weird thing about the culture here. The weird thing is RAIN.
I'm from a hot (like, really hot) desert where when it got unbearable at band camp I would say it's not hot until it's 120 to keep things light. Because, like, that was realistic. And when it rained, we would all run and scream and throw a party and play in it and it was so much fun. But here, it's not like that.
For starters and on an unrelated note, it gets cold at night in the summer.
But as far as rain goes, people from Utah sometimes brag about their minor drought and how when it rains they could definitely use it. Oh yeah, Utah? Then why the heck are the gutters in your streets deeper than the Pacific Ocean, and almost always flowing like a river even when it's sunny outside? Who even thought to make gutters that deep? Maybe they're always so full because instead of watering your grass (THERE IS SO MUCH GRASS AND SO MANY TREES, LIKE, WHERE IS THE DIRT) there are constantly sprinklers directed at the sidewalk. (Like literally I see sprinklers watering sidewalks more here than I have anywhere else.) Maybe you wouldn't be having this drought problem if you stopped watering the concrete and started watering the plants. Anyway, I digress. But one time I was at FHE (Family Home Evening) with my ward and it rained. We were outside playing and making ice cream and drawing with chalk under this shaded area, when it started to rain.
Do you know how everyone reacted?
THEY ALL RAN FOR COVER UNDER THE SHADED AREA.
It was so exciting that it rained! And I didn't panic and run because that's not what you do when it rains, unless it's due to excitement. I chilled there because I LOVE the rain. But everyone else RAN to stay dry. And I didn't move for a while, but I didn't want to be the only weird one, so eventually I moved too. Last night at like midnight it started raining and I was so happy (because I constantly check the weather now because rain is so much more common here) that I put on a jacket and ran out there and enjoyed it for a minute. No one else was out. I went back in after a minute because someone was walking down the street and I once again didn't want to look weird. But in Nevada, standing outside at midnight just for the sake of the beautiful rain would not have been weird.
Okay, so yeah, that's how everyone acts when it rains. But an even worse tragedy is the rain quality.
Don't get me wrong, it rains a lot better here; it rains really hard and the drops are huge. But I walked home from FHE that one day because I wanted to walk in the rain. On that walk I realized it's a lot different when it rains here. It, firstly, felt a lot hotter, and I realized it was because all the plants and how non-deserty Cedar City is made it way more humid. In the desert it's really cool when it rains because there's nothing but rocks and dirt. And... I didn't like the way the rain smelled, either. It smelled too much like plants. In Vegas, it smells really good and dusty and earthy. It didn't smell the way it smells when it rains and you get all happy. Utah rain is different. The funny thing is Josh's coworkers said that on the east coast it smells like plants when it rains but here in Utah it just smells dusty. They have no idea. Culture and environment are amazing.
So pretty much, what I'm saying, desert people, is savor your rain. Not because you live in a desert and you need rain, but because your rain smells way better and feels way nicer.
(Except for in the rain quantity. That's the only place that Utah rain has you beat.)
Besides all that, I really like singing because people comment on it when I sing at church and say I have a lovely voice or that I'm really good at picking out the alto note and so I love singing because it's one way I know for sure how to define myself. I mean, that's easy. You sing and people hear and they say, "Wow, you're really good," and then I feel like someone. I guess I'm not really good at introducing myself. People ask what my major is and I say creative writing and they say cool but they don't realize JUST HOW COOL. Like, they don't realize that that has been my entire life for eighteen years and that it's going to be my entire life for however much longer. The other day I met someone at FHE and talked to her and I had the opportunity to tell her I was going on a mission, and that was the most exciting thing in the world for me. I'd been living here for about two weeks at that point and was just begging to tell someone that, but no one had asked. I don't know how to show people who I am. When I take my binder containing Story 3 out to write it's not like anyone asks what it is, and I don't just offer it out. (Bishop, however, did ask if I had written novels. You're a real one, Bishop.) It took YEARS for me to be known as the writer in high school. I only have a year here; how am I supposed to show people that? Lowkey have been considering just making cards that have the blog on them so that I can pass them out and people can take the easy way out when it comes to getting to know me. I don't know how to introduce myself, and I have a way of getting comfortable with friends really slowly. How do I do this?
I also realized that I usually vibe with the younger crowd, and now... I am the younger crowd. Maybe that's another reason that I'm having a hard time with friends.
I know that all sounds really gloomy, but I really am having a great time here. I've been reading the Book of Mormon as well as Oliver Twist like crazy. Plus, me, Em, and Josh have been binge watching Friends, and I am quite in love.
Alright, so now that I've rambled on about the next part of my life, I want to get to the real point of this post.
This post is entitled "Something About Positivity" rather than "Regarding Positivity" or "A Positivity Post" or simply "Positivity" because I'm not quite sure how to define it. But this was so important to me that I had to write it, that I put off the post that I was going to write just for this one. I hope every single one of you family, friends, followers, and fans are reading this one, because I think it is so important.
I follow my people very closely on social media. I love keeping up on your lives. Let me start with that. It doesn't matter how many years it's been. I never, EVER forget you guys. I still keep up with people I knew in kindergarten. You meet me once, and we're friends forever.
And so with that said, I can see how much hard stuff you are all going through. It breaks my heart to hear about all of your personal tragedies, and the terrible thing is there's no way I'm even hearing all of it. Like, when you guys are sad, I get SO SAD, because I just wish I could tell you something AMAZING that would make you feel better, especially my young friends that I used to be in choir with because I was your choir president and I used to be able to try to do that and I used to feel like I could help you guys and I can't.
So maybe that's why the title of this post hints that it has something to do with positivity, because it's not to say that you guys are actively being negative, because I don't think that's true. I just thought I would write a few things about what helps me stay positive no matter what's going on, because that is the one thing I can do for you guys at this point, and I want to be able to give you life-saving advice like I used to make ridiculous attempts to do. Writing is the only thing I can ever do, so here's my gift to you. I hope it's any sort of good enough.
The first thing I do is write every day. I guess not everyone likes writing the way I do, but that's not what I mean. My little brother from choir Trevor once told me that he felt like I was so much more mentally stable than everyone else because I write all the time. I used to not think that was true, but now I know what he's saying. I keep a hardcore journal and write about my day and my thoughts. And when I sit down and write at the end of every day, it's the calmest thing in the world. During really bad periods of my life it's very relaxing, and during good times too. I for some reason find it easier to be positive when I write, so it's awesome to end the day in a good way. I encourage you to do that. And I encourage you to write honestly, to let out the good and let out the bad. I want you to say it how it is. However, beware of dwelling too much on negativity in writing. With that said, do write about the negative when you really need to. And once you've gotten that written down, write yourself a pep talk next. Write yourself something hopeful about how things will get better. Write yourself something about how you're strong enough to get through this. And then write a few things that you're grateful for. It can be something huge like family or something basic like cinnamon rolls. I've written pretty much everything down. If you need to, write something you love about yourself. Write about your life, and write about goodness. You'll see it.
You guys all know I'm an open book. I have a SMALL number of secrets. That's why my secrets are so valuable to me, is if I give them up I won't have any more. I write on this blog for all of you to see and confess everything through my writing. But my journal is personal. A lot of us write publicly on various social media, and you have no idea how awesome I think that is. Keep doing that. But I also encourage you to pick up a notebook and start a journal for yourself, because I think that you will undoubtedly tell the full truth to yourself. When you're only telling other people how you feel behind your writing, you'll be telling the truth, but you may not be telling the full truth and you may even be watering down what you feel by a lot. That's not good. When we write for just ourselves about our own lives and thoughts and feelings, we are being completely honest, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) I guess the tragic thing is that the most beautiful things I write are the things that no one will ever see, because those are the things that are just for me. The second I die you can all have as much access to that writing as you want, because at that point I won't need it for myself anymore. That space is for me to think and to figure out what I feel, and for honesty, and honesty is my favorite. So write about your life for yourself, and do it with honesty.
My second piece of advice is to pray.
Imagine having a friend that loves you. But this love, it's like nothing you've ever heard of. This friend loves you and is so pleased with you when you're doing things right. But when you're doing things wrong, that friend still loves you without question and loves you the whole time. That friend is honest with you; that friend won't tell you you're right when you're wrong, and won't support your bad actions; but that friend will support you the whole time and hope that you choose better. That friend will always be there for you. But if you ever choose to not be with that friend, that friend will still love you. And if you ever choose to come back to that friend, that friend will take you back without even questioning it for half a second. That friend loves to give you gifts, and forgives you when you forget to thank that friend for the gifts, but is very happy when you do thank that friend. That friend loves when you ask for advice or help or for anything, because that friend wants to give you all that. And that friend would listen to you rant ALL DAY.  You could tell that friend anything. That friend misses you when you're gone and cherishes you when you're there. That friend really loves you without condition. That friend is perfect. That friend is the ideal image of a friend.
That friend is real. That friend is God. God is our Heavenly Father, and He loves us so much. All those things I just described about Him are true, but to be honest, I don't even know the half of how much Heavenly Father loves you. My mortal mind isn't even capable of imagining it. And yes, I said you, like, *insert your name* you. You as a member of a collective, but also you as an individual person. God loves everyone as imperfect as we all are. He is willing to be there for us. I think the trouble a lot of people have in believing in God is that if He really is all powerful, He would just make everything better. Let me tell you. He doesn't do that. Let me try to explain why.
I was talking to Emily the other day about all the things I want and kind of how in desperate moments I would jump right to them if I had the chance. One example is being a published writer. Emily then asked, wouldn't I want the experience rather than just having gotten there? She was absolutely right. I do love experiences. I love the between part in the middle of beginning and end. So in my sane moments I know that I would never jump right to success. I think the same thing goes with Heavenly Father. He loves us so much that He doesn't make everything better for us; He lets us have the beautiful experience of happiness and pain and learning, and then at the end of it we have eternal joy. I swear, if you talk to God, He will talk back. I don't mean in person, but you will feel His Spirit, and through His Spirit you'll be able to know He is listening to you and there for you. I've felt His love for me after talking to Him. I've recognized His help in my life after many, many, many prayers. You probably won't recognize it right away. But whether you've prayed every day of your life or whether you've never prayed at all or anywhere in between, I invite you to give it a try. When you pray, you can thank God for what you have, and sometimes it will be hard, so it can even be helpful before you pray to meditate about things you really want to offer to your Heavenly Father. You'll think of a lot of great things in your life and your heart will be filled with gratitude, so thank Him for all the things in your life. Then you can ask for help. If you need something, please don't be afraid to ask for it. You might not get what you think you need or when you think you need it, and you also might, but anyone that is willing to ask for help will get it when they ask of God. I pray for things I want to know or remember or obtain. It's also a personal favorite of mine to pray for your family and friends when they are having a hard time. If you know there is something they need or an answer they are looking for, give them a thought in your prayer. I often don't know what to do when I see a friend that is having trouble, so when that's the case a prayer is an easy way to give them love when you aren't sure how to approach them; sometimes I even pray to know how to help a friend.
Want to know one other great thing about prayer?
I really mean it when I say you can tell our Heavenly Father anything.
Sometimes, when things are really bad, I literally just cry and tell God in my prayer all the things that are wrong and all the ways that I'm hurting. I just say what I'm feeling and thinking. You can do that in good times, bad times, any times in between. He really is listening.
I invite you to find some quiet alone time, kneel down before Heavenly Father, and just say what you want to say. Give thanks, ask any questions you may need answered or for blessings you may need, ask for advice and knowledge, and just say what you want to say. I promise if you do this with faith in your heart and hope that He is listening, you will know. You will know that He is listening.
I love you all. I really mean it. If you ever need me, the blog is always open. Always. It's never unavailable for you guys. If you need me for anything, this is me asking you what I can do for you.
A few things in closing.
Firstly, please don't shame yourself. You shouldn't feel sorry for being who you are. You should feel sorry for mistakes, but you shouldn't let that guilt weigh you down, you should let it drive you to try again. You shouldn't feel sorry for trying to fix your mistakes. You shouldn't feel sorry for being alive. You're allowed to be alive. You're supposed to be alive. You shouldn't feel sorry for not being good enough. Whenever you're trying to be your best, you are good enough. You're allowed to make mistakes, because then you can have the pleasure of learning and fixing your mistakes. Don't be ashamed of being alive.
Second, it will get better. Whatever is wrong, it will get better, because you will get better. One of my new favorite things to pray for is strength. Heavenly Father doesn't automatically fix things, but He supplies strength to anyone who asks for it and has faith that He will give it. He won't keep that strength from you if you trust Him and ask Him for it. You will be strong enough to get through anything.
Lastly, please, don't feel guilty for being happy. You're allowed to be happy, and you're supposed to be happy.
My dad once gave me a priesthood blessing in a really hard time in my life. One thing that was said in the blessing was that just because not everything is right doesn't mean everything is wrong. It was like God was letting me know that I had permission to be happy. I was not obligated to be sad just because my life wasn't perfect. Those words are still setting me free. I try to live by them now. Whenever I remember how many problems I have, I remember that not everything is wrong, and I'm allowed to be joyful about that.
I love you. I really do.
--Lizzo

Fame Friday: A Compilation Post

Hello all! Not too much has happened since I last wrote, right? It's only been a few days, right? Do you see this? Do you see what happens when I don't have school? I actually write stuff. This is wild.
Alright, we're back from the family vacation and it was really awesome getting to see my great-grandma again. Lots of writing progress was made. Already made plans to go see Newsies again. And I got to go to two different temples just this week!!! Boise, Idaho while we were visiting Grandma, and Las Vegas, Nevada, because, um, I live there.
And when you guys read this, I'll probably be on my way home from trek, an event we do in my church so we can learn about and celebrate our ancestors that traveled west. Because I missed my first deadline so the post has to go up later. Trying not to beat myself up over it, but I've done trek before and I'm sure it will be great again. My family gave up a lot just so people like me could have a good and free life.
So no lie, this is near tragic, because I was hoping for a long update so that I could stall getting to the real point of this post, get into my writing vibe or whatever. And we're going to talk about the insecurity that comes with writing a lot in this post too.
Hold on, friends. This is going to be a long one.
Okay, so long story short, you all know the story, because I've told it a million times, because it's pretty much one of my favorite things I've done this year or ever: I auditioned for my high school's production of Fame the Musical, and I was cast as Iris Kelly. Okay. Let's start there. I rehearsed for and successfully completed the production, and it pretty much changed the entire way I do me.
Yep, that's it. That's what happened.
Haha, funny story, a few weeks ago Kendrick (Joe Vegas) and Angelo (Mr. Sheinkopf) discovered that this beautiful blog exists. (OKAY not gonna lie it was the purest thing ever. They both bookmarked it in their phones. Kendrick's face when he figured out why all my social media is @Itsanadventur was priceless.) And Kendrick's scrolling through my posts and he comes across the one entitled "Famefic" but reads it incorrectly and says something along the lines of, "'Fametastic'? This is the best thing ever!" I corrected him, for that is not what it said. (However, I would be lying if I said I've never used that word before. Well THIS ONE'S FOR YOU KENDRICK, GET READY FOR THE MOST FAMETASTIC POST YOU'VE EVER READ.
Alright, so my favorite human who you guys have likely heard of before, Morgan (Serena Katz) way back in the production had this idea to do Fame Fridays on Instagram, every Friday would be about Fame. And every week our Instagrams were poppin' because her Insta story always had a bunch of us yelling "FAME FRIDAY" on it and I would always post a photo or a video relating to the production in some way with the hashtag #FameFriday. And when the show ended, she and I were like, "We have to find a way to keep Fame Friday going!" And I was like "Sure fam," because during the production I had taken all these notes on what I had observed about the characters or about the writing, because I really did learn a lot during this show, and I wanted to write about it for everyone once the show was over. So I was like "Sure, I've been waiting to write about Fame, I have some notes I've been taking on the show that I want to write about, I can do a few more Fame Fridays."
A few more.
A few more.
A FEW MORE.
Wow, guys. Just, wow.
That really is how I'd done it. I observed so much during this whole thing that I wrote down everything I wanted to share, and once it was over and pics had been released of the show, I wrote about everything. I had way more to say than I'd anticipated.
And it got to this ridiculous point where every time I would write my post and just be endlessly anxious about it. Sometimes I would even post it in the insanely early hours of the morning so I could just sleep the anxiety away. I was to be so honest just so afraid of my friends seeing them and thinking I was weird. But think about it. I'm a blogger. Writing about life is what I do. What was I afraid of? Them seeing that I like to write? That's no secret. Them seeing that I like character development? That's no secret either. It was even more difficult because I made a lot of new friends, and I guess that them seeing who I really was was too scary for me. I was actually talking with my dear friend Carlos (Schlomo Metzenbaum) a few weeks ago about some struggles I'd had with writing, and he said to me that when you write something, it's a part of you, and that's what made it even harder. And that was especially true for this bit of writing. Because this was something that had come to mean a lot to me for a million different reasons, and exposing that to the world was something I was really hesitant about. Because how dare I, as a writer, as a human with a strong sense of vulnerability, as a human who has been led irrationally by emotion and passion and art, actually care about something?
So yeah, I used to be embarrassed about writing about Fame, because it meant a lot to me. But to be so honest, I can't let something like that get in my way, because then I'll never sell a piece of writing a day in my life. It's okay for me to hype up Fame that much because it did do that much for me, and it was something I really wanted and really loved.
Fame, for starters, changed the way I perform. I've been performing for a really long time but have never been super good at it. Not in singing, not in color guard, not anywhere. And now I was an actor. And I am a person who is TOTALLY TERRIFIED of doing things I don't know how to do in front of people. I wasn't even a performer, and I definitely wasn't an actor. And pretty much everyone else there was.... I didn't fit in, as usual. I didn't have a huge stage personality; I'm not the kind of person that just can naturally make a big deal out of anything, that can easily put on a show. Everyone else was so bold and loud, and I'm quiet and reserved and kind of afraid of talking to people (especially people that were better than me and wouldn't like me and that I didn't really know). Still didn't fit in. And worst of all, I am known for being expressionless. I'm not good at showing what I'm feeling. If I can't even show what I'm feeling, how was I supposed to show what Iris was feeling? I didn't even know her at first. But all of those problems just made me work even harder at it. It was something I really wanted to do, I think everyone knows that by now. So to overcome all those things I had to work endlessly, and I thought about it all the time, and I was trying to get better all the time. And I think eventually I made it work out, and even now that the show is over and I think on it I'm still learning great things about acting all the time. But since I was in Fame, singing got easier. My performances just got SO MUCH BETTER. And I liked doing them more, because they were better. My performance in color guard went up, like, right away, and a lot. My coach would say he couldn't stop watching me, I was doing so well, he would call me out all the time, and that started about halfway through the making of Fame. A few months before they couldn't stop calling me out for needing to do more, but I started learning a new way of performing, a way that made me need to try so much harder and bigger just to pull it off, and suddenly I was performing the best on the team. I finally started figuring this performing thing out, and I thought I loved it before, but now, as you all know, I can't stop. Fame did that for me. And thanks to you, Iris, I used to not be able to express an emotion at all but after the show I couldn't even hold back a judgmental glance. Special shoutout to Lizzy Neal (SONIA) for being the reason that whenever I'm judging someone, somebody inevitably says "Your Iris is showing."
Fame changed my writing. Like, wow, it changed my writing. I've been interested in writing for theatre for a long time, specifically musical theatre. So I got cast in this show, and they gave me this book and sometimes I would just open it and stare at it and drink in the format because WOW I was holding an actual libretto and I wanted to learn as much about writing this beautiful art form as I could. But as I continued in the show, there were so many cool things, like formatting and the way a word is used and I just couldn't get over it all. I saw so many intelligent things, and I just loved it. It especially taught me how to develop a character. It's funny, watching the progression of my knowledge of how to write a character. When I started writing seriously, I was eleven, and my idea of characters was kind of like they were shells of people. That doesn't work. If I as the writer don't believe a character is a real person in their real universe, then the reader doesn't believe it either. It was the exact same thing. Writing and acting went hand in hand. Because if I didn't believe everything I was doing as Iris, then nobody in the audience was going to believe her. I had to genuinely think and genuinely feel everything that Iris did, and while I was her it had to be real to me. Which went for writing, which went for acting, which went for writing. It was all the same. You play a character the same way you write it. You have to know them. You have to become their best friend, and you won't know everything about them at first, but eventually you'll have a really intimate relationship with them and you'll know what they need to do in every situation. The first time I read through the show and I was thinking about this character I was supposed to bring to life and the first thing I had established was that Iris HECKA loved Tyrone, and I was like, "Well, the first thing I gotta figure out is why that is," because her story had pretty much everything to do with him. And eventually I figured out why she loved him so much, and then I figured out why she loved dancing so much, because while Tyrone meant the world to her dancing meant even more, it kind of kept her going and that really established who she was. And either between that or after that I learned that Iris thrives off of being on top, and her need to impress people an be the best is where she gets her drive from. She and I got really close, because once I knew those three things about her I could figure out pretty much everything else. And I really did try to figure out everything else. I thought about her all the time. Because it's a totally different experience developing just one character in the story instead of all of them at once. When I was in Fame, I wouldn't even let myself think too much about Miss Sherman's motives because I knew that Iris would never try to understand Miss Sherman, she hated her. I thought about Iris all the time. Like, literally all the time. And you become so connected to a person like that, and I love her so much. Another great thing that was learned from being Iris was that Iris is a support role. She is not one of the main leads. And so the big stories didn't revolve around her, so my time as Iris didn't require having to be a big contributor to the plot. But she was still there. That's the important thing, that she was still there. It all affected her even if it wasn't happening directly to her, so I mostly got to learn what it's like to be a secondary character, because those characters can often get forgotten but they honestly need as much depth as your main characters do. You need to know how they react to everything, because they are still there even if they're not your mains. I got to think a lot about how she reacted to the things that happened instead of being the person that made them happen. And it was so dang fun. The other day I was reading a chapter of Story 3 and something was happening from one character's point of view that very directly affected a
minor decision made by all the other characters. I knew how much that decision (that WASN'T
RELEVANT to the character who currently held the point of view) meant to the other characters,
even though our current point of view would never know that or care about it. So I started having a conversation in my head between the other characters about how to come to this conclusion, this simple choice that meant a lot to them. It was a conversation that no one will ever read, nor will ever get written down at all, because it doesn't need to. But that conversation still needs to be had by me as the writer, because I needed to understand how all of my characters felt about that one thing, that was simple to some but a big deal to others. I needed to have that conversation personally, so that my
readers will believe that my characters are real people, because in their universe they are real and they need to be real in that moment that they are being read. You taught me that, Iris. I can't thank you enough.
And so yeah, doing Fame changed the way I do my art. But it also changed my life.
It's funny, because I think about how I've gotten involved in the theatre and how much I've always
 loved it. Because I have always loved the theatre. But it started even sooner than I thought it did. Besides my general love for seeing musicals my entire life, I used to think it started when my sister
Emily started doing productions when she was in high school, but it was way before that. It was in fact way before even my first musical, which was The Music Man when I was in eighth grade. (I was one of the River City children.) I was looking through some old writing, and I realized it was when my SISTER did her first musical when she was in sixth grade. I've always been a huge writer, and
 some of that writing included journals. And so I was looking on my journals from when I was nine,
when my sister was in her first musical, Willy Wonka, as an oompa loompa. And she would come home from rehearsals and tell me all these stories about what happened there. And I would write  them down. Haha, it wasn't just something I did when I was actually in the shows! I think I even started asking to hear them eventually, because I loved them so much. I remember reading the stories I'd written down from her rehearsals for the show and thinking how crazy it was that I loved the idea of it even back then. And it wasn't just the idea of being in a show, it was the idea of getting to have all these fun times with all these talented people that would become your friends and building a show with them and making all these memories with them. And I still love the idea of that, and I'm still
so happy that I got to do that, even for a person who is often afraid of talking to her peers because in the past she had a hard time fitting in with them. I love all the friends I made in the theatre, even though it was hard for me to talk to them most of the time. I was terrified, but I wish I hadn't let myself be. Because I really liked being there. And now that I don't let myself care what people think about what I say or do or think or feel, I can say that, and thank all you people that made my time in the theatre great, even those of you that will never read this, which is most of you.
But yeah, my sister was in that musical, and then about four years later I was in eighth grade and got the chance to do The Music Man. I enjoyed doing that a lot, plus I was in a glee club that did show tunes and so we focused a lot on theatre and acting and I REALLY enjoyed doing that and I had made a list of a bunch of songs that I wanted to perform and at that point I had every intention of doing theatre in high school. (I think a lot of you didn't know that, but, fun fact, it's true!)
And in between those times, my sister was in productions in high school. She was a birdgirl (and did a lot of understudy work as Jojo) in Seussical and did the ensemble (as well as being vocal captain) of Cinderella. I helped paint props for Seussical. And I helped her run her lines, like, every day. It was my favorite thing ever. She will tell you that I often had more of the book memorized than some of the cast members did. (I could legit perform the shows for you. Memorizing is a talent of mine.) Horton was my favorite character to be in Seussical, and we didn't really have to run lines for Cinderella but luckily I didn't even like that show anyway.
Okay, so all of that happened, and then I was in high school myself. I still had all the intention of doing theatre. There was going to be this revue show in the fall that year, and I REALLY wanted to audition for it. As you all know, however, I am a four-year marching band member, and so the fall is a really busy time for marchers. I had a lot of conflicts when it came to performing the show, so I was really discouraged from auditioning for it. I didn't, and the show didn't even end up happening, but after that I was pretty much discouraged about doing theatre at all. I didn't audition for the musical like I had been planning on doing. I used color guard as an excuse for my time doing theatre because that seemed more acceptable to people than saying what was true and that I'd stopped wanting to do it, but that's the truth. But I still was kind of involved in it, because Emily was cast as Judy Bernley in 9 to 5. (YES THAT'S RIGHT, JUDY "PLEASE HOLD" BERNLEY, JUDY "COPY THAT" BERNLEY, JUDY "I AM TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS" BERNLEY.) I loved that show, and I loved getting to run lines for it like I did with her for every show. (My favorite scene is the one where they try to steal the body from the hospital.) And after that year, I was pretty content with not doing any productions, I guess, and I had decided theatre wasn't for me, but I still loved supporting it, like, really supporting it. My proudest days as a sister were when Emily was cast in the title role of Annie (!!!) her senior year. I cried, like, literally every time I saw it. It was so good. And again, I loved getting to run lines with her. (The scene where Daddy Warbucks is trying to have a serious conversation with Annie in his office.) I loved seeing my friends every night, I loved running lines, I loved talking about Emily's roles with her and researching the shows with her. (The amount of 9 to 5 videos we watched were actually ridiculous, and Annie had been running on Broadway for about two years right before they did their production so of course there was a lot of material to watch there.) I loved the theatre, even still. I loved being a part of it, but somehow still was not.
A year went by and I went and saw all my friends in their productions and loved them all. Then was the summer before my senior year. I was hanging out with Carter and Becca (music student) one day and Carter had been wondering about whether or not he wanted to audition for the musical. And somehow it came up whether or not I wanted to do it. And I said I didn't, and was asked why not. And I said that that was my sister's thing, not mine. (Which is the STUPIDEST THING EVER. Something being someone else's thing does not make that same thing incapable of being your thing. It sounds like a High School Musical movie, saying you're obligated to not do something just because it's someone else's dream.) And of course all that was pointed out, that that is irrelevant, and eventually I just said that I didn't want to do it, and that answer was acceptable to him, because if I just didn't want to do it then I shouldn't do it.
And that day I got thinking. "Wait. Do I want to do it?"
I have personally messaged Carter and thanked him since that day, because that was what really got me thinking about it. And after a lot of thinking, I decided I didn't just want to do it, but I really wanted to do it. Like, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to do it.
Okay, so I know that a lot of what I just wrote is new to a good portion of you, but here's where we get to the part that I don't really talk about ever.
The time came and I really wanted to audition, and so me and Emily spent a lot of time talking about what song I should audition with and looking through her old monologues to decide what I wanted to do. (This was before we knew that both were provided for me.) When I went to the audition clinics, my friends were SO EXCITED because, as I've mentioned previously, so many of them had been wanting me to do this for so long and I never had. I got my audition packet, and I worked on my monologue SO HARD. (Because I can memorize and sing and perform a song no problem, I've done that plenty of times.) Like, when I couldn't practice it out loud I would put in my earbuds and listen to a recording of myself performing it. I wanted it that much. I asked Morgan and Hallie (acting student)
 about what the audition would be like, because as you know doing new things is terrifying for me, and I wanted to be as prepared for this as possible. I talked about backing out a million times. Oh my gosh, I was so scared. But I knew every time I considered it that my desire to do the show had to outweigh that. I wanted to do the show so badly, I had to work so hard, and I had to go through with
it, or I would regret it. I'm not sure I could have backed out if I tried, because I wanted it that much. The dance audition was crazy, because it was the first time being fully a part of the theatre
 experience. It was crazy and I wasn't sure I liked it, but I'm pretty sure most people were just
showing off since it was auditions, so the real thing was a lot more chill. The next day I did my
personal audition with my monologue and song. I had so many friends supporting me and I am
endlessly grateful for that, because while I have auditioned for so many things in my life I'd never done anything like this, because I'd never auditioned for a musical with the opportunity to get a part (I could only be one of the River City children in The Music Man) and I'd never auditioned a
monologue before. Special thanks to Gwen "True Love" Rogers (dance student) for being really
supportive that day. I also want to give a shoutout to Holly (production manager) for being there for
me that day, who had been a friend of mine for a long time and had always been encouraging me to try stuff like this.
I gotta say, both days of auditions went really well.
And then the cast list went up. I remember walking through the choir room, and everyone was excited because the cast list was up. And I had to go look at it. So I went out into the hallway and I remember Morgan asking if I'd seen it yet, I said no, she told me to give it a look. I could tell by the way she said it that something was up. As I walked up to take a look at the list, Kobe (Tyrone Jackson) walked by and asked who Elizabeth Day was. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.) I go up to the list, and I start going down names, I get past five that aren't mine.
Iris Kelly-- Elizabeth Day.
I had of course wanted to get a part by auditioning. But I didn't want to get irrationally hopeful, because I wasn't much of an actor, like, at all. I even pre-cast the show in my head to make sure I had a full understanding that I wouldn't make it. And then that happened.
I saw my name next to hers, and, I just felt this unbelievable love. I read that and just was like, yes. Like, it felt so correct. I didn't even know her, but it felt correct. I started loving Iris that very second. I wish I could describe to you guys how it felt. It was so beautiful. I saw my name next to hers and I loved Iris, and I loved being her, and I hadn't even started.
I got to imaginative writing class that morning and messaged Emily and Mom something along the
lines of "I have been cast as Iris Kelly in Fame the Musical *insert crying emoji*". I was literally so happy. My social media was poppin' that day with the news that I was Iris. And, pretty much every day after that. I was quite honestly so excited.
So, okay, I guess you just got a really descriptive run-down of my love for theatre. How is that relevant to anything? Honestly, it probably isn't. But I think to understand the whole thing, you need to know the whole thing.
So I gave you that cute little narrative. But I think that just explains the love that I feel for the art. It
doesn't explain how Fame specifically changed my life. But it did. It totally did.
The end of junior year was a struggle, and the beginning of senior year was only a little bit better. You guys all know about the way I kind of lost myself second semester of junior year, and senior year spent a lot of time trying to reestablish that. I was really miserable for a long time. I got life from being in marching band, and I found refuge in choir as well, which had been hard at first that year but it eventually became a home to me again. And I really did have quite a good year even in the beginning, but wow, the beginning was still filled with a lot of bad days. I let a lot of things get in the way of me doing me, and sometimes I just wasn't genuinely happy. And I think I would've been kind of stuck there. I really do think I would have been stuck generally unhappy for awhile. I don't know how to describe to you guys what it was like. But things would happen, and I would just not be okay about it. I was dealing with the loss of what had previously been normal for me, and building my new version of happiness was really difficult, and it wasn't always there. Then I put my all into this audition, and once I was cast, I put my heart into the show. And it felt really good to be invested in
something I really wanted, this beautiful piece of art. I got to be someone else for a few hours every day, and she was perfect, and afraid of the same things as me, and she became my best friend, and I
would spend those few hours learning incredible things. I got a new group of friends, and they were the students at PA. I read my book all the time, I thought about them all the time, I became so invested in them and I used them to make me find my own version of happy again. When I was lonely or I felt left out, I would run lines with myself. I remember feeling so alone on a break on a caroling gig at the mall and just walking through the mall over to the food court to sit down, on the verge of tears, saying to myself, "My gosh, why can't you get it together? These steps are so basic it's ridiculous." And that's how I would deal with loneliness, is practicing for the show. Until I wasn't lonely anymore, and until I was just happy by myself. Fame was a distraction for me, and it gave me something to do when I really needed it. It helped turn me into the me I currently am.
And now, I am going to continue to audition for theatre productions. I am going to minor in theatre arts. And I am most definitely hoping to see you all at a future production with book, music, and lyrics by Elizabeth Day.
Guys, what even is obligation? Most of the time I think that it's the opposite of desire. And doing
something you need to do is not bad. Needing to do something to help either yourself or something you care about is still led by desire, not because you want to do the thing, but because you want to get the result that would be best for you or something else. Necessity is good. Obligation is bad. Obligation is the feeling that you need to do something. You don't want to, and you don't even particularly care about getting the specific outcome. You just feel like you're supposed to. Necessity is knowing that you need to do something, because in the end you still have a want, even if it is not immediate. You still have a genuine desire for an outcome, even if the steps to get there are hard. I guess I felt obligated to not consider myself a theatre person, since I had felt discouraged from doing it and since it was Emily's thing and since I had just so often said that it wasn't my thing, that writing was my thing. Which is ridiculous, because the two go together so much. The moral of the story, as it always is with me, is to follow your heart. It is okay to let yourself do what you want! If it is not going to stop you from getting to an ultimate goal, and if it isn't hurting you, then you really need to let yourself be happy. I am finally letting myself do all the things I always wanted to do. And I am really happy about that. Do not feel obligated to be or not be anything. You are allowed to follow your heart. You are supposed to follow your heart. I am glad I let myself go through with this, because I learned an insane amount of things that I am so happy about. It has helped lead me to a new and big part of my future. And it came at the exact right time. Fame happened exactly when I needed it. No sooner, no later. I needed it right then. God really does know what is best for us.
So this series of posts ran on Instagram for the months following Fame, and I realized I wanted them to be all in the same place, plus, some of my musings were pretty good, and the rest of my people deserve to hear them, so here it is on the actual blog, typos and all. I hope you enjoy them if you've never seen them, or if you missed one, or hey, if you just like them and want to reread them, I'm not complaining. Here are my short pieces on all the things I observed during my time as Iris Kelly, which I took notes on as I studied the production endlessly, tirelessly, the book I read and studied and memorized and slept with and bled on, the things I observed that were so worth sharing to me.
(Not gonna lie, though, the fact that there are about to be emojis on the blog is unsettling, because the blog is very strictly emoji-free.)
Would also like to properly credit Shelby Basso and everyone's favorite math teacher Paul Guerrero for the photos. Thank you so much for capturing the best show ever.
Here's to hoping there are more productions in our future. I love you, Iris.
And I love all of you.
And hey... just in case you forgot... you can find Basic Academy's full production of Fame here.
--Lizzo
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I know it's late but we still have time for a #FameFriday 😱

I am genuinely sorry Kobe but I'm gonna be tagging you in photos for the next five billion years
Honestly I talk about Tyrone almost as much as I talk about Iris, because he's so important to her
character. Her story relies so heavily on him. The only scene I had that he did not directly affect was "Mabel's Prayer". And Iris isn't entirely a filler character; she has a personality and a human quality that makes her a really beautiful character. But even that has so much to do with Tyrone and where he stands in her life and thus how he shapes her story. Tyrone is such an INTERESTING character. He's
one of the characters in the show with the most depth to him. And so Iris's story is pretty much being
a part of Tyrone's story, to give him even more quality.
Iris's character is perfectly written, honestly. She is not a very vocal character. She just kind of lets her presence and her actions speak for her. It says a lot about who she is. And when you look at who she talks to and how much it gets even better. In the scenes Iris speaks in, she often has just one line. It's perfect; she doesn't need to talk to prove herself, she can just do it by existing. Sometimes she'll have a short exchange with the dancers. Not say a lot, but she is actually willing to talk to them. This is important because dance is Iris's entire life, and so the people she meets there do hold some significance to her; she cares about the other dancers. But the only real CONVERSATIONS she had in the entire show are with Tyrone. He is the only person she's willing to REALLY talk to. And for a really long time he was the only person she was willing to be honest with. Tyrone is the only person
that REALLY matters to Iris. You can tell so much about Iris's character just based on when she
does and doesn't talk. Perfect writing.
Thanks @katelynn.blad for the pic from the Junior Festival scene
Honestly probably my favorite picture from the show of #Tyris
Thanks for listening to my writings, friends. Hoping for a lengthy post by Thursday. For now, goodnight world ❤️😴

 I officially wrote about #FameFriday on the blog so that means I actually have to go through with it

😖

(By the way, thanks for all the support about yesterday's post. You guys are literally too kind 😭)

This is probably the most visually appealing set in the show 😍 We are too blessed to have Justin
as a choreographer

LOOK AT THESE HUMANS. I love these humans. I'm so lucky that I got to work with the most talented people in the world.

This song is such a cool emotion. The kids are facing such strong negativity, and then they make the decision to step up and overcome it, because they didn't come here to fail. I remember one
particularly bad rehearsal where we all walked out pretty discouraged, and while I was walking out
to my car when it was all dark outside and I was super frustrated this song started playing in my head. And I was just like, "Yes. This is what this song feels like." A really discomforting downfall, and then the decision to get back up and make the next day better.

One of the greatest things about this production was how realistic it was able to be just because we're 

all kids. Only four of us were playing adults, the rest of us were teenagers, exactly the same age we are now. It made the whole thing better, just being high school kids. And not just high school kids, but high school kids that are performers... like us. When I'd done some research on the show in the 

earlier parts of our rehearsal process, I would be staring at pictures of professional productions of the show and wondering why they all looked so weird. And then I realized it was because they all looked

 OLD. They were adults playing high school students. The fact that we were actually playing kids our

age just made the whole thing feel so much more real.

My brother was unconvinced that #Tyris is the best couple, and this scene was a reason why. "One minute they're yelling at each other and then they're kissing, like???" The great thing about this part is that the tension between Tyrone and Iris is TANGIBLE. We have to show four years in two hours, but this isn't at all their first encounter. I concluded that at this point Tyrone and Iris have known each other about a semester. They've had plenty of time for that to build, and they're highkey attracted to each other, but they're not about to admit it straight out because they're both prideful, independent.

We were told to find the moment that our character falls in love. I decided Iris never had a defined moment,she had a few points that led to her being with Tyrone. She notices him in class when Ms. Bell calls him out, and she thinks he's trash that can't take dance seriously. But the way he talks about dance catches her attention; he starts to look like someone that loves dance as much as her. He shows his choreo, she isn't sold but she's got her eye on him. Then more important things happen, the semester we don't see, when she really falls for him; she's watching him that whole time. Then he's 

her dance partner and her training compared to his confirms her original impression. They fight and the reason she admires him comes into play. Iris is hiding that she's not rich or perfect and she's 

ashamed, because she loves being the best. Tyrone comes from a rough background but he's unashamed of who he is and never tries to hide it; he has confidence that Iris wants. That comes 

through in his rap that proves she didn't understand him as well as she thought.

THIS MOMENT. This is what I usually thought of, not because it's when she realizes she loves him, 

but because it's the moment she decides she's going to let herself go for it.

If Iris had courage she would have kissed him after the rap. But the entire thing scared her a little, because she wasn't sure how he'd react, he kinda scared her, this was nothing she'd ever tried. Instead 

she tells him the truth. Then he calls her the best dancer at PA and she's like "Okay, yes, I want this one."

#FameFriday

DANCE IS THE HARDEST PROFESSION IN THE WORLD

So apparently I really do like writing too much because last week I spent an hour and a half trying to make the caption fit so I cut it down until it had literally no voice and I pretty much hated myself after that

This scene was really hard before I had Iris figured out and I don't even really say anything 😰 But it's also one of the scenes that made her character really come together once I knew what it was
about. Me and my friend Iris have something in common. We're both hecka insecure because we just want everyone to like us. And so I understood that part, but the thing that took me so long to understand is that she reacted to that fear the exact opposite of how I would. I"m the kind of person that likes to hide when I'm scared 😬 (That's why my RBF is so on point, if I don't look approachable then no one will talk to me 👌) However, when she's scared Iris likes to make herself more visible,
she wants to make herself seen. She projects herself, she wants everyone to notice her, because that
gives her a chance to prove her superiority. Iris wants to be on top, she wants to be the most beautiful and perfect human in the room, it gives her power. Once I understood that, I pretty much understood Iris entirely. That mentality is a huge part of who she is, she just came together after that.
#FameFriday

This time we're having a super #FameFriday instead of a super late one because Thursday comps get out hecka late and I'd rather deal with this right before I go to sleep than in the middle of being alive. It is currently 1:13 AM 😊

If Iris taught me anything it is how to properly JUDGE PEOPLE
Oh my heck Iris I'm even more in love with you than Tyrone is 😍😍😍
Okay so about Tyrone and being in love with Iris and whatever. Sometime in January or whenever me and Kobe were talking about when our characters fell in love with the other and with Tyrone it is made very evident that he sees Iris and is automatically drawn to her. I explained how Iris fell for Tyrone in a previous piece, how including when and why, but for a really long time I really just
 couldn't figure out what about Iris made Tyrone want her automatically.
Honestly it's probably just because she's beautiful and perfect. But I also decided that, kind of like how with Iris why was more important than when, for Tyrone when was more important than why.
The entire vibe you are supposed to get from Tyrone is untraditional, down to the way he dances.
He's not classically trained like everyone else, he has a different way of thinking of ballet, he does his
own choreography rather than what he's given in class. Not traditional. But if you could think of the sappiest possible way for someone to fall in love with someone else, it would probably be love at first sight. This is perfect. Iris is the very definition of traditional, and Tyrone, who is not, sees her one
time and is generally smitten. Iris is an exception for him. This not-classic guy falls for this classic girl in literally the most classic way that we know of. THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WISH I HAD
WRITTEN IT 😭😍
#Tyris

Oh my gosh Miss Sherman if you could leave my boyfriend alone FOR ONCE that would be great 😡

Will never stop being grateful for Kobe's intelligence as an actor. I know I say this a lot but seriously thank you for being so great.

I mean the post isn't about them but this is a cute pic of #Tyris

Every single thing in the show was written with intention. IN the book the two female teachers' 

names are spelled differently: MISS Sherman, and MS. Bell. THIS IS NOT A MISTAKE. We are supposed to understand things about the characters' personal lives from this. We are given room to wonder about Ms. Bell. She could be the singlest Pringle on earth or she could be married for five billion years or anywhere in between. The writer does not care if we know that about Ms. Bell. We are wanted to assume what we want from what we gather from the show, he doesn't care if her story is concrete. However, with Miss Sherman, he wants to make her undoubtedly single. He wants us to know that she is ENTIRELY ALONE. We need to know this to understand her. It makes her song more powerful, "These Are My Children", her entire character. The students are literally all she has. They are everything to her.

So you think that you'd be nicer to Tyrone but you know what go ahead and verbally attack him and publicly humiliate him and SLAP HIM yeah that's cool too 😒

#FameFriday

Kaylee and the other ladies totally slayed this song ❤️ It was perfect

This scene was the best partly because they were all funny as heck and partly because it was RELATABLE

HOWEVER not gonna lie, you have no idea how hard it is to dance through pretzel crumbs, the pas 

de deux was difficult beyond words 😫 Didn't appreciate that part.

Oh my gosh this scene was so hard for me at first 😂😂😂 This is going to sound weird to those 

of you that don't know me super well, but I just really like PRETTY things. So when they tell me to go UGLY EAT onstage I don't even really know how, that was legit so uncomfortable for me at first. Honestly the only time I felt really comfortable doing it was opening night; the more the audience laughed the less afraid I was. But not just personally was that scene hard for me, it just really didn't make any sense to me. Lizzo likes being pretty, but Iris is just PRETTY. Like, everything about her, she's literally supposed to be perfect. Iris is pretty, so where does she belong in this ugly-eating scene??? 🤔

So instead Iris kind of did the pretty version of ugly eating. Like she put her entire heart and soul into that vanilla pudding yo 😂 Tyrone stopped existing for a hot minute and Iris was fully invested in the pudding, the pudding was her one true love 😍😂 I know @emily.dimond thoroughly enjoyed seeing Iris be in love with that pudding.

#FameFriday

"Maybe we can help each other" 😘

Haha, Kobe hated this line because he found it intolerably sappy, but I hated this line because I
couldn't ever quite figure out what to do with it, and it frustrated me. It was either right before the
show ended or right after the show ended that I realized it was because the line is incredibly well-
written.
I was talking to @metstar the other day, who often asks what the weekly piece on Fame is about. I told her it was about this line, and she described the line as a lollipop that has multiple layers.
Because it really does.
That's what frustrated me about it. When I first read the line I read it as flirty. Okay, cool. And I think I tried that for awhile and I instead decided that she was being actually really sweet and genuine in that moment. But honestly I probably wasn't fully satisfied with that either. I was directed to say it flirty, so that's what ended up happening. I think in the end I like that. It was supposed to be flirty. Especially once she realized all her previous subtle flirting was working so she allowed herself to be straightforward once she realized he was buying into it. But the line also had a bit of a deeper
meaning for their character. Tyrone and Iris both have the "strong independent and single" vibe about them. They push away help from everybody. They don't rely on people. They both like to come off as if they don't need anyone. But they also can't shake their need for each other, even though they don't want to need anyone. They really are the only people that can help each other.
Oh my heck, they're so cute.
#FameFriday #Tyris

✨🎶I want to make magic🎶✨

HAHAHAHA SORRY NICK, TYRONE AND IRIS TOTALLY SNATCHED THIS SONG FROM YOU. But honestly every other couple had a song already so we deserved it.
And if we're gonna be honest Tyrone and Iris are the cutest part of this scene 😍 Someday I'm going to try to write something as good as them and I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to do it.
Okay but before I get too much into this scene I want to talk about the scene before it. The one where Carmen's getting her drugs. This was a good decision made by our directors. I can't remember if the scene didn't have any music under it or if they just didn't like the music written. So instead "There She Goes" is played underneath. When Carmen sings this for us the first time, she's talking about her dreams to be the biggest star the world has ever seen. About how she's gonna make it, everything is gonna turn out perfect for her. And then we hear the song again, while she's doing THIS. "There she goes. Now wouldn't anybody wish they were her?" It's tragic this time, it's shameful. Why would anybody WANT to be her?
Okay, so about this scene now. I really love this scene, it's pretty powerful. But I think I especially liked it because it kind of embodies Iris. Dance comes first in Iris's life. It's the one thing that has always been there for her, it's constant, it's her passion, she can work and make something beautiful, she loves making something beautiful, she loves dancing. And second comes Tyrone. Like, really, I don't think people quite realize how much he changed the game for Iris. Maybe it's just because I know her, but he really is that important to her, he's her everything. And Iris and Tyrone get selected to be a dance feature in the Junior Festival where they sing this song. And it's so special to her. That's why I love this song, I think it's about Iris. This scene is one of her happiest scenes in the show, she's on the moon in this one. It's about her doing her favorite thing with her favorite person. And that is just so beautiful to me
#FameFriday #Tyris

This was actually supposed to be part of last week's post, but I once again wrote too much. Sorry I'm
writing all this stuff after the fact, but that's usually easier for me; I can only write about something in the detail it deserves once it's over. "I'm sorry, I've just got so much I want to say...."
Carmen is actually a really interesting character, and wildly important. The concept of this show is that the movie Fame is released May 16, 1980-- right before our beloved class of 84 enters high school. They know that their new school is the subject of a popular movie, and they want to see what it's really like there. All the students know that it isn't going to be quite like what the film depicts. All the students, except for Carmen. And that's what makes all the difference. Carmen's expecting a dramatic, sparkling film version of high school, one where she gains stardom instantly. And these
unrealistic expectations are what bring her downfall, lead her into places she shouldn't be and eventually kill her. While everyone else had a generally successful high school career, going to PA killed Carmen. She was our bad example, so we could see how things can go wrong.

What else do I want to talk about? Carmen and Schlomo, because their relationship is very interesting. Schlomo is perfect. Oh my heck, he's so PURE. I literally love his character so much
he's just the sweetest thing 😂 And Carmen, we already talked about all the bad ish Carmen has going on. She has all these high expectations and all these terrible ways to acheive them, drugs and all that. She's got a way of getting herself into a mess. But the thing is, Schlomo is such a pure and beautiful person... and Carmen is not. What we understand from the show is that Carmen is viewed as a sexual object by pretty much everyone. Even her family. And Schlomo genuinely loves her SO MUCH. No matter what happens to her, even to the close of the show whens she overdoses Schlomo loves he
and thinks she's the most beautiful person in the world. His love for her is so pure, so incorruptible.
And I think that's really attractive to Carmen, that someone is seeing her as genuinely beautiful for once.
#FameFriday

"Hey baby, wanna be my girlfriend? I'm illiterate" 😏

It only took me five billion years to stop laughing at that line
This scene nearly mirrors the first scene between Tyrone and Iris and I think that's nearly cool
This scene is cool because it resolves not just Tyrone and Iris's story but also Tyrone and Miss
Sherman's. Because, like, fitting another scene in between those two would be totally unnecessary. So instead they have this opportunity  to resolve it while we're talking about Tyrone's inability to read.
So while this scene is about everyone's favorite power couple, our writer took the opportunity given to help wrap up the story. "But thanks to Miss Sherman, that noise is starting to sound like music." We know, oh hey, things are cool between them. He did decide to get help. They don't totally hate each other anymore.
#FameFriday #Tyris

🎶CRUNCHES ON THE RISERS🎶
The awkward moment when your boyfriend forgets to mention he CAN'T READ
Zoom in on each individual human in this photo, it is worth it
My favorite part of being in this scene will forever be that moment when most of the kids are jamming out but some of them aren't and I would just look at Lizzy and she's all hyped and enthusiastic about life and then she gestures to me like "Come on Iris this is so fun, isn't this the best???" and Iris is just kinda like "I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT JUST FREAKING HAPPENED SONIA"
YES IRIS, I mean I know you're the love of my life and whatnot but I like this part because it's the first time you get to see her posture really drop, because Iris always wants to be seen but right now she just doesn't even want to be there, it breaks my heart 😞
Oh snap speaking of breaks my heart, the scene after this one 😫💔 YES TYRONE you better slay the audience's life with your vulnerability 👏👏👏
Aiight well I guess I should stop rambling and write something of actual substance. The original line in this scene was "Yeah, help the poor *racial slur*", but obviously enough we changed it. The line used was "Yeah, help the poor kid." Which lowkey always bothered me, because Tyrone doesn't play around with his words. He chooses them very carefully, there  is intention in everything he says. So that really bold statement was very purposeful; he's trying to accuse Miss Sherman of racism there. I'd always wished we'd changed the line to "Yeah, help the poor black kid" or something like that because Tyrone was accusing Miss Sherman of something pretty bad, and he meant it, and so he wanted his race to be implied. I just don't think that point came across as clear in our production; he was trying to say that it was because of his race, and that didn't quite translate. I honestly kind of wish I"d said something, because I think that's a really important point.
#FameFriday

✨🎶Bring on tomorrow, let it shine🎶✨

Okay, so Mr. Calkins told us that we are singing this song to someone, and we needed to figure out who that person was for each of us individually. The ridiculous thing is that that really tripped me up. Like, I legit couldn't figure it out. Iris talks to, what, a maximum of three people, and I couldn't understand who she was singing to?
Maybe it seemed too simple to me? I think I lowkey knew it the whole time??? But it seemed to me like it had to be an external human she was singing for. Like, someone that wasn't there. But it didn't have to be someone that wasn't there. It could be someone in the room. It could be someone right next to her. IRIS WAS SINGING TO TYRONE.
And it honestly says so much about her character, because everything she does is like this. Iris gets a small feature in this song, and that's about her, because Iris spends her entire life trying to be perfect and look good. And then Tyrone starts singing, and she sees him, and after that it's not even kind of about her anymore. Once she notices Tyrone, every time without fail, that's it. He's the only thing she sees after that.
*insert ugly sobbing*
There's no one else she would even think about singing for. The song is about moving on to a better future. And she really has hope for that future, for  their future together. She's excited to be with him tomorrow, she is excited for what is ahead of her, probably for the first time in awhile.
I had the realization of who she was talking to in the middle of the song the second night and I was pretty much glowing after that.
And the reality of the thing is none of them were sure Tyrone would make it to graduation. The fact that he nearly dropped out, could never get his grades figured out for his life, and that he went through eleven years of schooling without anyone figuring out he couldn't read, it should've been impossible for him. And the fact that Iris is graduating high school and Tyrone is standing next to her doing it with her, he made it, he did it, just means the world to her.
Oh my gosh I love themmmmm.
#FameFriday #Tyris

"Pas de Deux" 💖💖💖

I think this scene is best described by something Mr. Calkins said to us while we were rehearsing the dance number: "You need to trust that he'll be there, you need to BE there."
Okay, so this is one of the best-written scenes, like, ever. And NOT just because the scene itself is written well, and not just because it's your two favorite characters in the show. It's mostly because of the scene that precedes it. Tyrone and Iris's relationship has been pretty much the exact opposite of Nick and Serena's for the entire show. While Tyrone and Iris have been dating almost since they met each other, our poor friend Serena has been playing a friendzone scene for the majority of her high school career. Then FINALLY at the end of their junior year Nick confesses that he caught feelings and Nick and Serena are together! and simultaneously Tyrone and Iris AREN'T together for the first time. So we see the Romeo and Juliet scene, and Nick and Serena are dating, everyone's been waiting for that to happen the entire show so they're really excited. Things are finally working out for them. And then they have the scene shift. And it's our friendly reminder, meanwhile, things are not going so well for out favorite OG couple. Beautiful placement, beautiful contrast.
And hey, the scene shift is really significant too, because it reinforces the contrast. Tyrone has his cute little theme that plays occassionally, and after Serena gives her "hello Romeo" line, we hear that... and then IRIS enters, And that's how we know, oh dang, stuff is about to go down between those two. Because while Nick and Serena are finally together, Tyrone and Iris have fallen apart.
This scene bothered my brother too 😂 He was like, "They flirt... by dancing." Um, YES!!! IN fact, Tyrone would be stupid if he DIDN'T flirt by dancing. Because to Iris, the only thing more important than Tyrone is dancing. It means the world to her. And Tyrone knows that, and he needs to get her trust back. And dancing is the only way he's going to get her to listen to him.
My gosh it's so cute.
#FameFriday #Tyris

People don't realize how hard it is to dance without counts. Kobe and I deserve a gosh dang trophy.

So a few weeks before the show all the stage couples went on a date together. And somehow we started talking about the character of all the relationships or something like that. And Kobe says, "Our relationship is actually kind of symbolic."
"What do you mean?" responds Elizabeth.
"Well, I don't want to be THAT guy, but...." And Kobe points out the difference in our skin colors. We are an interracial couple.
Wait, no, Kobe! You're SUPPOSED to be that guy! Tyrone and Iris were written to be exact opposites, right down to their race. They were written for you to notice that. They were written to be contemporary and classical, black and white. And they were written to show that that is not only okay, but beautiful. Do you think it was a coincidence that Iris's favorite book was To Kill a Mockingbird, a book that discusses how no one race is better than another and how people generally are beautiful and good? Not. Even. Kind. Of.
It was honestly kind of eye-opening; when I got cast, I realized that interracial couples are still kind of a weird concept to people And when I was cast in a role whose purpose was to raise acceptance for interracial couples, it became really important to me. Due to some comments made to me after the performance, I really think that people understood that. There is no feeling better than knowing you fulfilled a character's purpose ☺️
It would be a shame if I didn't give credit to @basic_academy for all the beautiful photos I used to write my pieces
I hope you all enjoyed my musings 😊 I know there was a lot, but even I didn't realize how much I had learned during the production when I took notes on all the cool things I discovered and said, "I'm gonna write about this when it's all over."
#FameFriday #Tyris